Sunday, January 17, 2010

How do you think and feel about the childfree, especially the ones who get married?

I remember at my wedding shower, I was asked, ';How many children do you plan on having?'; I said, none and the room went dark. Like it was a terrible thing to say, sorry, but children are not for me.





His mom doesn't get it. She tried for years to get pregnant with him. My own mother is bright enough to get that I don't want to be pregnant. It's physical trauma, but she still says silly shite like, ';you'll change your mind.';How do you think and feel about the childfree, especially the ones who get married?
I think its GREAT. If someone doesn't want children I would much rather see them without children than see them get the feeling of being tied down by their children and that general hate the world attitude some get.





However people having children is job security for me...I am a teacher.How do you think and feel about the childfree, especially the ones who get married?
Nothing wrong with your choice, so long as its what you and he both want. Be understanding to them, Its hard to imagine anyone, especially a woman, not wanting to feel the love and special bond only a child could bring. Its not something you can understand until you've felt it. And most of us would give ourselves 3 times over for our children, physical trauma be damned, thats all. And never say never...I've known plenty of people who said they never want children and then just up and change their minds one day. Its ok either way.
I don't feel anything about it personally, I think its a choice that people make, and yes, they do sometimes change their minds. It happens.


You have to realize too, that his mom wanted children very much, to think you don't is literally not within her realm.


You mother is wise to realize that one day you may change your mind, and shes giving you leave to do that.


You may not want to physically carry and deliver, but that doesn't mean no children. You may simply not want to live with the demands that children make, that's OK too as long as your fiance is fine with it. Moms want grandchildren to spoil and love, don't be too hard on them.


Life changes all of us, if it does come time that you feel the urge to procreate, don't not do it just because you once said so. The way we are in our twenties is not the same as the way we are in our forties, a smart person takes that into account.
i know people who are perfectly happy being married without kids, for me i couldnt imagine life without children but thats me, you and your husband have decided that you both would be happy without children, then thats your choice, no ones business but your own, i imagine you will have a wonderful life and marriage, i am sure if you ever need a kiddy fix you could borrow a niece nephew someone elses kid, spoil them rotten and send them home lol, good luck, dont feel like you have to justify your life choice, its your life and no one elses!
It's your life. Live it the way you want to live. Not what others want you to.
Do what you want. No one can make you get pregnant.
It's a personal choice. Some people have no desire to have children. I think it shows great responsibility on the part of a person who knows that children are not for them and goes to great lengths to make sure it doesn't happen. It makes much more sense for someone who knows they don't want children NOT to have them, then to go ahead and have one because of pressure from family, society etc and then not have their whole heart into it. Parenting is tough and rewarding...I'm sure choosing to be child free in this society is also tough and rewarding as well. Good for you for knowing who you are and what you want for your life.
i think it's a personal choice. I think there is nothing at all wrong with it. I think those couples get more time to devote to the relationship get to travel and explore without being tied down. I also think a child can be of benefit. If you both don't want them no reason to feel pressure to have them. It's perfectly fine to live your own lives child freee. i agree with your mom you could one day change your mind if you don't that's fine too.
I know this old lady who had no children and then at the age of 72 her husband died earlier this year. She now lives alone and has no one. Would you want that one day?
It is your choice. My wife felt the same way when we got married, but she changed her mind 10 years later. I have friends who decided not to have children and they didn't and they are perfectly happy. So it is up to you, you should not let anyone pressure you.
I am engaged. I do not want children either. Kids deserve to be wanted by both parents. Don't feel bad or guilty about not wanting them, either. Times have changed.
It's personal choice.





People need to remember that instead of expecting everyone will have children.
Each to thier own. I'd much rather see someone go childless and happy, then have children and ship them off to daycare so they can focus on their career. Kudo's to you for knowing yourself!
If you don't prepare for and desire children, I don't see why you ought to just do it, and your parents ought to understand that ... it's hard for them because they get caught up with grandchildren and all that, but you need to do what you think is best.





To be honest, I don't know if I want to have them ... and even if I do, I have thought about adopting instead of pregnancy ... but who knows? I'm open minded about it. :)
The statement ';you'll change your mind'; is not 鈥榮illy shite鈥? You might change your mind, and in fact, most people do change their mind on the issue. I was one of them and it shocked everyone (including me!) because I had insisted so adamantly for so long that I wouldn't change my mind. But if you don鈥檛 change your mind, that鈥檚 fine too. It's your personal choice.
you know you don't want kids. if your mom knows, i'm sure your husband knows this to. (least i hope you two had this discussion) look, i want a big family, i have three already. i enjoy it. not everyone wants kids. and guess what? that's okay. what you decide in your life has no bearing on anyone else's happiness. i love my kids, but i have to admit, being pregnant wasn't the most fun in the world. but my kids were worth it.


if you change your mind, you'll change your mind on your terms. if you don't, you won't. the world won't stop if you never have children. but you will be happy. with your husband. and isn't that what really matters anyway??
Yay for you! I don't want children either. We just don't click. Haha. Stay true to yourself! You know what you want to keep you happy.
I'm with you honey. I'm 24, been married 4 years, and now people are REALLY getting going with the kid thing. Doesn't help I married the only son of a Catholic/Hispanic family. His parents are getting a little irked I haven't popped them out a kid yet. If it makes you feel any better, there are MANY women who choose not to have children. Apparently, there was a survey done in the 80's that ranked having kids as #3 on a list of importance in a marriage. Last year, kids were #9. As you can see, we are the beginning of a generation that has decided having kids isn't the end all be all of life and a good marriage. Keep your head held high, you are not a uterus with legs!
I think it's great! Expect a lot of stupid questions from a lot of people who don't get it, but it is your decision. People used to ask me when I was going to have children. It had been several years of marriage at that time. I'd say ';after my husband takes me to Europe for a month.'; People never knew what to think.





It's a personal decision and not for everyone. Maybe you will change your mind, but maybe you won't and that's your perogative. There are still people who think the purpose of marriage is to make babies, so expect some to not ';get it.';
I'm a bit confused by a part of your question. When you state you don't want to be pregnant. Does this mean you don't want to carry children or you don't want to be a mother to children? I have to admit I've been guilty of that question one time. Luckily they wanted children. However, I understand why you feel the way you do. I don't know, seems to me there several aspects to this. Expectations would be the most obvious to me. We all as we approach our 30's begin having to deal with our parents new burgeoning expectations for you to marry and have their grandchildren. Parents don't understand this because they've had these ideas and expectations that you would fulfill in their lives for decades. It's very disappointing to dream and think about something for years and then find out that your not getting in the end. It's no excuse for bad behavior but you can empathize. The I also think there's a distinct difference in generations. While our parents we're of a different generation then those before them. We are very different from theirs in some aspects. So I think that there is somewhat of an ideological divide here. You need live your life for yourself and for your husband. These are your decisions to make together in life..............and the reality is at their age, they understand that as people age everything changes (from what we find important to what we believe about things) and that sometimes people do change their minds. So try to understand them, and let the things they say roll off and live your life. Good luck!!
I only want one child, but to each their own. It is your body and you and your husband's decision. If you don't want children, then fine. No one can force you. And it isn't like it is the end of the world and we don't have plenty of people populating the earth already, right? So go ahead, don't have children if that is what you and your husband have decided. I know plenty of married couples who are in their 40's, they don't have children, and don't plan to!
This issue makes me crazy.The only people who should have children are people who absolutely want them and are prepared to raise them.If there is any question about having a child you should not have one and it is no ones business but yours.I don't get it .I see irresponsible immature couples being pushed by their parents to have children and everyone thinks it is wonderful,well it isn't and the child is the one who suffers.I glad to hear from someone who is intelligent enough and responsible enough to make their own decisions. As far as what to tell people,just politely tell them that its your decision and your STICKING TO IT.

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