Is anyone childfree by choice?

If so, are you married? How long have you been married? Do family, friends and aquaintences still ask ';When are you going to have kids?'; How do you respond when someone patronizes by saying, ';Oh, you'll change your mind.';?Is anyone childfree by choice?
I'm 41, childfree, been married 13 years. People pretty much leave me alone after the initial questions:


Them: ';How many kids do you have?';


Me: ';None.';


Them: ';Why not?';


Me: ';They don't interest me. I have other things to do.'; And I mean it. I don't participate in conversations about children or babies, I have nothing to contribute and I find the conversation excruciatingly boring. (Of course, I feel the same way about sports.) I have been known to get up and walk out while everyone else is discussing kids.





The thing I have discovered is that if someone asks you about kids and you say, ';Wellll, noooo,'; and seem unsure of yourself, they will pounce on you and tell you you're selfish, you haven't experienced real love, what if your parents thought that way, you're immature (my personal favorite--not!)blah blah blah. I let people do that to me when I was younger, then I finally figured out the best thing to do was tell them in a tone that leaves no room for discussion: ';Nope. Don't want them.';





As for ';You'll change your mind,'; I always told them, ';Come see me in ten years.'; There were a couple people who bugged me nonstop that I actually took the trouble to look up after several years and say, ';See? I'm not changing my mind.'; Petty? Sure. Satisfying? Absolutely. :-)Is anyone childfree by choice?
I'm not childless by any means and I never would have chosen to be, but my husband and I have friends who are. They have been married now for about 10 years. Everyone knows their choice and have all grown to accept it. If someone does ask they tell them that they chose to have it that way because they want to be able to just up and go somewhere. They don't want to be tied down with the responsibilty of having kids. If people are patronizing anyone for not having kids thats wrong. Me personally I would probably just respond to the ';oh you'll change your mind'; by saying ';Hey you know maybe you're right, but as of now I choose to not have a child.'; or just say ';not that it's any of your buisness how I chose to live my life, but IF I do change my mind I will make sure you are the first one to call.'; You really don't owe anyone an answer ever it's your life not theirs. You can always just nod and smile too.
Me! I'm not married, though. Most people I know seem to accept that I don't want to procreate; in fact, my mother is relieved b/c she doesn't exactly love the idea of having to deal with grandkids. When people tell me that I'll change my mind, I usually just ignore them. It's irritating, but I don't really know what to say to them.
My husband and I are child-free by choice, we have been together for 11 years. The family started asking when we were going to have children after we graduated college, both obtained careers, and bought our own home. They no longer ask because we have bluntly told them that it is our choice not to have them, and unless they want to be a permanent babysitter, and provide all of the financial support that it is none of their concern. When confronted with the ';change your mind in the future speech';, we tell them that they may be right because nobody can tell the future, this is how we currently feel, and IF in fact we do change our mind, we will provide an update.
Whether a woman chooses to be childless or just can't have any, people should keep their mouths shut on the matter but since they won't, be politely rude - smile as you tell them that when you had the sex change operation, they told you - kids wouldn't be an option!





Before my sister got her son, people would ask her in casual conversation if she had kids, she said no and they asked why!!! How nervy - so she made up some wild tale about why she didn't have any children and that puts them in their place for even asking or saying such a idiotic thing!





Then I carried a child for my sister and she had people asking her if she is going to have any ';real'; children. Her son breathes, eats, talks, poops %26amp; pees, gives her gray hairs just like any other child does.


When people say that to her she says that she thought about getting a real child cuz this one went thru so many batteries!





I don't know why society can't believe that a woman would be happy w/o children - sometimes mine make me realize why animals eat their young!
No only am I child free by choice but know many other career women that have chosen to be child free. And when the topic come up I explain this way. I am too selfish to have children I like to come and go as i please. But selfishness isn't necessarily a bad thing. And many women have children for selfish reasons like needing something to depend on them , hoping it will fix a troubled marriage. An once they see it in that context they will see it in a different way. And with the way that the world is becoming perhaps its not so good to bring a child in this world. Look what there going to have to deal with, the mess that we made it !
My brother is 41 and chooses to be childless and my sister-in-law and her husband have chosen to be childless. They are both in their mid to late fourties but they married while in their 30's. They probably all got the usual questions like...are you sure you don't want any......will you change your mind......do you regret it. They are all happy with their decision and I admire them because they knew that having kids wasn't right for them and didn't cave into pressure and had them for the heck of it. More people in this world should consider the same. Too much child abuse and neglect.
I am 38 single and child free by CHOICE!! and Happy!!
My wife and I waited 5 years. We live in Utah where families are really a big deal and most have children in the first year or so. We decided to not have children until we got older, out of college and so forth. We spent so long together alone that we weren't sure we wanted kids. We were asked every day when we were having kids as if we were losing some type of race. Everyone thought we had to do what they did. I guess misery loves company. The reason that I really wanted to have kids is because I wanted to prove that I could be a better parent than most of them. Now that our first is on the way you cant believe how excited we are.





No one should run your life. I know a woman who has never been married or had kids. She is past the age to do so. She has regrets but a lot of it is that you always want what others have especially if you cant have it. It is totally your choice but who will care for you when you are old, and will you completely cease to exist once you die? Maybe so, Just something to think about.
I am 49 divorced and have no kids . (By Choice) I love kids but I aso like being able to say Here mommy %26amp; daddy you can have them back now. Oh by the way I gave them a good sugar buzz
Me i don't want kids to much of a headache
tell them you decided you would like to enjoy your life and travel and don' t want to be tied down I am studying to be a teacher for kindergarten so I hope to fulfill my child wants through that I love kids just dont' wanna be responsible for one till its eighteen .. not married bf does not want kids either just dogs those are our kids
i'm not married and for the reason that i don't want children. it does get annoying when people make comments but i tell myself that's about their stuff and them wanting something good for me...if you choose to think it's patronising then that is what you'll experience. how would it feel to say 'thanks for wishing me well' and change the subject?
I am 26, child free, man free, and STD free by choice. I have had family members ask me to go out on dates with guys that they pick, but I say no. They have also offered to set me up an account with eharmony.com. No Thanks! I have people who keep speaking about my future kids, makes me want to gag, and I just simply do not comment or just stare off into a daydream and basically ignore that they are speaking to me.
I am. I've been with my girlfriend for over 5 years. I'm 21 and she's 23. They ask when we're going to have kids, that'll never change. No one ever tells me I'll change my mind as I'm pretty firm on the fact that I do not kids right now or any time in the next 5-8 years.





I want to be secure financially before I have a child. I don't need to put my child in poverty because I'm too young to provide for.





Regards,





Brandon
Yes, child free by choice, married for 2 years. We also get the questions. People automactically assume that you are selfish and don't want to get fat or go through labor. Yes, that's part of it, but mostly i just don't want to be responsible for another human when life is hard enough as it is. So I usually say that I have issues from my childhood that have led me to that decision. Doesn't matter if it's all true or not. I shouldn't have to explain the MANY reasons to every person that asks.
There are lots of people who don't want kids. There is a movement now of people who choose not to have children to save the environment. I don't think this will work as there will be many more people unable to work and care for themselves (like the elderly) then there will be people working to pay for their medical and living expenses.





Some who say they will never have children DO decide later they want children (my best friend is hoping to have child #4 and her oldest is only five, but always said she didn't want children in the past!!) But this isn't to be expected.





However, some people just aren't cut out to be parents and wouldn't you rather someone who wouldn't make a good parent never have them? So that's what I would tell people who ask.





Personally, I have four girls and the oldest is almost five. I love kids and can't imagine life without them.
Oh yea, I know plenty of people who chose not to have children for different reasons.





My uncle never had kids because he never really wanted them. He was never in a relationship either where he would have wanted them. His first wife had four from a previous marriage and his second wife was in her late 40s when they married (she was a bit older than him).





Also, some people just prefer their careers to a family. I think it's good though - at least they know they don't want children instead of having them and treating them like they are unwanted.





I'm not one of those childless by choice people (I love kids!) but I can understand why some wouldn't want any.
Earlier in my life a wasn't, i was child free due to the fact that a woman i was with had an abortion that i didn't agree with, than i got married and tried to have children with her and she never got pregnant, come to find out she had her tubes tied with out me knowing and we got divorced later any ways, so i considered myself fortunate regardless of the fact i never got to experience something as wonderful as fatherhood, these days at 31 years of age i chose to be childless, i have out grown my desire to have children and i refuse to ever get involved into another serious relationship after my divorce, i haven't had any one tell me at this age i will change my mind, but people tell me how lucky i am, but i am troubled at times when people who i am good Friends with that i haven't seen in a long time look at me differently for not having any children and all the rest of them do, it does bother me a bit at times, but i don't let it bother me to the point of ruining a friendship or acting out of desperation.
Hi I will be 38 in march and and do not want kids. I have 2 nephews who I love to bits and I like the neighbours kids to talk to for a wee while, glad to hand them back though!





I don't get so many patronizing comments now but did in my twenties and early thirties, but if I did I just told them straight ' I don't want any'. If you don't want kids that is entirely up to you! It is your body and your life!
well, i have 3 children from previous marriage and if my first husband weren't such a loser with no money i would want to have 5 kids. now my new husband has very large income but now i don't want to ruin my perfect body. and i am very, very happy i had kids when i was young. and i didn't miss anything - i got master degree, i partied and travelled. and i still have perfect body. i consider people without children wasting their useless lives on nothing. honestly, why did u even exist in this world? u didn't bring anything and nobody will miss u when u re gone
Ugh...my mom used to do that all the time to this lady down the street and her husband. She didn't want to ruin her figure, miss work, or go through child birth. Also, they would've made HORRIBLE parents. Anyway, one day all the neighborhood ladies (which, apparently means ME too) were having a stupid tea party when my mom asks again.


';Don't worry: you'll change your mind. Look at little Maddie here, isn't she adorable?';


She slams her cup down, pastes on a smile, and says to my mom ';Gee, when I DO change my mind, you'll be the first to know. Oh, wait, that'll be my HUSBAND.';


Best day ever.


Just make a clear point that it really isn't anyone's business but yours and your spouse's. As faux-sweet as possible, so they can't get mad.
I lived till I was a 41 year old man with no children. In a loving relationship I was happy. Then our modest income household was turned over by the announcement and arrival of twin girls. I'm now 46. I know a love that was unimaginable to me until the twins. Both for them and my wife. Don't do it for anyone else and never think your decision not to have kids is wrong. Just know you are missing one of the truly all time greatest heights of emotional affection you will ever feel. A love none only to a parent.
Well I'm not married, and I don't plan to have kids in the near future.
You should just answer them when you feel the time is right, cause it is very important that you should feel that you're ready to change your life and have a baby. The day baby is born your life changes and thats a fact. I had 1st baby at 21years and feel that's to young a person is not 100% ready that age but 2nd one at 25years and i realised that i was acually only then ready for that step in my life. And then only start with a family from 3years of marriage cause if earlier you don't have that time where it's just the 2 of you to spend time together and to learn each other more and build that close bond and have fun together.
My husband and I are child-free by choice. We are in our 30's and have been together for 9 years. Our friends and family no longer push the issue, they have come to accept it. Most often when people ask, we respond simply with ';we do not want children; we love kids, we just don't want them.'; We have had some strange responses, such as ';I am so sorry'; to which I respond, ';Why are you sorry; it's our choice.'; We just have too many things we like to do and still want to do and kids do not fit into that equation. There will always be people pushing their decisions on to others. If someone challenges your decision, simply tell them you are fine with your decision and they need to be as well.
I was for a long time. I have not had any biological children. But when I got married my husband had a son from a previous marriage. If he didn't already have him, I would likely remain without a child. (too old now anyway).


And yes, I heard all of that.


When I responded, I just shrugged my shoulders and said ';Could be, but not likely, it probably wouldn't be in the best interest of the child. Or society'; I really didn't let it get to me. I found it fairly easy to ignore. Meaning just as often, I would simply not answer or respond to their part of the conversation.





I am in my mid-fourties now, and we've been married just over 6 yrs. Even when we got married, the third year into it people were asking that very thing. I had my standard response but I also was able to add, ';I am too old, I wouldn't want to jeapordize the health of a baby.'; Finally people have quit asking for the most part, I still get the occasional query, but then I tell them my age and they say ';Oh...';... but now it's ';Why didn't you ever have any kids of your own?'; GROAN
I have children but my sister doesn't. She is past the age to have children but she says she feels she made the right decision, She has been married once. She always said she wouldn't change her mind...She was afraid she would be a bad mother like ours. But instead of worrying about that I decided to make sure that I wouldn't be like our mother and I would treat my children good. And I do!!
I am married and have been for 1year and 4months. We are child free by choice. My Mother in law is always telling me we should have kids. I say nope, I can't handle a yappy dog, let alone a bratty kid.
Why wouldn't you want kids?





Either way if you both have decided that it's just not for you, then others should respect that, even if they don't understand why.





Although I personally want to be a mother one day, it is a fact that couples who don't have children retire earlier and take more holidays.
I would never choose to be child free. My daughter is the most precious thing thats ever happened to me. I think people that do not want children are selfish and unloving people. I think biologically there is something wrong there. Thats just so weird to me, not to want to share and love a baby human.