Why do people automatically assume I don't want to get married/date just because I'm childfree?

I've pretty much made the decision that one of my major goals in life is to make it to my old age WITHOUT ever giving birth to or adopting a child. It really, really, REALLY doesn't seem that fulfilling or enlightening to me.





However, a lot of people, including a couple of my relatives, seem to interpret this as me not wanting to get married and preferring to die alone and with lots of cats. Which is farther from the truth- I want to get married. I just want a hubby who dislikes the prospect of having children as much as I do.





So please explain to me- WHAT THE HELL?Why do people automatically assume I don't want to get married/date just because I'm childfree?
You will change your mind when you get married.





Thanks for sounding so whiny about this topic! You don't like my opinions then don't post the questions dear. Hard but true.Why do people automatically assume I don't want to get married/date just because I'm childfree?
Wow do you sound ignorant. I guess all of those married couples out there with no kids are imaginary, huh?

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I know a few people who are much like you, they don't want kids. There are guys out there that don't want kids. As long as your honest and up front with the guys you date, then you will find someone like you who doesn't want kids. Some people just don't want kids, and some people who have them shouldn't. Some people think that every couple should have kids and wants them. Best of luck!!!
I think that it is just a common assumption for people to make. A lot of people get married so they can have kids - or because they already have kids together.


There is nothing wrong with not wanting to have children. The right partner will come along for you...just make sure that you have a long talk about the subject.
I've been childfree by choice for years as well but thankfully I never ran into that. I still always had people try to hook me up with someone. I finally found a wonderful man by joining the local childfree social group in my area and attending their social functions.





Good luck! There are plenty of childfree men out there. :o)
Marriage usually means kids. If you are planning on not having kids then you probably will never find a guy. Therefore everyone's opinions.
They're narrow minded and can't think out of the box!






You shouldn't be moved by others opinions, and there are plenty! of guys out there that do not want kids. Go for it!

pimple

Why do parents feel the need to preach about the joys of parenthood to the childfree?

We already know that ';it's all worth it';. We've already heard that ';you'll change your mind one day';. Or that ';it's the most important jb in the world';.





We don't preach to you about the joys of being childfree and try and talk you into NOT having children. Not all people want children and not all people are fulfilled by parenthood.





So why do you still feel the need to preach to the childfree about how great parenthood is?Why do parents feel the need to preach about the joys of parenthood to the childfree?
I think that every parent who is honest will admit that they think of what their life would be like if they didn't have kids. The trips that they would take, the great hobbies they would have time to do, the great shape they would be in if they had all that time to go to the gym, how clean their house would be, etc. Whether all that is true or not doesn't matter. I think a lot of that preaching about how wonderful it is to have children is mostly about convincing themselves that having children was a good trade off with all of those other things that might have been if they didn't have children.





Also, there are a lot of really great things about parenthood that parents think other people just can't miss out on. But I totally agree with you that some people don't have that burning desire to have children and that it is silly to try to convince them.





In this day and age, it should be a choice, and some people know themselves well enough to know that parenthood isn't for them. It isn't like our species is in danger of extinction or that the only point in life is to reproduce. In the past, really the only way that many women could find meaning in life was to make a home and fill it with kids to take care of. Now that there are so many more options for women, the attitude that everyone must procreate has got to go away!





I think that the only thing you can do with these kind of people is to smile and try and change the subject. Just ask a parent how their kid is doing in school or what the kid's latest achievement is and they will be totally off the subject of you and on to raving about how wonderful their progeny is!Why do parents feel the need to preach about the joys of parenthood to the childfree?
i don't. i think most people don't. though i certainly am happy to talk about what i think of parenthood if asked.





i'm sure you mean why do *some* parents. just as, i've noticed, *some* childfree people feel the need to bash parenthood and children generally.





some people are jerks. it affects parents and nonparents equally.
That is rude. If someone knows you're childfree by choice, they have no business saying anything to you about it. I have a friend who doesn't want kids and I applaud her for it. There are enough moms who don't want to parent her kids. She's not going to be one of them.
I dont! I have many child free by choice friends, they love my kids but don;t want to take them home!!! We find alot of things to talk about. If someone ask me my opinion, I say that parenthood is not for the faint of heart, but its the right choice for me!!
i love having kids but some dont- you may change your mind one day or you may not- it's your choicde but it is a big one-it's a huge responsibility





i never even thought to ask anyone why they didnt have kids or even chose that route. for all i know it could be a sensitive subject
Lol. I'd never preach to you. How dare I try to push a child on someone that doesn't want one? Kids deserve better than that. As a grown adult, surely you can make your own choices. Why need a stranger to browbeat you into one? My stepmother has no bio children, only 2 of us from my Dad's first marriage. If that's the way they wanted it, that's how it is. I'd never presume anything differently.
When you refer to ';you'; in your question, you are not referring to ME because I do not have children. Will not have children, never had children, don't want children. Nobody seems to raz me about it. Just tell those people that you are NOT having children and ask them to change the subject! It's none of their business. What if you Can't, that's not their business either and yet they keep asking you don't they? It's annoying and something you just want to say SHUT THE 'F'; UP! but you are too polite and you don't. At some point, you are going to be so tired of it that you are going to ask them ';what part of ';NO'; don't you understand?';


Now that I am 44, nobody will dare tell me I'll change my mind or go into that whole lecture. When people ask if I have kids I say ';No kids, cats'; I have three cats, a bird some walking stick bugs, gonna get a puppy. THOSE are my children and my husband and I are just peachy fine dandy with that.


And I like how you put that. We are not ';childless'; we are ';childfree'; Free to do what we want. Free to not be burdened by kids, free to spend our money elsewhere, free from the HUGE responsibility free from....you get it.
maybe they are insecure........


as an expectant mother i have never made those comments to anyone.


its good to be carefree i loved it but at this moment im not but its all good.
I've never tried to push parenthood on anyone. Not everyone has what it takes to be a good parent, and that's OK. I respect those who realize they're not parent material and make the decision to remain childless.


Similarly, my husband and I HAVE been told by childless people how great it is not having kids, and asked why on Earth we would want to ';give up our lives'; for our children. In fact, when I mentioned to a close (childless) friend that my husband and I are happily awaiting Baby #2, she asked me why we'd want to have to go through raising another kid. Needless to say, she won't be invited to the baby shower!


For us, we haven't given up anything; our lives have only been enhanced by our son. We still have an active social life, but we personally love being with our son more than anything. I realize not everyone feels the same way, and that's fine. To each her own.
One can only know how great it is if they are a parent. I am a parent of two and do not preach to people who are child free unless they ask me about it. People who plan on being child free are usually strong animal lovers. Are you? I love my dog, but it's a completely different kind of love. Just live your life one day at a time the way you want to. If you change your mind one day than great for you....if you decide to be child free than great for you. Life is to short to worry about what other people think.
CHILDFREE OR CHILDLESS?

I have a question for teens and young adults when it comes to being childfree permanantly.?

Lets say if you decided at an young age you never wanted children, and you chose to have a sterilization at a young age. If you had one, would you regret it and be happy about it?





If you chose to be childless permanantly...





Girls, which would you have, tubal ligation, hysterectomy, IDU, or birth control?





Guys, which would you have, castration or a vasectomy?I have a question for teens and young adults when it comes to being childfree permanantly.?
I'm thinking about making myself 'childfree' in the future. No, I don't think I'll regret it, because ever since I've been little, kids have never been of interest to me.I have a question for teens and young adults when it comes to being childfree permanantly.?
i wouldnt do anything permanant...but stick to birth control. because i could have changed my mind if i met the right person, or just with age.





but luckily...i wanted babies. so i dont have to think about that... but once i pop out another one or two, im going with the tubal ligation.
Usually doctors will not perform these type of surgeries on young people unless there are extenuating circumstances (an hereditary disease, for example). And castration? You're kidding, right? A hysterectomy? No doc is performing either of these for birth control!!!!
Castration is waaaaaaaaay too drastic. Vasectomy is better.
Your question in inconsistent.





You ask: If you decided you did not want children, would you regret it later?





That is utterly stupid. If someone KNOWS they are going to change theit mind they won't undergo some permanent procedure, KNOWING they will be sorry later, now will they?
UM, A respectable doctor would refuse to sterilize a person under a certain age if they have not already had at least 2 children, so that is not even an option. If they are not wanting to have children they need to use proper birth control until they are old enough to make that decision.


BTW: I met my husband when I was 30 and never really thought that I would want kids until I met him, so it was a good thing I never took that drastic measure.
Castration and hysterectomy would have serious health effects and no Dr would do it. For starters women run a significantly higher risk of osteoporosis if they do not produce any oestrogen (which they wouldn't if they had a full hyst). Aside from that both sexes would need to be on hormone replacement for the rest of their lives, which isn;t healthy.





I don't think your actual question is one that can be answered by a teen or youngster - perhaps by someone that has been through this? Although I'd be surprised if anyone has been through this as most Drs won't perform this type of drastic action on a youngster.
CASTRATION!!! I not a four legged dog.
Guys should choose a vesectomy over castration.





IUD and ';birth control'; (I'm assuming you mean pills, patch, implants, shot's, etc.) are not permanent. The only thing a young girl can definitely get is the ';birth control'; option.





Many doctors will not do any permanent action on people who are younger than 25, which for many it's a good reason but for the few that are certain where they stand and won't change their mind it's an annoyance. IUD is designed more for women who have already had children, you have to look for a physician willing to do it if you havn't had vaginal birth and it's more likely to be rejected by your body (or not even fit) if you haven't carried a child to term.





Hysterectomy and castration are just extreme methods and have huge repercussions beyond making on infertile, I highly highly doubt a person not undergoing a sex change operation would find a doctor willing to do either of those procedures if the person is just avoiding reproduction.
I dont much want kids of my own but I'm pretty sure I will change my mind one day.


I'm currently taking birth control pills but for other medical reasons but I will most likely keep taking them even after I dont have to anymore.


I might one day like to have some other, permanant solution done
Well, I don't plan on staying child free for the rest of my life, but if I did, I would choose birth control, in case I changed my mind.
castration?? hahhaha you're bugginn

Am I a bad person for being proud of yourself for being childfree?

I'm a 31 year old guy and it feels so great knowing that I don't have that responsibility. I can do whatever I want and take it easy. I mean I think babies are cute and all that, but they are just not for me. I don't know how people do it because I would go crazy from the stress of raising children. Every time I see people with their loud kids at Walmart I say to myself ';thank god I'm not them!';...I also don't want to get married. Am I weird for not wanting a family?Am I a bad person for being proud of yourself for being childfree?
No, I don't think you're weird for feeling this way. Some people aren't cut out to me husbands or fathers. So, go do your own thing, guilt free.Am I a bad person for being proud of yourself for being childfree?
no your smart because there are people who have kids and dont want them then they get abused and are not cared for. not everyone should have kids and especially if a person does not want any thats a dangerous mixture. stay single if you want and enjoy your life and remember not everyone needs to be a parent.
You don't sound like a bad person. You have the right to remain childless, that is as long as you don't make any children! If you make one, it's yours!
no because someones makig up for it anyway ha.
No. I differ a little from you due to the fact that I AM married. However, we aren't planning to have kids. I also like the freedom of responsibility, and think I wouldn't be cut out to be a dad. I like having the extra money to buy all the toys I've wanted. Now, some people think this is selfish. Funny how they don't think the same thing about the people who SHOULDN'T have children that do, just because they want kids. What's worse: Not having kids because you don't want the responsibility, and would rather have extra money to live a happy comfortable life? Or having kids when you can't be there for them or have the money to provide a good life for them, only having them because you want kids?
I personally don't think that you are weird for not wanting kids and not wanting to get married. To me, there are too many people who are married for the wrong reasons and have children for the wrong reasons.


At least you know what you want and are honest and happy with your decision. Don't get married or have children if you are not sure of either one. You are only hurting another person and innocent children !!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I am Child-free and almost 42. My girlfriend is Child-free and almost 37. It is not bad to be Child-free.





I know plenty of parents that are not very happy with having children. However, they can't say anything in public because that is a social taboo.





Just be happy that you made the right choice. Way too many people that have no business having children get pressured by society into having them anyway.

I have a question for the individuals who want to be childfree indefinitely (myself included)...?

Ok, most of you already know that I don't want children. But I would like opinions from other childfree people.





1) Has your family ever criticized you just because you don't want kids?





2) If your family criticized you, what did you do to get them off your back?





3) If you met a girl/guy who wanted kids and you liked her/him very much, would you convince her/him not to have kids?





4) Is it hard to find someone who likes to be childfree indefinitely as well?





5) If you told your parents you didn't want kids, did they turn your words around, like saying you'll have them one day?





6) Did people call you selfish just because you prefer to be childfree?





7) If you were to have sex with your spouse, what would you do to keep from getting pregnant?





8) If your parents wanted you to have kids, would you reject their decisions and remain childfree anyway?





9) Would life be easier with or without children in your life?I have a question for the individuals who want to be childfree indefinitely (myself included)...?
You have a total of 9 questions here, but not to worry. Do you live close to a kindergarten or some other public school? Perhaps a daycare center? Or maybe a local park where kids like to play? Jeez, it seems you have a phobia about kids. But cheer up! Its your right not to have kids and if all your loved ones insist then tell them to adopt their own. Why not free yourself from all these grown-ups who are acting like kids themselves. If it means telling your spouse to be a donor for someone elses child so be it. Sounds like you should fly the coop, so to speak, and go off on your own on a self-revitalizing journey where you might meet some-like minded adults who'd prefer to leave the babysitting to others. Its quite politically correct as feminism is now part of our cultural mosaic. Some people just are not orientated to the family life and choose to pursue individualistic dreams.I have a question for the individuals who want to be childfree indefinitely (myself included)...?
i have a question.....why are you asking this on a parenting board?and if there is anyone on here who never wants kids...


then why are you in the parenting board?
I just want to say that if you don't want children, then good for you for standing up for it. Better to not have them if you don't want them than to bow to pressure from wherever and have one and then realize you were right all along. To me, it doesn't matter why you don't want children, it matters that you just don't want them and that you aren't going to have them. Just be sure that you make sure your ';partner'; is in total agreement before things go too far.
my daughters are 37 and 31 and my son is 35, none are married and none want children. What they want is up to them, do I feel bad cause they do not have children, no? I guess getting married and having children is what is expected, but I expect mine to live the kind of life they want and do what works for them. If your family bothers you about it, change the subject. I am not the average parent, nor are my three the average children, I love them because they have a mind, make their own decisions, good or bad and they have to live with them. I am still a mother but my mothering days are over
Family and friends or even co workers will always try and convince you to have children and think it odd (and tell you) that you choose not to have them. If you firmly believe you dont' want them then don't have them. Don't date someone who wants children in the future...they will think you will change your mind..if you are sure you won't wait for the person who is in agreement with you on that issue. It isn't selfish to not want kids...it is a personal choice. Life is easier, usually, without kids.
that is A decision that people have to make on their own.
Are you trying to convince yourself you made the right decision?





First and foremost YOU are responsible for YOUR choices in life. If you and your partner/spouse are in agreeance about not having children. Take double precautions not to have children.





Have questions like these or conversations like these says your mind is still open to debate. If it's not, then let it go and stick to your guns.

Is it ok to dislike parents for their hostility against the childfree?

I resent parents and future parents because they like ot judge alot. They always judge childfree people (like me), telling us we're too young, we'll change our mind, we're selfish, arrogant, we'll go to hell, we're gay.





Anyone who has a problem with childfree people, they deal with me! So is it normal to dislike parents for their hostility, harassment, and disrespect against childfree people and their choices and decisions?








Note: I'm sorry, I'm just so frustrated right now. I may be young (19), but I'm not a kid person, I never was. My brother is 40 and is childfree and he felt that way for a long time.Is it ok to dislike parents for their hostility against the childfree?
i agree with you. i am 26 and have no kids or any desire to have any. it bothers me that some people with children (which a lot have kids because they think that is what you are supposed to do once you get married) do put themselves up on a pedestal for having little brats.





i do hate when people tell me ';once you get married, that will change.'; how do they know that? i don't even want to get married, much less want to procreate. and i also hate ';well you're not a mother, so you wouldn't know.'; yeah well i am a human and i do live in society, so there are a lot of things that i would know.Is it ok to dislike parents for their hostility against the childfree?
It is wrong to stereotype people. Not all parents are hostile toward the childfree. Most of my friends have kids. I don't. They occasionally assume I don't like kids, which is just not the case, but they are not hostile. I would have a problem with anyone who was hostile against me for being who I am, but I would not generalize that to all parents.





Something else bothers me here. You say they tell you that you will change your mind. That means that you have told them that you don't like kids. Saying that to parents is just as bad as parents telling you that you are selfish for being childfree.
Well, it's certainly normal to dislike parents who make statements like that about you. I personally don't have a problem with parents in general, but I don't want kids either, and if any parent said any of those things to me I would have a problem with them too.





A polite way to deal would be to just ignore these comments, or say ';I'm really pretty sure I don't want kids.'; If they say more, then just walk away.
It is good (and smart) to know that you are not a kid person. And they are right...it may change in the future, but maybe not either. My wife and I are not kid people and do not have any (and are not planning on it). We sometimes get ridiculed by all of our friends and other people that have kids, but it doesn't bother me. I believe that if more people were honest with themselves, there would be less abused and neglected kids in the world...
Blow it off.





They're just jealous because you get to do more things, have more money and fewer responsibilities and liabilities than they do.





Parenting is frustrating business and they need to be mad at some one. Right now it's you. Sooner or later they'll turn their anger on the other parent, the grandparents, the school teacher, whomever. You should learn to find it amusing.
Child free, is that being a gay person or some one who is still a virgin? or maybe someone who doesn't like or have kids? either way, y would u dislike parents they helped you through your whole life, they always want best for you, now if u dun want kids or are gay just tell dem to stop bothering u bout that...
If someone is treating you disrespectfully, then it's only natural that you would have negative feelings about that person. But please don't lump us parents all together. We don't ALL think badly of you. I couldn't care less if you have kids or not. I live my life and you live yours. I really don't care...





Stop being so concerned with what everyone else says and does and just enjoy your life!
Live your life the way that makes you happy and don't worry about other people's opinions. There are plenty of children in the world. If you don't want any, that is your right. Go forward and be happy.
Truly I understand. I wasn't a kid person either - well, little kids are fun; but babies - ugh - I didn't even like my own son when he was a baby - I love him with my heart and soul - as my answer to immortality - but truly I don't care for babies all that much.





Little kids on the other hand - are great for taking to the movies, the zoo, the park, the mall - filling them full of sweets and junk food - and giving them back to their mommies.





But at 19, you have other things to think about besides babies and parenthood. College, career, travel, all those things that make you a well-rounded person.





And maybe some day - or maybe not - you will indeed have a change of mind. But if not - then, enh. That's OK too.





But do lighten up. Some of us ';Parents'; aren't nearly as critical as you are of us.
I'm a senior citizen and I have never ever had anyone judge me because I didn't have children. I think you are oversensitive and perhaps feeling guilty that you don't want them.





No one can say to you that you will ';change your mind';, that '; you are selfish or arrogant'; for the simple reason that children are made out of love (surely you'd love your partner) and it just happens if it's going to happen and it's unpredictable. So what I suggest to you is rather to say to yourselves, ';if we become parents then we will accept and love that child with all our hearts, be there for the child (or children), protect them and provide them everything we can';.


When God decides he wants you to have a child you will have one. You don't have a choice. And, he decides if your child will be normal or not, so prepare for that kind of situation ahead of time in learning to accept this kind of child.





You never said if your brother had been checked out and his swimmers are prolific or not. Are ';your'; swimmers taking an active role?
I have friends with no children, and in their 40s and up, it makes no sense for me to be upset with them cuz they don't have kids- how is it selfish to not want kids and to not have them?! Forcing yourself to have kids when you don't want them would just be dumb!





This sounds odd, but I'd say they are jealous that they don't have the freedom people who don't have kids have.





Like right now my husband and I don't have kids and we have friends that do, and they keep saying ';when you gonna have kids?'; and my hubby is trying to push and I'm like no way we are young and your friends WISH they had our freedom lol.
My husband and I are in our mid/late 20s and are child-free. We don't get too much slack for not having kids. Every now and then someone will ask us ';when are y'all going to have a baby'; and we just respond ';never'; . Usually the conversation ends with that. Very seldom do we get the ';you will change your mind'; speech and in that case there's the ';nope, my husband had a vasectomy'; response and then the conversation defiantly ends. The ONLY 2 people that will continue to push the topic are our mothers but in their defense my mother has serious mental disorders and his mother is brain damaged. Most people don't have anything negitive to say about OUR CHOICE not to procreate. If they do, that is their problem, not ours and it shows a lack of maturity on their part. Heck, I knew that I didn't ever want kids when I was 12 and now I am 27 years old and I still feel the same way as I did back then.
My husband and I decided we didn't want children, we're both in our 50's now and happy with that decision. However, the only grief ever given was to me, by other women!!!





I've been called selfish because I chose not to have children. My reply to them was to ask them if they wanted children. When they replied 'yes' I said to them that they were just as 'selfish' because they HAD them when they wanted them. There was no difference between us.





I also tell people who have kids and get on my case for not having them .........I ask them just what qualities they each had that they thought should be reproduced in this world? Why they thought they were so 'all that' that the world needed little duplicates of them.





Nah, live your life for yourself. Why live your life any other way for people you're not even around all the time. You live with you.

Am I a bad person for being proud of yourself for being childfree?

I'm a 31 year old guy and it feels so great knowing that I don't have that responsibility. I can do whatever I want and take it easy. I mean I think babies are cute and all that, but they are just not for me. I don't know how people do it because I would go crazy from the stress of raising children. Every time I see people with their loud kids at Walmart I say to myself ';thank god I'm not them!';...I also don't want to get married. Am I weird for not wanting a family?Am I a bad person for being proud of yourself for being childfree?
No, I don't think you're weird for feeling this way. Some people aren't cut out to me husbands or fathers. So, go do your own thing, guilt free.Am I a bad person for being proud of yourself for being childfree?
no your smart because there are people who have kids and dont want them then they get abused and are not cared for. not everyone should have kids and especially if a person does not want any thats a dangerous mixture. stay single if you want and enjoy your life and remember not everyone needs to be a parent.
You don't sound like a bad person. You have the right to remain childless, that is as long as you don't make any children! If you make one, it's yours!
no because someones makig up for it anyway ha.
No. I differ a little from you due to the fact that I AM married. However, we aren't planning to have kids. I also like the freedom of responsibility, and think I wouldn't be cut out to be a dad. I like having the extra money to buy all the toys I've wanted. Now, some people think this is selfish. Funny how they don't think the same thing about the people who SHOULDN'T have children that do, just because they want kids. What's worse: Not having kids because you don't want the responsibility, and would rather have extra money to live a happy comfortable life? Or having kids when you can't be there for them or have the money to provide a good life for them, only having them because you want kids?
I personally don't think that you are weird for not wanting kids and not wanting to get married. To me, there are too many people who are married for the wrong reasons and have children for the wrong reasons.


At least you know what you want and are honest and happy with your decision. Don't get married or have children if you are not sure of either one. You are only hurting another person and innocent children !!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I am Child-free and almost 42. My girlfriend is Child-free and almost 37. It is not bad to be Child-free.





I know plenty of parents that are not very happy with having children. However, they can't say anything in public because that is a social taboo.





Just be happy that you made the right choice. Way too many people that have no business having children get pressured by society into having them anyway.

pimple

I have a question for the individuals who want to be childfree indefinitely (myself included)...?

Ok, most of you already know that I don't want children. But I would like opinions from other childfree people.





1) Has your family ever criticized you just because you don't want kids?





2) If your family criticized you, what did you do to get them off your back?





3) If you met a girl/guy who wanted kids and you liked her/him very much, would you convince her/him not to have kids?





4) Is it hard to find someone who likes to be childfree indefinitely as well?





5) If you told your parents you didn't want kids, did they turn your words around, like saying you'll have them one day?





6) Did people call you selfish just because you prefer to be childfree?





7) If you were to have sex with your spouse, what would you do to keep from getting pregnant?





8) If your parents wanted you to have kids, would you reject their decisions and remain childfree anyway?





9) Would life be easier with or without children in your life?I have a question for the individuals who want to be childfree indefinitely (myself included)...?
I am only 25 and have never had any desire to have children. My family has never criticized me for not wanting children because I believe they think I will change my mind one day. I have had friends and co-workers say that it was selfish to not want to have kids in my life and that I would regret it one day. I think that it is definitely a topic to discuss with a significant other before getting too serious because of the seriousness of the subject. And no, I don't think you should try to convince someone who does want children not to have them, and that goes both ways. If you do manage to convince them to change their mind, eventually there would be resentment. As far as getting pregnant, I'm a woman, all I have to do is remember to take my pill everyday. Oh, and I don't think anyone should have kids just because their family thinks they should.

Is it ok to dislike parents for their hostility against the childfree?

I resent parents and future parents because they like ot judge alot. They always judge childfree people (like me), telling us we're too young, we'll change our mind, we're selfish, arrogant, we'll go to hell, we're gay.





Anyone who has a problem with childfree people, they deal with me! So is it normal to dislike parents for their hostility, harassment, and disrespect against childfree people and their choices and decisions?








Note: I'm sorry, I'm just so frustrated right now. I may be young (19), but I'm not a kid person, I never was. My brother is 40 and is childfree and he felt that way for a long time.Is it ok to dislike parents for their hostility against the childfree?
Some people dont want kids. Theres nothing wrong with it. Just ignore people. You will get remarks no matter what you do. People think that they are right and that they know everything.Is it ok to dislike parents for their hostility against the childfree?
You do realize that your question right here is absolutely dripping with judgment and stereotypes, don't you?





Not all parents are hostile towards childfree people. In fact, I would think that a large majority of them respect you for knowing yourself well enough to know that you would not be a good parent and being strong enough to buck society %26amp; do what you know is right for yourself. You would not be doing society or your future children any favors by having a child that you knew you didn't want and didn't want to raise.
you dislike all parents and future parents? that will certainly keep you busy with not liking a lot of people.





i have no problem with people with kids, without kids, people who hope to have kids, or people who have decided never to have them. i do have a problem with people who judge and stereotype entire groups of people based on what a handful of people do.
having kids is a VERY personal decision, i would personally rather see someone who knows they dont want any, and not have any, then someone with a houseful they dont take care of. or one accident that they neglect or abuse and make miserable. good for you for realizing you wouldnt want to raise a child. whether you change your mind or not later on is also your own decision, i dont know why anyone else would worry about it
You sound like the one with the hostility here. Who has disrespected you? I don't know any parents who resent the childfree. Maybe your brother had a few odd experiences but for you to be 19 and already resenting people who have done nothing to you, seems harsh.
Seems to me that you just have a need to blast other people. Why do you keep posting about it? Nobody cares if you are childfree unless you constantly bring it up.
If you don't want to have kids, you don't want to have kids. I only have problems with people who keep having kids they don't want.
Here you go, this is perfect for you.





www.childfreebychoice.com
I don't judge childfree people, i understand that some people just don't want or shouldn't have children. That is their right just as it is our right to want to have children. My aunt is 50 years old and great with kids but never wanted 1 of her own and that is ok with me. I have many family members that choose to have the childfree life and that works for them. I had teachers in school that didn't want to ever have children and that was their right. Just learn to ignore them.





I find there are judgemental people on all sides of life. I have met childfree people that judge me for having children or having more than 1 child and constantly on me about it or they are constantly judging those that choose to have multiple children. So it goes both ways believe me.

Is it normal to hate parents for their hostility against the childfree?

Ok, if you seen my last question about me not liking kids, now this is about the parents.





I resent parents and wannabes because they like ot judge alot. They always judge childfree people (like me), telling us we're too young, we'll change our mind, we're selfish, arrogant, we'll go to hell, we're gay.





Anyone who has a problem with childfree people, they deal with me! So is it normal to hate parents for their hostility and disrespect against childfree people and their choices and decisions?








Note: I'm sorry, I'm just so frustrated right now.Is it normal to hate parents for their hostility against the childfree?
The poster who's a mother of two does not know what it's like to be childfree and harassed or ridiculed for your choice. I've heard it all over the years (I'm in my 40's and still ecstatically childfree) and it can be extremely frustrating and annoying. I don't hate parents like that, I just avoid them whenever possible.


Some of them are probably either jealous or threatened by the fact that other people made a different choice and didn't follow the ';life script.';Is it normal to hate parents for their hostility against the childfree?
I'm 27 years old and I don't have children by choice. But I don't hate parents and their children. Everyone is different and there are actually children out there who know how to act in public. The only problem I have with being single and childless is that I sometimes feel like everything is against me. I get the most taxes taken out of my checks and hardly receive it back during tax time. There are no programs out there that help with health or dental insurance. But the bright side is that I don't have to look for a babysitter to go out and get to spend my disposable income on shoes and clothes. So, do hate just live life the way you chose to live it.
It seems quite OK to have strong feelings about parents who dont accept a persons'/couples decision to remain childfree. What this boils down to is that MOST parents dream of having grandkids. This is normal, really. When the parents expectations are clearly not going to be met, they may become hostile. This is clearly a reflection of their inability to accept and therefor support the choice of their own child. It is also a reflection of their own maturity. They'll ';get over it'; or not. Be true to your own convictions.


This is YOUR life.
I am the mother of 2 children and I know exactly what you are talking about that. Mothers especially are so competative and critical with each other you wouldnt believe. It is a club you dont want to be a part of. (not being a mother but the ';mom'; club.) I notice that a lot of people do that to single people too ';when are you gonna get married'; that kind of stuff. Some people are so miserable with the decisions that they made that they want to make others feel bad. Others want to play the ';perfect parent'; ';perfect wife'; role. You are not selfish I admire you for doing what you want to do.
no i guess not parents always want the best for us i no for my lil one1 i do u are the only 1 who nos if they want kids i cant see y u dont like kids tho thts harsh !! really harsh! prehaps u have a reason i dont no :s , it duznt matter if uve got kids or not every 1 2 there own and im sure ull have a just as fufilled life as some 1 with children , u make ur life what u want to x
no man. your perfectly normal. No one should ever train there state of thinking it's today's world of ,money and entertainment that leads people to believe they need to change but they don't.

How do I counter criticism and denial for my being childfree?

I've been childfree ever since I could remember, and though I've thought about what my life would be like if I DID have children, it never appealed to me, nor did I ever come close to changing my mind.





Yet I keep hearing the same CRAP from the same stupid people. Crap like ';Oh, you'll change your mind!'; and ';ALL WOMEN WANT CHILDREN!!!!!1!';





How do I get them to stop?





Additionally, a lot of people have confused my wanting to be childfree with not wanting to get married or being a hard-*** career woman. Not true- I really DO want to get married (to a childfree man) and am looking to pursue a pretty modest career. Is this some sort of stereotype I'm unfamiliar with?How do I counter criticism and denial for my being childfree?
I'm sorry you're going through this. Some people are just rude and ignorant and think that everyone HAS to think like they do.





Hopefully those that are close to you understand your feelings and respect them. If the people bothering you are strangers or people who otherwise don't know you very well, then who cares what they think?





Some people you just won't be able to stop. When they say, ';Oh, you'll change your mind,'; just politely say, ';Sure, maybe'; and change the subject.





For the really rude ones... next time someone asks you why you don't want children, look at them wide-eyed, then burst into tears and tell them that when you were 14 a Dr. told you that you had fertility issues and would never be able to have kids. That ought to shut them up :) But then, I'm a bit of a smart aleck sometimes!How do I counter criticism and denial for my being childfree?
You're also supposed to diet constantly and when you get married put your career on the backburner and put your husband's career first.





It's just one of those things you have to say, ';Screw you'; to and walk away. There are a lot of men and women working diligently to dispel these myths. It's a slow battle.
I'm sorry you're dealing with these people. I'm childfree and I faced the same kind of harassment from these breeders.





Just don't say anything to the breeders and you won't have a problem.





I personally find childfree women attractive. I love them. I would love to marry a childfree woman.
They do it to men as well. Most of the time they call us “gay”, “communist”, or “impotent”. I get so irritated with the titles. I have found that HR will not help.





I just think of something “witty” to say back. Usually I say something that they have to think about in order to understand. That makes them angry because they have to take the time to think about it.
girl, don't worry about what people say, It is none of their dam bussiness! You can't get them to stop, so next time just don't talk about it or change the subject. and if they continue just tell them you don't want to have children and that they are offending you.
It's such a thing all women endure these people... simply don't respond you are better than this judgmental person. So you don't want kids there is nothing wrong with that- the people that are pushing that stuff are just thoughtless and they don't really deserve a response. I would just look at them strangely and laugh then walk away.
Just be up front and honest by telling them yes u want to marry %26amp; have a career but it does not include children. Its none of their business why u don't want kids %26amp; u shouldn't have to defend your decision not to have any
Not all woman want to be mothers and some mothers should never have had children point that out to them.


You know your own mind
I sympathize with you.





It's even worse when you are married. Hubby and I have been married for almost 16 years and his family is finally starting to understand that we are never having children.





I too have heard the same presumptuous, condescending lines from family and friends. Unfortunately, you can't stop them from being obnoxious. We live in a pronatalist society that assumes every woman wants children. Some people don't even think of having children as optional...they think it's something they're ';supposed'; to do! Absurd, isn't it?





The best response to smile and ignore their presumptions. If you really feel the need to respond, politely tell them that parenting is a life long, irreversible responsibility of which you have no interest.

I am Currently on Depakote 250mg. I am pondering becoming childfree. I need Advice!?

I am going to be straight up. Ive had seizures since 1999. I am currently on Depakote 250 mg twice a day. Currently the depakote has been controlling my seizures very well. I have the typeof seizures that are aggrivated by lack of sleep, which I have heard that children don't let you sleep much if at all. This comes from ppl I know who have children...they tell me this...





Depakote causes severe birth defects that can include death in 1% of births....which is too much of a risk for me. I like the way that depakote controlls my seizures and don't want to switch meds to some unknown that may not control them as well. If I have a seizure it means lifestyle and driving restrictions, which I refuse to give up.


Consequently, I am considering the possibility of not having children.





I need advice on this please!!!I am Currently on Depakote 250mg. I am pondering becoming childfree. I need Advice!?
It appears that you have done your research somewhat. However, do not base your decision upon fears. Keep researching. Children are born with birth defects all the time from unknown reasons. That is just the risk that is taken when you decide to have children. On the other hand, there are many, many children who need a good, loving parent, that are past the *don't let mommy and daddy sleep* stage. Basically, you CAN still have children, you just choose not from your uterus! lol Good Luck in your decision!I am Currently on Depakote 250mg. I am pondering becoming childfree. I need Advice!?
The best thing would be to talk to you doctor and also get a second maybe a third opinion. Babies do keep you awake the have to eat about every two hours
CONSULT YOUR DOCTOR NOT A BUNCH OF WEB GEEKS.
This may be difficult for you as you are converting yourself from ';Childless'; to ';Child-free';. There is a big difference you must understand. ';Childless'; means you could not or decided not to have children due to circumstances like health, etc. ';Child-free'; people choose to not have children because they just plan don't want them. ';Child-free'; people are sometimes a little ego-centric about their choice. Many may be somewhat offended if you say you are ';Child-free because of health';. You might find that you don't fit well with ';Child-free'; people for this reason.





Either way you are wise to choose the path of caution. You could have a perfectly health baby, and turn out to be a great mom, but the odds are not in your favor. I suggest that it is better to error on the side of caution. I stand behind you on this.
I have 2 girls who are 3.5 %26amp; 5. They do sometimes make it hard to get enough sleep but all kids are different %26amp; it depnds on how much help you would be getting from a spouse or other helpers as to how har it would be on you.


You can also train your baby from a very early age to be on your schedule. So if you stay up late just because it is you %26amp; the sleep late, you can put your baby on your schedule.


I know lots of people who have always worked 3rd shift %26amp; their whole family is on that schedule, kids too! The only thing you would have to worry about is when they go to school. But you could just homeschool them.

Does race really have anything to do with being childfree?

I'm black and childfree by choice. A while ago, a family member told me that if I don't have kids, the black race will decrease. What the hell?? What does race have to do with being childfree?





Also as a black guy, I find white girls more attractive and if I were to have a intimate/long-term relationship with one, I never want kids in the relationship, just the two of us. No prejudice involved, but I'm not too crazy about kids. Now I know most women want kids, sadly.








Does race really have anything to do with being childfree and looking for a(n) intimate/long-term relationship with someone of another race but never have kids?Does race really have anything to do with being childfree?
Tell your thoughtless family member that you and your friends (white, black, brown, etc) didn't know we were competing to make the most babies. Maybe your family member needs to think about educating his or her children rather than making more of them.





I guess your relative would say all the white men that date black women are doing some kind harm to the black race. I may have it all wrong but I think that all women (regardless of race) like to be loved. What is wrong with that?





I am white and most of my black friends are educated. Guess what. Most of my white friends are educated as well.





I think there are more child free white people, but that is just a coincidence. I have met quite a few black child free people.Does race really have anything to do with being childfree?
I am white and dont' want kids! I know so many white people that are not having kids so tell our family member that the race wont die out because you don't want kids. tell them to stop living your life. i think your smart to not want kids. they are a life long issue that lots of people having kids probablly wish they would have not.
nope. all you have to do is find someone who thinks like you do.





tell your family member black people (or any people for that matter) won't disappear if a few decide not to reproduce.
I'm white ( so is my husband ) and we are childfree. Nothing to do with race.
Your family member is an idiot. White people are actually the minority on a global scale, not that white people will disappear if a few of us stop breeding. Race should have nothing to do with being childfree. It's just a choice that responsible adults sometimes make when they realize that they don't have the time nor the resources or are morally opposed to reproduction.





I'm a married, white, childfree woman and my husband is white as well, but I'll just let you know that whatever colour my husband's skin is makes little difference to me, then again, I'm not American and I know a lot of people are ignorant there. You'll find someone. Just be honest about your desire not to have children and consider getting a vasectomy. This way no woman will ever think she can change your mind and while you should continue to use condoms until you're in a monogamous relationship, if you get a vasectomy you're less likely to accidentally have sex with an irresponsible woman who will choose to have an unwanted children.

pimple

My husband wants to divorce me because i want childfree,should i agree?

i am 44,he 57 ,married 4 years,he said if i dont want child,he decides to divorce because it's not fair for him. He said i am a mentally sick woman,every woman wants child,except me. He said i put my life at risk now to refuse to have child for him.





what is the best way to handle this more peacefully?My husband wants to divorce me because i want childfree,should i agree?
Tell him he was born in the ice age, and welcome his divorce. You are not mentally sick, and no, not ';everyone'; wants one.


Tell him you welcome putting your life at risk and you don't need him. He's thickheaded there is no ';peaceful way';, he's obviously got a huge ego and wants to show it off to the world.My husband wants to divorce me because i want childfree,should i agree?
I guess the real question is did either of you discuss the possibility of having children before you got married, and what were your expectations, and did either or both of you make that known?


If he entered the marriage knowing that you didn't want children, and accepted that, and married anyway, then he is now at fault, because he wants to change the things you two had agreed to, and planned on.


If you knew that he wanted children, and you did not, and you did not tell him, in order to be married anyway, then you were at fault.


If neither of you brought this particular subject up before getting married then you are both at fault, for not having sorted out such a major issue before making the commitment.


Can your marriage get past this? Not if you both feel strongly about your point. It is too big an issue.
I think maybe I wouldn't give him a child, as you both are too old,you need to send him to a shrink, inform him of the facts of life, if we start now, hes 58 when the baby is 1, when the child's 10, and wanting to explore life riding bikes, etc, hes 68, and slowing down preferring to watch football, when the child is 15, in her teens, he is 78, and hasn't a chance of taking her to the fun parks in Queensland, forget Disneyland.He will be far better, to get in the real world, and start booking holidays, to Bali, Fiji, hong kong, where you both can have a ball and enjoy life.


If he is stuck in a groove, it could be a good to to reevaluate your life, and book yourself on a holiday to Bali, and maybe leaving him behind, might make the bum wake up, if not move on
This should have been discussed and resolved before your marriage. If you two can't do counseling, then, you may want to give him his divorce. After all, why would you bring a child into a home where they're half wanted. This would be an unhappy environment to bring a child up, and the marriage would be destroyed anyway before they are grown. Tell him to bring over his niece or nephews or friends kids when he has that farther feeling, and they may help change his mind. At least you can take them back to their parents once he figures out his selfish actions.
Not wanting a child does not make you mentally sick. I know women (and men) who don't want to have children. And that's just fine.





If I was married to someone who considered my lifestyle choices ';mentally sick';, I probably wouldn't want to be married to that person.





How is your relationship otherwise? How do you feel about him? Maybe it's worth trying couple counseling. Maybe counseling could show he can channel his father instinct other ways, such as coaching a sport, mentoring, --- by the way, Big Brother Big Sister organization always needs men who want to be a ';big brother'; to a little child without a good father figure.





And, hey, what's that about saying you put your life at risk? Is he threatening you???
Having children is not for every woman and their is nothing wrong with that. You can't be a good mother to a child you never wanted to have.





You were 40 when he married you. For most women that is too old to start a family for many reasons.





Didn't the two of you talk about having children BEFORE you got married? You should have.





What makes him think that he should have children, when he is 57 years old? When that child is 20 he will be 77.





What does he mean when he says you put your LIFE AT RISK NOW to refuse to have a child for him??? Is he threatening to kill you?





I would think twice about staying with a man who threatens my life in anyway, if I won't give him a child when I'm 44 years old.





Forget about handling this in a more peaceful way. Just run for the hills, girl! You don't need this kind of abuse. Yes this qualifies as abuse.
This is an issue you need to discuss BEFORE you get married.





You're not mentally sick for not wanting to have children. But if he wants children and you don't, then let him go. This is not an issue you can compromise on--you can't have half a child. Either way you go, someone in the relationship will be unhappy.





If you live in the US, he can get a divorce rather you agree to it or not.
First, you are NOT mentally sick. You are doing the right thing to not have a child if you do not want to be a Mother. Second, this is a major conflict of interests in a marriage, and you two probably should go your separate ways. There is, unfortunatly, no compromise on this. There is no ';meet in the middle';.
I am sorry to hear that you both have different opinions when it comes to having children.Only you two know exactly whether you are ready to bring in a new life.It is a serious commitment and decision.If that really matters that much to him, I feel you should let him go,unless you both can reach a really good and reasonable compromise.
Uh? He is mental. Asking a women in her mid forties to bare a child. Totally nuts!


At 44 you actually have a harder time with pregnancy than at an earlier age. (Including your own health) and your child has a higher risk of birth defects.


Furthermore he is dead wrong! Not every woman wants a child. I don't and quite a few of my friends down'
If you don't want a child then you don't want a child. Maybe you should be the one to ask for a divorce since he treats you like a breeding machine. Also at 57 he is also very old to be a father.
If you both have your minds set, then you should probably divorce. This was a discussion best suited before you got married.

Does race really have anything to do with being childfree?

I'm black and childfree by choice. Someone told me that if I don't have kids, the black race will decrease. What the heck?? What does race have to do with being childfree?





Also as a black guy, I prefer to date interracially. If I was to go long-term with a white girl, I wouldn't want kids in the relationship. Not becayse they'll be mixed, I'm just not too crazy about kids. Now I know most women want kids, sadly.








Does race really have anything to do with being childfree and looking for a(n) intimate/long-term relationship with someone of another race but never have kids?Does race really have anything to do with being childfree?
The person who told you that is clearly someone you don鈥檛 need to be listening to.





I suppose if I marry a black woman I am hurting your race as well huh (sarcasm)? I guess that makes me terrible if I love her and treat her like a princess. Shame on me!





The USA is overpopulated, and so is much of Asia, India, and most of Africa. So I don鈥檛 see how you are harming anyone by not having children. Actually someone told me that the birth rate for blacks is much higher in the USA than for whites, so I don鈥檛 think you are doing any harm to your race.





Again why is it a completion? The landfills are full of diapers, the water is polluted and the air is full of smog. Do you think the diapers, water, and air care what color you are? No the Earth is in big trouble, and we are all humans. We are all in trouble regardless of who it is that is making too many babies.Does race really have anything to do with being childfree?
Sweetie,I don't think race has anything to do with it. We have ignorant people of all colrs make comments like that. If whites keeps dating blacks and making kids there will be no more whites and blah blah blah. I'm white and have a black husband with 3 mixed children. There is no such thing as a ';pure'; race. Anyone in America is mixed with something. I'm not sure where you live but its pretty much that way worldwide. I think you're doing the right thing,there are way too many children in this world already who have no parents. Do what makes you happy and shrug off that ignorant statement that anyone says to you.
I don't believe so. There are some people who think that if their race doesn't carry on having kids it could die out. Ok. But to me, if a person wants to stay child-free it's their choice.





I agree with the geneology bit.
I agree with the first part, the second part I just want you to know as a man if you don't have Children you are killing your whole genealogy which is pretty sad but think about it OK my brotha!!!!

Why won't my husband stand up for OUR childfree lifestyle?

Over dinner with my husband last night, I was discussing a trip he will be taking out of the country for his nephew's Christening (Baptism? Whatever, the Catholic one). I'm unable to go, but I told him ';You have fun dodging the inevitable ';when are you going to have kids?'; questions. He told me, ';I've been pretty good at it so far.'; I asked what he meant, and this is the story.





We live about 300 miles away from our hometown, where his parents live. He visits them often, and usually without me because someone has to stay with the cats (they won't let us bring them). Apparently, his parents do keep bringing up the kids questions, and all he replies is, ';We aren't going to have kids.'; His parents say something about, ';Oh, you'll change your mind,'; and he doesn't say anything back. He could easily kill all this by just telling them I had my tubes tied, or even discussing further with them our decision. There's no need for them to keep bothering us about it, or for them to keep wondering. Let them get the disappointment over with already. But, he doesn't.





The thing that worries me is that I'm the one who pretty much decided to be childfree. I told him before we got married that I had no plans to have kids, so if he wanted them then he shouldn't marry me. He said that was okay with him, he didn't much like them anyway. So, I thought we were on the same page. I know his parents think it's all me, and I'm this horrible woman who stole their son and is refusing to give him children.





The thing is, I don't know if I should be annoyed at him for not standing up for me, and what is essentially his decision too because he chose to marry me. Or, if I should be concerned, and take his reluctance to stand up for me, for US, as his silent way of saying he thinks he made a mistake? Why won't he say anything, and how am I supposed to feel about this?Why won't my husband stand up for OUR childfree lifestyle?
He's just avoiding the inevitable. My husband will not tell his mother how he really feels about a lot of the things she says. He feels that she won't be around forever, so why upset her. He really is NOT anything like that with me! I know his every opinion. I think it's just a mom and son thing. As far as how you should feel, no one can tell you how to feel, all you can do is react appropriately to those feelings. If you've already told him to say something to his mom, and he won't, then don't worry about it. If they say something to you about it, tell them that both of you discussed it before you got married, and you both agreed. Emphasize BOTH so they'll get the hint. Otherwise, just let them wish and hope. Those are their feelings and they can't help them either.Why won't my husband stand up for OUR childfree lifestyle?
Perhaps he doesn't say anything more than ';We aren't going to have kids.'; because he doesn't feel any need to justify his position to his parents or any one else? That ';that is it, end of discussion';?
parents always want grandkids to spoil. you could always tell them yourself that you aren't having any kids if it really bugged you. and he tells them that you aren't having kids so i don't see what the problem is.
i think you are blowing this out of proportion. it doesn't seem to me that they are attacking you or him.





they are just being parents.





he says, you two don't plan on having kids.





what else do you want, lady?
As a 43-year old man with two teen boys who are almost off to college, I can sympathize just a teeny bit with their disappointment. Children are amazing things - they make me feel immortal, as if some of my hard work and way of looking at life will endure through them.





But, you absolutely have a 100% right to your own point of view. This shouldn't be a point of debate at all. This is just a guess - but I think your husband might be having doubts. Men don't like to argue if they aren't solidly behind the argument - they'd rather just leave it alone. You might need to discuss this with him, to make sure he's on the same page still.
Stop making such a big deal out of this. He probably just doesn't want to get into a big old hassle about it. I know from experience that sometimes its best just to let family members think what they're gonna think. After all, it sounds like it's like it's HIM they're nagging, not YOU. Then, he's got YOU giving him a bad time about not wanting to argue about it. It's not like he's pressuring YOU to get pregnant, so don't worry about it.





It's not really up to you or him to change his family. After all, there are worse things they could be doing, and I think you are being overly sensitive.
You sound pretty sure about your mind regarding this. He probably says nothing to you because of that. I think he's probably thinking he made a mistake, especially if he never thought of giving up having children before you told him you didn't want any. Does he have nieces and nephews? Do his best old friends have children? He's probably feeling like he does want children but doesn't know how to tell you or if he should tell you at all. I don't think you should be annoyed, he has a mind and heart instead or rocks, if he changed his mind is not because he decided to go against you. I say you rather talk to him and forget about the parents because just as you feel they influence them, they feel you influence their son and be honest, you probably do. Find out your husband's mind, be sensitive to his needs and open to his right to change his mind. It might not be any easy for him, he probably thinks he could loose you over this issue...Good luck.
Your body. Your choice. Why don't YOU be the big girl here and just tell them YOURSELF? I guess I don't see the big monster-ish problem here.


If they don't know they are NEVER going to be grandparents by YOU, of course they're going to keep dropping hints. The next time they say something within earshot of you; take your poor husband off the friggin hook and just TELL THEM ALREADY -- end of story.





Whether or not they like you is another issue altogether, but THIS problem is one you can just be done with.
this issue has little to do with you and him or him and his parents. this issue is between YOU and his parents. the fact that you use the cat as an excuse to stay home when he visits (and it's just an excuse and a lousy one at that) tells the whole story. you are in conflict with their belief system and you haven't given up the battle. you want HIM to so all of the dirty work here while you hide at home, and on top of that you want to blame HIM for ';not standing up for you'; which you know is bunk.





you will have to deal with this yourself as it's YOUR problem and NOT his.
He probably just doesn't want to deal with the big scene that he knows they are going to start when they find out you had your tubes tied! Not that I can say I blame him, but they are going to find out sooner or later anyway! Might as well just get it over with.
Did you guys get married kind of young? That sounds like the issue. You can be okay with that kind of decision at one point and then change your mind. Maybe he wanted kids and thought he'd be able to change you or that y'all could adopt and this is his way of telling you?





I would just tell him how you feel.
I am child-free and had a vasectomy at the age of 21. I have discovered that keeping my mouth shut is the best thing when it comes to my child-free status. You should do the same unless you just plan want to be hated. He is avoiding a pointless confrontation that would likely end his relationship with them. Trust me I know all about this.





I was the one fixed in several of my relationships that were slit by pressure from my in-laws. Parents that want to be grandparents do not accept the child-free lifestyle.
in a Catholic family/marriage you are to have children. his parents are already disappointed enough knowing that he tells them - we aren't having children. that is like a slap in the face to them.


is he to spit in their face too? by telling the you've had your tubes tied, you are doing just that. since you aren't the one who has to face them -- your cats are obviously more important that family - don't worry about it. your husband is handling it quite well.





obviously he loves his parents very much and doesn't want to disappoint them even more. it's called respect.
There's no reason for you not to travel together because of cats, there are places you can leave them you know. I had a well trained, very beloved predigree g.s. dog and I have left him at appropriate kennels. Some vets have facilities for them. It seems to me infants do matter to your husband he's going all that way to be at the baptism.[infant baptism isn't even biblical but that's another story]


Sounds like he comes from a very family oriented background. He also may feel diferently as time goes by-he may feel in a few years he's missing out on things. I would travel with him if I were you--keeping you home because of cats is a flimsy, foolish excuse for him to go 'home' alone. Worse case scenerio-someday in the future-he gets a young girl pregnant. He'll say 'she doesn't mean a thing to me! I agreed WE wouldn't have kids but this was an 'accident'.' Sounds unlikely? but life happens.
ease up, he doesnt want to disappoint his parents, and then he is in conflict with not disappointing you. sounds like a man stuck in the middle. dont keep putting him there.


let them think whatever, and you two should enjoy your own lives.
Ironic but its disheartening to disappoint parents. Even though we do it mostly all the time. I think its better to just not say anything. They're not going to change their mind and thinking...and just to avoid an argument. Its not like he's not standing up for u. But the way his parents seem like...they seem pretty stubborn. Stubborn people can't be dealt with by talking back to them lol it'll end up into a brawl.





I know from my parents. If I say one thing to my mom that she don't wanna hear or listen. She'll fire back for hours with stupid stupid irritating voice...so just not saying anything and walking away is the best way. Haha. Yea thats my reason. Give him the benefit of the doubt.
Well he is telling them that you have decided not to have children, so I wouldn't say he isn't sticking up for you at all. He's probably just trying to avoid the aggravation of getting into an endless argument about it with his family. If it continues to bother you then just talk to him about it and see what his thoughts are on the subject.
Maybe he is just reluctant to tell his folks the truth because it will hurt and mystify them. Being Catholic, this may be a majjor blow to them and he just doesn't have the courage. I don't think it's really a matter of standing up for you it's deeply disappointing his parents . Of course this isn't fair to her, if grandchildren are not to be, he should tell them now or rather should have told them when you had your tubes tied. Thet could have taken her a lot easier then, now they also have his lies of ommission to contend with too.You need to talk to him, not about standing up for you, but the effect this is having on his parents and how much more unfair it becomes as time goes on. Does he tell his friends that you have had your tube ties, when they ask about when you'll have children. If so, maybe he finds it hard to talk about personal things. Whatever his reason he is being disrespectful to his parents. Both of you should go to a marriage counselor and get to the bottom of whatever is keeping him from telling them the truth. The news really needs to come from her, if you tell them they will blame you even more.

Why are parents so rude and judgemental towards the childfree?

Everytime, I ask why people wants and I don't want them, people always say I'll change my mind and all that. They always try to f**k with my mind, trying to discourage me from being childfree forever, which is why I'll more likely do.





I'm 19 moving to 20, I won't change my mind because I'm very uncomfortable around kids. For what these parents' criticisms, they've gained my strong hatred for them.





So, why are parents so rude and judgemental towards childfree people? Why do they always tell childfree people how to live their lives?





PS: I'd rather be single than put up with baby momma drama and the stress of kids. Most childfree people are single, right?Why are parents so rude and judgemental towards the childfree?
You don't have to explain anything to anyone, nor do you have to prove anything to anyone. I tell people that I don't want kids because I want to live life for myself.





To me that statement explains everything. I like being #1 in my life. I love my freedom. You can't put a price on freedom. It doesn't matter if you will change your mind because you're childfree right now. You might or you might not. Time will prove that one.





I'm 25. Childfree. Like another poster here said, she's religious about birth control, hehe, so am I. I've learned to ignore people, and live my happy go lucky life. If you want to win when you get into these heated arguments, try not to be rude, try not to get all angry and red faced.





Say your beliefs in a calm voice. They want to get you riled up, the way to win is to stay calm and keep a smile on your face. At least that is how I deal with rude customers at work. It works with other people as well.Why are parents so rude and judgemental towards the childfree?
your language skills are lacking. most people i know aren't rude and judgemental about much of anything, perhaps your attitude rubs people the wrong way! with your inability to even put your question in the right category, with your anger and your attitude, your 'strong hatred', your foul language, and your spelling, i would strongly suggest you don't have children - you should probably go get a vasectomy - soon - we don't need replicas of fools running around!
So young and rude, and yes its great to be childfree. Especially at 20 and untill you get school and your career started. But The only reason why other people may tell you that you may change your mind is because their is many people that do and many whom said i will never have children or get married!! So get over yourself and just have fun being 20 and stop worrying about what other people say!!
What the heck does this have to do with weddings?





Parents are stuck and they want you to be stuck too. Children are a lifetime committment and if you aren't prepared for that, you shouldn't have kids. You never know, you're only 20, you might change your mind, but don't let someone change it for you.
It probably goes both ways. Each group is rude to the other, who knows who started it? Not ALL people who have/want children tell those who don't how to live their lives. I want children more than anything yet I really don't care if someone doesn't want kids, it has nothing to do with my life.





P.S. ';payback'; is not a very mature concept.
They are probably rude because a part of them wants to be child-free again.





However, your post is very judgmental and rude too...





I know a few married people that are child-free and intend on staying that way...but we're in our mid-twenties so things may change.
I'm getting married and we plan to be child free.





I don't have a maternal bone in my body and my fiance doesn't want to bring kids into the messed up world we live in.
Wow dude - take your issues to the parenting section of Yahoo! Answers and leave the wedding section alone. Also, I'd suggest reading your Bible for some anger management therapy. Deal with your issues on your own.
Maybe they are rude because you are so angry. Who cares what others think? If you don't want kids then don't have them.





Also, why is this in weddings??
Everyone knows exactly what they want out of life by the time they鈥檙e 20 and never changes their minds.. *eye roll*
Maybe some people actually like kids.. *gasp* the world must be coming to an end!
Children suck.
Well, I think that maybe later in your life you will want kids. Right now I'm 20 as well and I don't want kids at all. In fact I'm so religious about my birth control, it's insane. Just because I don't EVER want to slip up.





I think your paternal instincts might kick in a little later in your life. Kids are a joy... but they're a lot of work too..





Don't poo poo parents, otherwise you wouldn't be here yourself :)
It may be because you are basically a child still. You're 19 and being thickheaded.





If you weren't afraid that you may change your mind then you wouldn't get so upset about what people say.





For the past 4.5 years I have heard it all because my husband and I have only one child and that is all we want. They constantly tell me that I will want more. I just ignore them and move the conversation on.





That's the difference between you and me - the level of maturity. I don't let it get to me.





When I was 19 I, too, didn't want any baby momma drama or the stress of kids. I was too young to be interested in anything that held too much responsibility. Then I grew up and 7 years later I popped out a kid, which has been drama free.
I know lots of childfree married people...I'm one of them! So are my sister and 4 out of my 6 brothers! We figure with 8 of us, we all got so sick of each other we just wanted some peace and quiet the rest of our lives! Parents tell their kids how to live their lives in all sorts of ways...they think it's their right and their duty. So you can either ignore them or come up with a pat line like ';I'm not interested in being a mom, I'll leave that to the women who really feel a need for children.'; Repeat as necessary and eventually they'll shut up.
Most of the people I know who have kids didn't plan them, and so I think there is still a part of people that wish the responsibilities weren't there, a feeling of missing out on not having to answer to anyone, or take care of anyone.





The older I get the more I want to have kids, but am not in the right place in my life, but I spent a good deal of time thinking I may never have them.





I suspect that most parents are rude to you because they see you as insulting their way of life, and their families, which they love very much. When you go against what society sees as the ';right thing to do';, you are often labeled and ostracized.





My advice would be to keep your opinions to yourself, and refuse comment when confronted.
I have been where you are.





To give you some background, I'm 41, female, and childfree (and married--so there are married CF people too!).





In my twenties I went through a little bit of a militant phase, a lot of childfree people do, where you let people know your stand on (not) having kids. When I was 20 I got the ';when you grow up and become more mature, you'll change your mind'; bingo too...and when I was 30...and 35...and now I get ';it's not too late!'; But I'm female, and to be female and say you don't want kids is a much bigger blasphemy than when a man says it. :-) Remember, society sees having kids as a responsible and mature thing to do. You probably see the news, so you can judge for yourself whether all parents are ';responsible'; and ';mature';. Also, a lot of people follow that life script to the letter without putting any thought into what they want out of life: got my degree--check. Got a decent job? Check. Spouse? Yep. Guess it's time to have kids!





So when you put it out there like that (indeed, even if you are just unapologetic about your decision), yeah, parents are going to be aggressive back because they feel like they, and their choices, are being personally attacked. And to a certain extent, maybe they are. Not that that's all bad, it's good to broaden peoples' horizons and let them know there are other ways of living one's life.





Eventually your CFness becomes part of who you are and you mellow out. You'll learn how to deal with the stupid narrow-minded comments (the ';bingos';), but sometimes people will ask you questions out of genuine curiosity, and that's where you can advance (y)our cause.





So live your life, pursue your dreams, and be happy. Remember--living well is the best revenge!
Why are you letting them get to you???





My grandmother's been bugging me about getting married since I was 20... I'm almost 35 and she still asks me almost everytime I talk to her on the phone. Everytime I'd answer.. ';I don't know';. Or ';first I have to have a victim I mean boyfriend grandma';, and I'd laugh. Until very recently I didnt have someone I really thought I could marry and be with forever. And I wasn't going to rush into anything just to satisfy my grandmother's need for me to be married. It wasnt until recently I started telling her... soon... because I actually DID find someone I want to marry! All that time though I never got pissed at her, lost my temper or anything. I just answered her... it was no big deal. And trust me, she's pushy!





You have to understand.. parents or grandparents hope that we experience all the wonderful happy things that THEY enjoyed too. Maybe your parents were very happy to have kids (as ungrateful as some of them may have turned out), and they don't want you to miss out on that. My grandmother wanted me to be married so I could experience the ';joy'; of being married. I can't hate her for that no matter how much she bugged me about it...





You shouldn't hate your parents for wanting you to be happy even if it's by their standards. If you think it'll make them leave you alone, next time tell them ';you'll see';. A very vague and ambigious answer.. because it doesnt say whether or not you're having kids. They'll assume you changed your mind and mean yes... when you really mean ';no you'll see that I'll never have kids';.





Bottom line... just live your life the way you want to... childfree. And don't let them get to you. If you let something THIS simple get to you, I can only imagine what's in store for you in the future. Good luck!

Does race really have anything to do with being childfree?

I'm black and childfree by choice. A while ago, a family member told me that if I don't have kids, the black race will decrease. What the hell?? What does race have to do with being childfree?





Also as a black guy, I find white girls more attractive and if I were to have a intimate/long-term relationship with one, I never want kids in the relationship, just the two of us. No prejudice involved, but I'm not too crazy about kids. Now I know most women want kids, sadly.








Does race really have anything to do with being childfree and looking for a(n) intimate/long-term relationship with someone of another race but never have kids?Does race really have anything to do with being childfree?
Well I am a black women and in my opinion race has nothing to do with being '; child-free '; ( smh, lol )..I think it was foolish for your family to say something as dramatic as the race will cease if YOU don't have any children..There are plenty of blacks who are willing to have children. I don't see how finding white women attractive is even an issue. Why mention it. That is your personal choice and nobody cares. You are free to make you own decisions in life.Does race really have anything to do with being childfree?
well i don't know where you live but in the uk you are wayyy more likely to find a white woman who doesn't want kids as opposed to a black woman.





i can't imagine not having kids! but gd luck with that!
I don't have kids, yet. As for your attraction to white girls, I hope it is about love and not stereotypes.
That have nothing to do with race lots of different race don't want kids
No, one or two people aren't gonna make a difference. There's still plenty of people in all races who have kids.
Im a white woman and i dont want kids
No...my cousin is a white female and doesn't want kids...they're just not for her.
I like will smith....he raps happy....:)

Do you parents think it's fair that we childfree have to make up for your lack of working?

I post this on behalf of my husband, who is too polite (and Canadian) to say anything about it. Where he works, there is a big deadline looming in the next few months. Everyone has been working long hours to try to get the product out on time. So, I wasn't shocked when he said he had to work memorial day.





I was shocked; however, to find out he was one of the few people who had to come into work. Apparently, the people with ';families'; were conveniently not asked to come in. How uncool is that?! We ARE a family, a family of 2! And, maybe we would have liked to have spent that time together. Why are we getting punished because we have chosen to not have kids?! Do you all as parents really think this if fair treatment of the childfree?Do you parents think it's fair that we childfree have to make up for your lack of working?
I've been in this position before, and it is not fair. He needs to speak up about it. I worked at a company that tried to do ';mandatory overtime'; but all of the people with kids managed to get excused from it- and the rest of us complained, so they changed the policy. Mandatory holiday work should be on a rotating basis- everyone should have to suffer through it equally, kids or not.Do you parents think it's fair that we childfree have to make up for your lack of working?
Did you and your husband have plans for the holiday? Maybe they meant people with plans. I'm sure they did not mean to discriminate based on who had kids and who did not. Just have him speak to his supervisor about having the next holiday off, which would be fair.
Sounds like you should be taking your anger and bitterness out on your husband's company, not those of us who are blessed with children. I've never worked for companies with that policy and neither has my husband.Pretty ignorant to make such a blanket statement huh?
Contact the labor board in your state regarding not being paid for a company approved day off. i.e. he got paid for the holiday, but he did not get paid additionally for actually working that day.
Of course it's not fair, but don't blame parents...blame your husband's employer! I hope he will get compensated for his overtime!
take it up with the management, there is nothing we can do. yeah it sucks....sorry, everyone shouldve just gotten off then.
I agree that it isn't fair. Everyone should share the workload equally.
He needs to speak up about it.NOW. dont wait a second, not a minute, not a day
Well, I think you are completely biased here. My husband and I both often work weekends and holidays and have two children and one on the way. We are both salary (he's US military) and I even have a home office, so for us there is no set time off. If I have work to do I'll be downstairs in my office at 2 in the morning. So to answer the question, the boat rocks both ways.





BTW* I'm assuming he's Canadian and working in the States, because last time I checked I don't think Canadians get Memorial Day. I believe you just had Victoria day and then have Rememberence day in November...
i know the feeling. my fiance is a tattoo artist, and he rarely gets off work, for anything. christmas and thanksgiving is about it, and it sucks. we are a family too, but, his boss doesnt seem to care. as all the other tattoo shops were closed monday, they were working all day, and not one single costomer came in. in my case, it wouldnt do any good to talk to his boss, b/c his boss is a jerk, but, maybe if you two took it up with his boss, maybe it would work. if not, then i say go higher up in the chain of command. and it is unfair for you two. everyone deserves to be together on holidays

pimple

Why don't a majority of people understand childfree people?

Now I've asked about this topic in the past about me not wanting kids and why girls do want them. And I've gotten a lot of nonsense from people (mostly parents or wannabes) telling I'm too young (19) and I'll change my mind.





Has it ever occured to them that some childfree guys don't like/hate children at all, they're very uncomfortable around kids, childfree people had a rough childhood, and kids aren't for them? Have people ever thought that?





So why don't a majority of people, mostly parents or wannabes, understand childfree people? Can't they understand the reasons I've noted above?





PS: I do wish more people would understand that, and girls in my group too.Why don't a majority of people understand childfree people?
Because they think it's a ';requirement'; of marriage. When in fact it is not. There is more to being married than just adding kids to it. 2 People CAN Be a family. We are living proof of that, and have been married 12 HAPPY Years.Why don't a majority of people understand childfree people?
When I was 19 I felt the same way. I even thought babies were ugly in all honesty. I'm still only 23 right now and I've changed my mind and I'm one of those who will coo at infants haha.


My older sister is 39 and married, but still doesn't want kids. I totally understand that; having kids is a big undertaking, theyre not friggin pet rocks or something.


So for you to say you don't want to take on the huge responsibility of taking care of another human being - I can relate and I understand
Many people desire to live on in someway. The closest thing for most is the passing on of DNA. Those who live on through their work alone go against this grain. They do not have a way to make their work their lasting effect on Earth so they cannot understand childfree people.
I've never want to have kids either. But when i got married, we just decided to have. I do respect your choice tho. I dont think people who dont want to have kids should have kids anyway ..no matter whats the reason behide it.

Why do some parents always try to convince childfree people that they're missing out on something?

More than once have I seen some answerers say things like:





1. Childfree women have ';bought into the lie'; that career is better than family. This implies that we didn't arrive at this conclusion ourselves.


2. Childfree women will regret never hearing someone say to them, ';I love you, Mommy.'; This implies that we didn't already know that!


3. Childfree women will die alone with nothing to do. So what?





I say women because, according to recent observations, they're more likely to be attacked for not wanting kids than their male counterparts.





I'm sure these people mean well, but what are they trying to accomplish by saying these things to people who have already made up their minds? Don't childfree people deserve as much support for their choices as parents do?Why do some parents always try to convince childfree people that they're missing out on something?
Maybe because, as parents ourselves, we know what it's like to have kids, and we like it so much that we feel like they're missing out on something awesome by not having kids? I can't speak for others, but that's how I feel about it.





It isn't that I think you don't know this stuff or have been brainwashed into the choice....I'm just talking. I don't know what I'm trying to accomplish beyond sharing the ';other side';. : ) And you do have my support - trust me, I am hugely in favour of people not having kids if they know they don't want them! That's a very responsible thing to do. Too many people have kids and don't care for them. I'd much rather see someone stay childfree than have kids they didn't want.





';And don't they realize that someone who doesn't want to be a parent, doesn't deserve to be a parent?';





No. It isn't a matter of deserve versus not deserve. Lots of parents technically don't deserve it - you know, the ones who abuse and neglect their kids, even though they wanted to be parents. It's more a matter of should and shouldn't. If you don't want kids, you shouldn't have any, for their sake as well as yours.Why do some parents always try to convince childfree people that they're missing out on something?
The reproductive instinct is a strong one, but obviously effects different people to varying degrees. People who find the instinct irresistable have a hard time wrapping their heads around people who reject, or just don't feel it.





Regardless, parenthood is NOT for everyone, anyone who doesn't want to have kids shouldn't. It's the people who don't want to (or shouldn't) have kids, but have them anyway, who are far more disconcerting...
'And don't they realize that someone who doesn't want to be a parent, doesn't deserve to be a parent?' - I would agree, but I would change it to 'someone who doesn't want to be a parent, has the highest possibilities of not being a good parent'. That's unfair to the kids and the society.





However, I don't see parents trying to 'convince' childfree people what they're missing, at least on GWS.





Next !
As a man who has said my whole life that I do not want kids and have been attacked innumerable times for it, the phrase ';You just hate children'; has been said to me many times.





I think it is a defense mechanism, the attackers can not comprehend that they made have made a mistake and being a parent is not what they were led to believe it would be.





Misery loves company.
Yes they fail to mention that there are people in the world that genuinely regret the decision to become a parent. That is one regret I would hate to experince, and how sad for the child!





Saying you've bought into a lie is to say that you are too stupid to think for yourself. I prefer to give women more credit than that.
They really do romanticize parenthood.





I've had children and had a time as an adult being child-free, and I'm back to being 'child free' as my sons are adults.





The child that says 'I love you mommy' will often say 'I hate you mommy' as well. Theirs just haven't reached that stage. Toddlers are cuddly, preteens not so much...... Even people with children die alone. Your job as a parent is too give your children the skills to be able to live life without you.
I COMPLETELY AGREE with Martillo. If you decide not to have children than deal with the majority of people NOT understanding. Thats just how it goes. I feel that people who get so worked up about ';breeders'; asking them questions are people that feel that they are possibly missing out on not having children. Otherwise they would feel secure with their own decision and not care about what other people think. Just my opinion!
To be frank this is only offensive to those women who have a secret regret or fear of regret about being childless. If a woman is genuinely happy being childless she won't care what people say.
I think it's just because they really really love their kids. It's the greatest love that exists. Some people however are incapeable of that love or just not made to be parents. Be true to yourself.
I doubt most people in reality try to ';convince'; people to have children, but technically, 'childfree' people are missing out on having children. That's...common sense...
They are only looking at the world through their perspective. If they took the time to try to view things your way, they might understand better and respect your decision.
I am way happier with woman admitting they dont want kids and sticking to it than woman having kids that they never really wanted and then doing a shitty job raising them.
its the same as everything else (you don't think like them) there for your wrong!


very selfish


don't let it get to you!


:)
Because they're being honest.





However, those that do not wish to become parents should indeed not have children. Lousy.
Because they are trying to convince themselves that they have done the right thing.
People with children have been without - and they know the difference.
I hate kids and women.
You are missing out. But you would never hear me say that.
so they do not have to suffer alone
I am childless by choice and generally, I have found that the people who make such comments fall into one of two categories:





1. The ';Sweet Grandmotherly'; Type


This person genuinely means well, but is so closed-minded that she can't understand that other people might not want the same things out of life as her. She has children, often who are now grown; and raising her children was the greatest joy of her life. She tries to convince younger women to have children because she doesn't want them to be deprived of the same joy. However, she fails to realize that what brought her joy may not necessarily be a good decision or fit for other people.





2. The ';Misery Loves Company'; type


This woman most likely didn't think carefully of all the changes that would come when having a baby. She may have rushed into having a baby too soon, and now regrets it. However, she doesn't want to admit that she regrets having a baby because then people would think that she doesn't love her children. So instead, she deals with her frustration by attacking the childfree and telling them they ought to change their minds. She feels that it's ';unfair'; that she has to change diapers, wake up at 3am to feed her baby, spend money on clothes, toys, day care, and someday college, and clean up after her kids when her childfree friends do not. She usually has the attitude that the childfree are lazy, irresponsible, and selfish for not wanting children. However, she fails to realize that it's even more selfish to have a baby when you know you won't be a responsible parent. Every child deserves to have parents who geniunely wanted them; not parents who had them ';because that's what married people are supposed to do.';
There is not guarantee the child will ever love the parent. There is no guarantee the child will be there in the parents end of life stages.





I'll offer another POV. Maybe it isn't so much about parents wanting those who are childfree to experience all that is wonderful about kids. It could be more like they are working so hard at it with no free time to themselves, they are a little jealous at the extra free time/money a childfree person has. Much like the envoy of those without money have of those ';rich'; people. They would rather see the ';rich'; be poor like them. Misery loves company. Thumbs down if you agree!
I'm not one of those now. Originally yes i'll admit to having some of those thought processes. But i've come to realize that child-free is a good thing, because with overpopulation, we need more people such as yourselves. You justify me having three kids, because I wouldn't sacrifice my line (ya thats right my line) for humanity, call me selfish.





But one way you folks shoot yourselves in the foot is you realize that the majority of us ';breeders'; as you like to call us (which is an insult), were obviously child-free at one point, so we know where your at, because we were there. But you guys try to comment on our situation and it comes off as purely ignorant and even childish. Being pooped on or puked on, I mean come on. You folks do sound pretty foolish when you say that. But know this, you guys chose the easy road, we've got the harder road, so it's easy for us to get on our soapbox. Are we better than you, of course not, but we do know more, as we've been on both sides of the fence. So it's best if you guys just not comment on our situation, because you have no idea whatsoever.


No offense, I'm just being honest





Rio-don't get all jacked up, you're actually the only one who's opinion on it I actually respect because you don't attack, but you asked a question and I gave you an honest answer. If you can't handle the answer dont ask alright.
I'll never know.





Just in the past few days a guy I'm recently friends with who I just talked to about not having kids (after him *asking* me if I don't have any because me and my boyfriend ';can't'; medically ';or what'; haha) told me why everyone *should* have kids.





Stuff you mentioned and more. He also said, ';They raise themselves after the first couple years, pretty much.';





I was like, ';Even at that, a few years is too much for me...pretty sure it's more like 20 years though'; o_O
I think that if a person doesn't want to be a parent or doesn't have what it takes to be a good parent such as a weak personality, immaturity, not enough finance (yes, money matters!), no committed spouse, etc.., then it would be a crime bringing a child into the world. People have this weird idea about life being incomplete without kids. Their first thoughts would be ';you'll die all lonely'; or ';what will ppl say!'; or even ';she's gonna leave a meaningless life';. People who say that are simply idiotic! I mean you're the one living your life, therefore, you should live it the way you want to without being tied up to what society think or what some idiotic people say. If a person wants to have kids and has what it takes to be a good parent and is able to give love then that's great. If he doesn't want to that's great too. There are maaaany things in life other than starting a family out that are waiting for you.