Why do some parents always try to convince childfree people that they're missing out on something?

More than once have I seen some answerers say things like:





1. Childfree women have ';bought into the lie'; that career is better than family. This implies that we didn't arrive at this conclusion ourselves.


2. Childfree women will regret never hearing someone say to them, ';I love you, Mommy.'; This implies that we didn't already know that!


3. Childfree women will die alone with nothing to do. So what?





I say women because, according to recent observations, they're more likely to be attacked for not wanting kids than their male counterparts.





I'm sure these people mean well, but what are they trying to accomplish by saying these things to people who have already made up their minds? Don't childfree people deserve as much support for their choices as parents do?Why do some parents always try to convince childfree people that they're missing out on something?
Maybe because, as parents ourselves, we know what it's like to have kids, and we like it so much that we feel like they're missing out on something awesome by not having kids? I can't speak for others, but that's how I feel about it.





It isn't that I think you don't know this stuff or have been brainwashed into the choice....I'm just talking. I don't know what I'm trying to accomplish beyond sharing the ';other side';. : ) And you do have my support - trust me, I am hugely in favour of people not having kids if they know they don't want them! That's a very responsible thing to do. Too many people have kids and don't care for them. I'd much rather see someone stay childfree than have kids they didn't want.





';And don't they realize that someone who doesn't want to be a parent, doesn't deserve to be a parent?';





No. It isn't a matter of deserve versus not deserve. Lots of parents technically don't deserve it - you know, the ones who abuse and neglect their kids, even though they wanted to be parents. It's more a matter of should and shouldn't. If you don't want kids, you shouldn't have any, for their sake as well as yours.Why do some parents always try to convince childfree people that they're missing out on something?
The reproductive instinct is a strong one, but obviously effects different people to varying degrees. People who find the instinct irresistable have a hard time wrapping their heads around people who reject, or just don't feel it.





Regardless, parenthood is NOT for everyone, anyone who doesn't want to have kids shouldn't. It's the people who don't want to (or shouldn't) have kids, but have them anyway, who are far more disconcerting...
'And don't they realize that someone who doesn't want to be a parent, doesn't deserve to be a parent?' - I would agree, but I would change it to 'someone who doesn't want to be a parent, has the highest possibilities of not being a good parent'. That's unfair to the kids and the society.





However, I don't see parents trying to 'convince' childfree people what they're missing, at least on GWS.





Next !
As a man who has said my whole life that I do not want kids and have been attacked innumerable times for it, the phrase ';You just hate children'; has been said to me many times.





I think it is a defense mechanism, the attackers can not comprehend that they made have made a mistake and being a parent is not what they were led to believe it would be.





Misery loves company.
Yes they fail to mention that there are people in the world that genuinely regret the decision to become a parent. That is one regret I would hate to experince, and how sad for the child!





Saying you've bought into a lie is to say that you are too stupid to think for yourself. I prefer to give women more credit than that.
They really do romanticize parenthood.





I've had children and had a time as an adult being child-free, and I'm back to being 'child free' as my sons are adults.





The child that says 'I love you mommy' will often say 'I hate you mommy' as well. Theirs just haven't reached that stage. Toddlers are cuddly, preteens not so much...... Even people with children die alone. Your job as a parent is too give your children the skills to be able to live life without you.
I COMPLETELY AGREE with Martillo. If you decide not to have children than deal with the majority of people NOT understanding. Thats just how it goes. I feel that people who get so worked up about ';breeders'; asking them questions are people that feel that they are possibly missing out on not having children. Otherwise they would feel secure with their own decision and not care about what other people think. Just my opinion!
To be frank this is only offensive to those women who have a secret regret or fear of regret about being childless. If a woman is genuinely happy being childless she won't care what people say.
I think it's just because they really really love their kids. It's the greatest love that exists. Some people however are incapeable of that love or just not made to be parents. Be true to yourself.
I doubt most people in reality try to ';convince'; people to have children, but technically, 'childfree' people are missing out on having children. That's...common sense...
They are only looking at the world through their perspective. If they took the time to try to view things your way, they might understand better and respect your decision.
I am way happier with woman admitting they dont want kids and sticking to it than woman having kids that they never really wanted and then doing a shitty job raising them.
its the same as everything else (you don't think like them) there for your wrong!


very selfish


don't let it get to you!


:)
Because they're being honest.





However, those that do not wish to become parents should indeed not have children. Lousy.
Because they are trying to convince themselves that they have done the right thing.
People with children have been without - and they know the difference.
I hate kids and women.
You are missing out. But you would never hear me say that.
so they do not have to suffer alone
I am childless by choice and generally, I have found that the people who make such comments fall into one of two categories:





1. The ';Sweet Grandmotherly'; Type


This person genuinely means well, but is so closed-minded that she can't understand that other people might not want the same things out of life as her. She has children, often who are now grown; and raising her children was the greatest joy of her life. She tries to convince younger women to have children because she doesn't want them to be deprived of the same joy. However, she fails to realize that what brought her joy may not necessarily be a good decision or fit for other people.





2. The ';Misery Loves Company'; type


This woman most likely didn't think carefully of all the changes that would come when having a baby. She may have rushed into having a baby too soon, and now regrets it. However, she doesn't want to admit that she regrets having a baby because then people would think that she doesn't love her children. So instead, she deals with her frustration by attacking the childfree and telling them they ought to change their minds. She feels that it's ';unfair'; that she has to change diapers, wake up at 3am to feed her baby, spend money on clothes, toys, day care, and someday college, and clean up after her kids when her childfree friends do not. She usually has the attitude that the childfree are lazy, irresponsible, and selfish for not wanting children. However, she fails to realize that it's even more selfish to have a baby when you know you won't be a responsible parent. Every child deserves to have parents who geniunely wanted them; not parents who had them ';because that's what married people are supposed to do.';
There is not guarantee the child will ever love the parent. There is no guarantee the child will be there in the parents end of life stages.





I'll offer another POV. Maybe it isn't so much about parents wanting those who are childfree to experience all that is wonderful about kids. It could be more like they are working so hard at it with no free time to themselves, they are a little jealous at the extra free time/money a childfree person has. Much like the envoy of those without money have of those ';rich'; people. They would rather see the ';rich'; be poor like them. Misery loves company. Thumbs down if you agree!
I'm not one of those now. Originally yes i'll admit to having some of those thought processes. But i've come to realize that child-free is a good thing, because with overpopulation, we need more people such as yourselves. You justify me having three kids, because I wouldn't sacrifice my line (ya thats right my line) for humanity, call me selfish.





But one way you folks shoot yourselves in the foot is you realize that the majority of us ';breeders'; as you like to call us (which is an insult), were obviously child-free at one point, so we know where your at, because we were there. But you guys try to comment on our situation and it comes off as purely ignorant and even childish. Being pooped on or puked on, I mean come on. You folks do sound pretty foolish when you say that. But know this, you guys chose the easy road, we've got the harder road, so it's easy for us to get on our soapbox. Are we better than you, of course not, but we do know more, as we've been on both sides of the fence. So it's best if you guys just not comment on our situation, because you have no idea whatsoever.


No offense, I'm just being honest





Rio-don't get all jacked up, you're actually the only one who's opinion on it I actually respect because you don't attack, but you asked a question and I gave you an honest answer. If you can't handle the answer dont ask alright.
I'll never know.





Just in the past few days a guy I'm recently friends with who I just talked to about not having kids (after him *asking* me if I don't have any because me and my boyfriend ';can't'; medically ';or what'; haha) told me why everyone *should* have kids.





Stuff you mentioned and more. He also said, ';They raise themselves after the first couple years, pretty much.';





I was like, ';Even at that, a few years is too much for me...pretty sure it's more like 20 years though'; o_O
I think that if a person doesn't want to be a parent or doesn't have what it takes to be a good parent such as a weak personality, immaturity, not enough finance (yes, money matters!), no committed spouse, etc.., then it would be a crime bringing a child into the world. People have this weird idea about life being incomplete without kids. Their first thoughts would be ';you'll die all lonely'; or ';what will ppl say!'; or even ';she's gonna leave a meaningless life';. People who say that are simply idiotic! I mean you're the one living your life, therefore, you should live it the way you want to without being tied up to what society think or what some idiotic people say. If a person wants to have kids and has what it takes to be a good parent and is able to give love then that's great. If he doesn't want to that's great too. There are maaaany things in life other than starting a family out that are waiting for you.