Thursday, January 21, 2010

Moms vs childfree women?

I am in my late 20's and I feel that I am still too young to have kids.My friend become this ';super'; mom and I'm sad because I lost my friend. Its annoying talking to her when she is yelling at her kids at the same time. Motherhood is a boring subjet to me and that is all she talks about. How do moms feel about losing their friends to mother hood?


I have other friends that don't have kids and they are so much better than talking to one tracked minded moms. What do you think?








I`ve asked this before and I want to get more responces because I thought it was a great question and I had some good feed backMoms vs childfree women?
Once you become a parent, being a parent and your child become the center of your life. Its really not that surprising that most new moms soon loose touch with their non-parent friends. It sucks, but life is like that and always will be. Most people have 1 or 2 people they remain friends with their entire life, several people they talk to once every few years just to check in, and the rest come and go.Moms vs childfree women?
I am 23 years old and a single mom. I know that sometimes I fit that description of your friend but there are times when I need to be just me too. Offer to get her a babysitter so that she can go out with her friends and have a good time. Tell her you love that she is such a committed mother but tonight is about having a good time with friends. She will love you for the effort and she probably needs the break..children take a lot out of you, it is a full time job with very little reward in the beginning.
Have you ever thought about how much time her children require from her? She may not even be doing anything on purpose. Have you tried setting up a time that's convenient for the both of you to hang out and talk?





To truly focus on a phone call (or anything else, for that matter), mom's need a time when they don't have a child clinging to them, getting into things, screaming for them, etc. You have no idea how little ';me'; time moms get.





I think you're a selfish friend. You said ';I have other friends that don't have kids and they are so much better than talking to one tracked minded moms.'; If that's how you feel, then stop bugging your ';mom friends';. The last thing they need is another needy person.





If you want to be her friend, then be understanding that she can't always drop everything for you.
Well my friends always knew how bad I wanted kids and even in highschool I would talk about atleast my nieces and nephews so they were pretty use to it but when i had my boys they did miss having some time with me but then when my youngest was born they suddenly wanted a baby too so that made it easier because then they wanted to be around my kids for practice. When you become a mom sometimes you just get lost in the thought of your kids or just need to vent about things. As kids get older you stop talking as much about them unless they do something big. My poor friend Kristy though she wants a baby but she is having issues right now so I feel bad talking about the boys with her so we always find other subjects unless she brings up the baby topic.
I hear this kind of thing over and over from the childfree people I know ( I am childfree). Their friends have kids, and suddenly that's all they're interested in and all they want to talk about. Yes, your children should be an important part of your life, but why not keep some of the interests you had before? I know many parents who can still carry on conversations about a wide range of subjects, and enjoy doing things without their kids on occasion.


I have cats who I adore, but if I know someone's not a cat person I don't go on and on about my cats whenever I see them, because I know they don't care. I find common ground to talk about.
Honestly, as a married mom of two, sometimes I get bored listening to my single childless friends go on and on about some guy they picked up at a bar or whatever concert they went to. I don't think it's interesting to talk about the ';new hip styles'; or whatever celebrity gossip they're fascinated by. I'd MUCH rather talk about what my kids are doing, or a new teaching method I'm trying, the nice romantic dinner I had with my husband last week, the economy and how it effects my family....





The thing is though that good friends share their lives with each other. As a mom my life is a family. My friends who don't have families of their own have a different kind of lifestyle. While I'm not interested in everything they do and they're not interested in everything I do we still talk about it together because that's what being a friend means.





We also make sure to talk about ';common ground'; type things-politics, music, travel, movies, etc. It's a give and take-they listen to me talk about the kids, I listen to them talk about their new boyfriend, and then we talk about something that actually interests both of us. It's definitely a lot more work to have a mom and non-mom friendship but if you really enjoy someone it's worth it.
when i was growing up my mom had a friend that would just be yelling at her kids all the time you would pick up the phone and know who it was from that and you did need to see who it was and just hand it to my mom and she would listen for a little bit and not say any thing and hang up. But i have a friend that had a baby but lost it that i still talk to she is more of a friend to me then any one that i have been around she listen to you. i just have a one year old and we talk about any thing like what we are going to do next time we see each other. I dont talk to friends that have kids cause i dont just want to hear them having to yell at then to stop to talk to stop hit the other child.
If you'd rather not talk to her because she has to deal with her children, sounds like she's better off without you. Being a mom might be all she talks about because that's the main part of her life... what do you talk about? work? what you do in your spare time? Seems like if you were truly her friend, you would enjoy spending time with and talking to her regardless of the topic...
I feel you.


I was the last of my friends, to have children. There was one or two who continually talked about their children. I found it really frustrating. I don't speak to either now, we just drifted apart, stopped calling each other.


I am now a mother to 5, but I am still a woman. I do talk about my kids, but there is more to my life than my children.


I could not make interesting conversation about my kids for too long, and I have 5 of them.





Even now I couldn't be friends with someone who continually talked about their kids. How boring.


I still have many friends, I am not interested in those who don't stimulate my mind.


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I was on the flip-side of this coin six years ago when I was the first of my friends to become a mommy. It's hard... for both sides involved. Moms get overwhelmed with the whole kid-thing and I think we sometimes forget who we're talking to. LOL When my childless brother calls me and I need to deal with the kids, he just says ';hey, call me back when you can talk'; and when I get a moment away from my daughters, I call him back. It's no big deal and most moms will understand. Maybe try talking to this friend... or just cut ties for awhile with her. Her kids are her life now. I know it has to be hard on you to be losing your friend, but it almost sounds like you are trying to make her choose - either you (and her single life) or her kids and family. Any mom would choose her kids hands-down.





Also - she may feel like she doesn't have much to say to you anymore. She'll find more mommy-friends and you'll find more childless friends and things will be fine.
If you lost a friend because you became a mother it means she was never really your friend. Friendship to me is to respect the other person's choice. If she chooses to have a baby , this shouldn't come between the two of you if you have a real, true friendship


Try not to be selfish. If she spends more time with her children is because they are helpless without her. This doesn't mean she loves you less , just that she has more responsibilities and less time for herself. If you are a true friend you should stay by her side , when she goes to the park with the kid, go with them,have some fun, be happy for her
Hello. I became a mom when I was 17, still in high school with a bunch of friends. Everything was fine until I had the baby. I guess it was what they call my maternal instincts that kicked in. Suddenly everything in my life was different and I had to live differently. You go from being wild and free to having a ton of responsibilities. Instead of going out on Fridays I was stuck at home with a baby. A new mom's whole world is her baby and she in general loves every minute of it. It's something you can't understand until you become a mother yourself.





So not long after I had the baby, I had fewer and fewer friends left. I knew it would happen. We have different interests now. I'm not available to hang out. I can tell that the things I like to talk about don't interest them. Just like you said. It's hard sometimes for mothers. Sadly for me, I lost most of my friends. They didn't want to hang out with someone with a crying baby.





Good news for moms, they can always talk to other moms out there. It takes one to really know one. Other moms WANT to know about your children and family life. It's good that they can connect in this way.





I have made many new friends since I have become a mom. Most of which are moms themselves. I can definitely understand your question and why you would ask.





Just remember that if your friend becomes a mother, she still needs a friend. Stay in touch with her. Visit her every now and then. You, too, may be a mother one day.

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