Why do you make out a childfree life to be a meaningless, selfish, lonely one?

I saw the question about the pros and cons of having a child, and I must say I'm shocked. Everyone makes it out as though the only worthwhile thing you can do in life is have a kid! Things like, ';unconditional love, self worth, tax deductions...'; And, the scariest one, ';make [it] somebody you want [it] to be.';





Then, you mention loss of free time, sleep, and money as the cons, and of course no one to visit you when you are older. You make it sound like us childfree people spend our days on yachts sleeping all day!





Do you really believe that you can't lead a worthwhile life unless you procreate? My husband and I are happily childfree, and we feel very fulfilled. Not having children allows us the freedom and opportunity to help our friends, family, and community more than if we had kids. Besides my career, I also volunteer at a no kill animal shelter. I feel very full-filled in every way. Are your children really your sole source of fulfillment?Why do you make out a childfree life to be a meaningless, selfish, lonely one?
I believe I answered that question as well about my fiance calls herself as a childfree person because she never wanted kids.





I'm a father (widower) of two girls. Their mother died in January of 2001 from cancer and at that time my little one was 7 and my other girl was almost 11.





As I was dating my now fiance she asked me why I had kids and I gave her this stare like ';deer on a head light'; and said, ';I don't know, that's what you do';.





She looked at me and laughed so hard she almost fell off her chair.





I love my girls but if I can do it over again, I would have not had children.





I admire my fiance's spirit of freedom and stress free life.





Why do you make out a childfree life to be a meaningless, selfish, lonely one?
I don't think it is.


Some people who have kids really shouldn't because they end up being selfish and not taking care of the kid properly.


If you are not into kids and have no desire to have them, then I don't think you should.


There are way too many kids running around who's parents are like that already.


And I answered that question and don't remember making it sound the way you described.
I have no children and every time I go to someone's house where they do have kids I am always pleased to leave. They are not selfish so don't let them affect you. Most people have kids because all their friends have kids and it is the ';normal'; thing to do.





';And, the scariest one, ';make [it] somebody you want [it] to be.'; - SCARY!
My children are a part of my fulfillment. They bring joy into my life everyday. I cannot imagine life without them. I respect your decision not to have any children. I do believe that a life without children is going to be lonely for you when you get up in age. There is no one to take care of you when you cannot take care of yourself.
I don't think you are selfish or are living a meaningless life at all. I think you are realistic and true to your own feelings. Not everyone wants children and nobody else should try to make you feel bad or guilty for it. I wanted children and have 2 and I love them with my whole heart....but at times I questioned whether or not I did the right thing. Do what you feel is right for you - I bet working with the animals and giving them love has to be one of the best feelings in the world.
My children aren't my sole source of fulfillment, but they are great for making me feel the warm-fuzzies.





Imo, you can have kids or not, whatever you want to do. It's your decision and I would never take that away from you or look down on you for that.





My view is different, tho. In Genesis, God told Adam %26amp; Eve to ';go forth and multiply.'; I think that means kids.





Best wishes,


TX Mom



i am in complete agreement with you. everyone is not meant to be a parent, and if more people realized that there would be far fewer cases like caylee anthony and baby p in gb. i have a wonderful full life. i have no worries that i won't be cared for in my old age...my siblings did quite enough procreation to go around:) it is just a concept some are not able to grasp. don't worry, be happy!
I am the mother of Five Children For boys and a Girl. Mise Eire!





I do not think that anybody needs children if they do not want them.





Fulfilment comes in different forms for different people and it is up to the individual to decide what is best for themselves.





Being a parent is hard.
Nothing wrong with not having children. It is OK ! friends will nag you about it, but you need to set them straight. My children are our enjoyment, I have a 4 month grandson that lives 400+ miles away, but not our sole source. Well, maybe my wife's. It does make for quiet holidays when you do not have children
A person who does not want children should not become pregnant. There are people who love having children and there are people who do not. I have 3 children and 7 grandchildren. I can't imagine life without them because I love them. However, I am sure it would have been much easier.
Can't imagine why someone would make this claim.


We don't have kids.


Many of our friends don't have kids.





All of us participate in the community. All of us are actively involved with others' lives, including interacting with family members' children.
What fulfills one person may not another. Some feel fulfilled when they volunteer their life...others feel their life calling is to parent. Whatever you feel called to do in life then do it...be happy...and be fulfilled. It's whatever you choose your destiny to be.
I never want kids, I'm career orientated, and don't want to bring a child into what is a very unhappy and unjust world, I don't find that at all selfish, but a lot of people do.


Thankyou for volunteering at that no-kill shelter, we need more humans like you!


x
to answer your last question, to some people it is, just like like you, for some people it isn't.


everyone is different. you're being just as bad by judging people who want/love to have kids.


there is no winning answer here.
for me yes....maybe it is just humand nature..to procreate and nurture...IDK. Honestly I do sometimes think people who don't have children are selfish. I guess some people are content with other things...just a little hard for me personally to understand.
I cannot have children and I find my life to be awesome. It's wrong to say life is nothing with or without children. We all cannot concieve, so make your life great and be happy with what you do.....
Not at all. I've done many fulfilling things with my life. (School, Travel and just have a good time) My children are a very special gift! One gift that I hope will love life just as i do.
My children are by no means my sole source of fulfillment, but they're a major part of it.





The choice is yours. You don't need to justify it to anyone.
You need to do what is right for you and not worry about what other people think.
Most people find fulfillment in having children. It's as simple as that. It doesn't mean that you *can't* be fulfilled when you're child-free, it just means that most people find having children to be a meaning-giving experience. Ask any parent (and I have asked many people), and they will tell you the same thing over and over again - that having kids is one of the most rewarding experiences of their lives, that it brought more meaning to their lives, blah blah. By saying it, they're not putting down your choices - but they are sharing their experiences and their revelations. Do they think that you're missing out by not having kids? Yes, probably. Should you take it personally and become defensive whenever someone states that having kids was the most meaningful experience of their lives? No. They have their life, you have yours. You just have to realize that people with children are in a majority, and people like you are in a very small minority - so you will often feel like a minority in this sense. Don't let it get under your skin - if this is your choice, this is just how it's going to be. When you are truly fulfilled, you're not going to get prickly and defensive just because other people made different choices.
I don't really care what other people do, that is their business.





But I have to say that long term, the people with children that I know are happier. Yes, it is a struggle, of course.





I have nothing against couples that have been together a long time and don't want children - their choice. One thing I do notice is the maturity level of childless couples is lower, as is the life experience level and ability to relate to a wide spectrum of life experiences. By maturity I do not mean that they live like children, don't pay their bills, say dumb things, etc...just their ability to problem solve and handle situations is not that of people who do have children.





I have been a person without children and been a person with children. I like myself and my life better after having children. Not because they are the only source of fulfillment, but because of how it has changed me as a person and helped me evolve.





Really, it is not possible to explain the difference between people w/ and people w/out children, because you are incapable of understanding what it is like to have children until you do. Before I had a child, I thought I 'got it' but I didn't and now realize that it is just something you must experience to understand.
I have known since I was young that I did not want children and never had them.





I have many friends and acquaintances who are also childless or as commonly known as child-free.





We are not selfish at all. How many women give birth only to dump their babies in dumpsters or kill them. How many women raise toddlers only to kill them. How man teens kill their parents.





How many parents divorce and their children are devastated and emotionally scared. Isn't splitting up a selfish action. What about the children.






I know exactly what you mean. I have known since I was 15 that I did not want children, and I never once thought ';well, maybe if..'; The answer is no. End of story.





Some people feel that having children is a ';duty';, or some regret that they had kids and are jealous of those that stuck to what they wanted (or didn't want) and never had them. So they choose to insult them to try to make themselves feel better.





The worst are the extremely ignorant that really think that only people that are ';barren'; do not have kids and they they just say they don't wnat kids instead of admitting to being barren. That is one of the most ignorant remarks I have ever heard on the subject. I am perfectly capable of having a child, I do not want to.






I'm 41 and very happily childless. I've known I didn't want to be a mom since at least when I was 16. I'm also into animals and I have a dog and a bird. I always felt maternal to animals, but never children! I am married for a second time to a man with two grown children, one of whom has two young kids, so I get the fun of playing with grandchildren, and the relief of sending them home after a few hours. My husband doesn't totally get the childfree thing, keeps saying ';You would have made a great mom';. I don't deny that, but I never wanted to!
The thing is, that when you have a child you find yourself loving in ways that you never had before and you can't picture your life without that love in it. That doesn't mean that you have a selfish, meaningless life. It means that those of us who have children couldn't ever imagine wanting to change lives with you. Perhaps that makes us the selfish ones, but somehow, without the children that we love and care for so much, life would seem empty and meaningless. It isn't an attack on your life. I don't think anybody means it to be one. But those are things you would have to write on a pros and cons list because they are what we honestly feel, having known love from our children. Anything else would be a lie.
I personally have two children and love being a mother. For me, there is no greater joy than my two girls. That being said, I also don't think everyone SHOULD have children. Not everyone is meant to be a parent. There are plenty of ways to have a very fulfilled life without having children and without being married.





I have a friend in her 30's who never wants to have kids. Her husband agrees. They are very active in their communities and have great careers. They also get to travel - a luxury I would love to have. She and her husband are just as happy as me and my husband. I really respect her for sticking with her decision not to have kids, and not giving in to the societal pressures that say she should have a baby.
the majority of people choose to have children, i suppose because it gives them a sort of project to work on, to carefully craft them into adults. personally for me, i would love to have children, just to experience being a parent and the ups and down of it, but i also think that having children is a personal decision between 2 people, and others should not pass judgment on other peoples opinions.


i think the reason why many people perceive childless couples to be lying around on yachts is partly because of the way the media shows them to be. in films, childless couples are always the rich ones, with huge houses and flashy cars.


another reason is because the majority of people have children and find it very stressful and they see life without children calmer and richer. (apparently the average child costs around 拢250,000)





sorry i babbled on a bit.



I haven't got any kids...i'm only 18 but yeah i completely agree with you. You can lead a very fulfilling life without kids...don't be pressured by anyone...in due time maybe you will want kids maybe not...it's completely 100% yours and your hubby's decision...enjoy your career and married life while you can - i don't think you are selfish at all it's your life - do what you want! I am very happy for you...
i feel you girl. i'm 26 and have no plans of having kids. there are so many people out there that do have kids and are terrible parents. i travel wherever whenever. i'm well on my way to getting my bachelors and plan to continue for my masters. i'm and independant woman who goes about my life carefree. i have several nephews that i love dearly and i spend time with whenever i can. People with kids have no choice but to say they are happy, i mean what are they gonna do? return them? I see so many moms that look absolutely miserable !!
I have four children. I'm blessed.


But I think that if I didn't have children, I wouldn't be selfish, lonely or have no meaning in life. Life would just be different for me.


God has given me at this time the job of raising my children to be the best they can be. I cannot make them into something I want them to be. They are their own person. I can teach them right from wrong, and guide them in life when they need help.


My life does not totally revolve around my kids, but it seems like it does sometimes! I am still me, my fulfillment does not come from them.


When my children are all grown and out on their own, then my life will be different and fulfilled in other ways too.
I don't remember saying that!