Saturday, January 23, 2010

Why do people always make these excuses to childfree people?

From what I've experienced, people (mostly parents or hopefuls) always said...





';You're too young to be making this decision';


';Who will take care of your when you're older?';


';Children are a blessing and a gift in marriage';


';If you want to get married, then be prepared to have children';


';No girl/guy would want you if you don't want kids or went permanantly sterile';


';After you go permanantly sterile, you will regret it';





The the question is, why the f' do these people always make these lame excuses to childfree people? Also, can parents really be considered a CF person's worst nightmare and enemy?Why do people always make these excuses to childfree people?
I think mothers are the worst. My mom and my fiance's mom keeps bugging us about kids. Neither one of us wants kids. Sure I hear occasionally from my friends how kids are so great and I should have one and then I list all the reasons to them why I don't....I hate crying and weird smells and how they constantly need you and how I don't want my body to get all stretched out and gross looking and money and my lack of patience (hey, at least I'm honest). I'm just too selfish of a person and they should be happy and not nagging that I don't have a kid. I would be a horrible mother!Why do people always make these excuses to childfree people?
Great Q... the answer to your Q is just as varied as you examples listed above. They range from: ';Misery Loves Company'; --- to --- ';They want you to share the blessed moments that they think only a parent of a child can experience';. Little do they know that some people can experience the depth of love for lots of people and Gods little creatures that do not share their own gene pool. Most of the people giving you those excuses only mean well though.
Yeah... as soon as I got engaged, the question wasn't where we're getting married or even when, but do we plan to have children. To me this is a very personal decision and I don't think it's anyone's business what my intentions are... not to mention it's just plain rude, what if I have some kind of disorder that prevents it? That is none of their business....
I don't have children and I'm 37. I just never wanted them! That was my choice. I get so sick of all these things you have mentioned. I can't get maternity leave, I can't just leave work because of a sick kid, stores now even have ';parents with parking';. I usually tell people that say these thing to take their tax deduction and leave me alone!
They don't know what to make of us, so they criticize us.





I love the comments about us dying out. I just tell them, ';Don't worry, I will have no problem con-vicing your children to be child-free as well.';





I suggest you don't discuss your child-free status in public. I have gone somewhat ';stealth'; with it, and my life has become much more pleasant.
Those people see parentalhood as a natural fact which should not be questioned. However, we are not animals, we have wishes, feelings, ambitions and so on, we have a cultural world, and in our world parentalhood is a social fact, otherwise how would u explain adoption.
My brother is childless, and my best friend is also childless. they rarely get this kind of stuff, I think some people on here make it more of an issue than it really is.





If you are comfortable with your decision why do you care what they think?
Not sure. I know I don't want to have kids and there are tons of people out there who don't. I also hear you will change your mind when you hit 30. LOL. I think it's just some sort of a norm-rule that people make.
I think you should only have children if you want to. The excuses you listed are just guilt trips. I wouldn't worry about it. Your life! You live it the way you want.
They are jealous that they don't have the balls to take the same risks. What they NEED to do is mind their own business. Who asked their opinion anyway?
What are you trying to get at?





.....by the way.....


Everyone knows that when you have a child you go a little ';crazy';





Have you ever thought that maybe you're just being a piss-ant?
I'm childless and haven't experienced any of these situations. Also, you don't need to be fixed to not have kids.
The vast majority of feminists are childless or have only one child. They are making themselves extinct.





ha ha ahahahah ha ha There *is* a god.
i think it's because they've either had children and regretted it, or because they want kids themselves but find it hard to deal with everything they'll be missing out on
Not enough people trust us childfree folks to be serious. It's none of their business, anyway (and, might I add, you've made it everyone's business more than enough!).
People usually see everyone in the same way they see themselves. Example ';if I like it you should like it too.'; It's just the way we are.
People have this funny belief that what's good for them must be good for everyone else.
What in the world are you talking about ?


Get some new friends.
Why don't you add ';You're going to be extinct!';
I have kids and I'm the first one to expose the whole 'myth of motherhood' and the supposed fulfillment it brings.





Dont' buy it for a minute. It's for some people, many, many people find out too late that they really aren't the best of parent material. But you do the best you can. You love your kids and keep on keeping on.





But I'm tellin ya, you will NEVER hear me tell any of my kids or any Childless couples I know about how they 'need' to do this. It's BS. If you're totally completely positively certain you need this to be complete in life then go for it. (Provided you know you'll have support from the other parent no matter how the two of you turn out) if however, you're not so sure.. .well, just think on it a bit. You've got quite a bit of time. And the desire may just pass.
I have children but I would never tell others they should have them. I know parenthood is not for everybody. However, I didn't have my children when I was real young so there was plenty of time for people to tell me I would change my mind. The strange thing is that I didn't get any of these comments, not even from my parents or other relatives. I suspect that some of you who have been receiving them must be giving out some sort of signals that are prompting other people to tell you these things. Have any of you ever thought of that? I would say that watch what you say about having children. When you start making strong and negative comments, it tells many people you are actually insecure in your decision and that's what's why they are saying these things.
I don't pay any attention to that. They mean well. It's really none of their business but I appreciate what they say. It doesn't mean that I'm going to do anything differently. Having a child is a huge decision and not something that should be entered into lightly. You cannot count on children to be there for their parents. Permanent sterliziation seems a bit extreme to me but it's your choice. Parents don't bother me at all. I like talking to other parents because I learn a lot from them.


I do think it would be nice to have a child but I don't think it's a good idea for me. My husband is done. He has children from a previous marriage. I think I would be a great parent but I would be really stressed too, more so than now. I used to think that I would be a terrible parent but not anymore. My saving grace is that I really care and will do the hard things because I care and have a great capacity to love. I'm not afraid of hard work and uphill battles. It doesn't phase me. Of course I'm a softie too but I can put on a good show when I need to. :-)





Really this is a decision you should make with your partner.


You have to be comfortable with it. How stupid to have children just because some people say you should.





edit: My parents haven't said anything to us about having kids. They know that we aren't going to. I'm sure that my mom is disappointed but I have 2 younger brothers so maybe they will have kids though it's not looking like it. But we have the furry kind. (cats and dogs) They have joked about it. grand cats, grand dog. I spoil them.





It's a choice. There are plenty of parents out there that shouldn't be parents because they aren't in the picture or they abuse their kids.





Don't worry about it. Do what you feel is best for you. In the end, that's what you need to go with or suffer the consequences. It may work out great but it's not certain.





I do think that kids can really change people for the better. I can see that. But not all people will have a wonderful experience.





edit: Don't be so sensitive. No need to be. You'll age yourself.


You're not alone besides. Let the criticism roll off your back.


That's what I do, try to do. It's not easy.

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