If you are childfree temporarily or indefinitely, do you think people understand?

I just wondered other people who want to be childfree either permnantly or in the near future, do you find that others don't understand where you are coming from? Or even patronise as 'You'll change your mind when you get older ;-)'?





I'm not saying 100% that I wouldn't change my mind, because nothing is impossible but my husband and I don't want kids.





Personally my marriage, my business and doing charity work etc makes me very content and love life, and we don't feel the need to have any children.





But I do find when talking to people about this, they automatically assume that you WILL change your mind, like not wanting children means you are defficient, abnormal or in a phase of somesort.





I just think, that like unlike religion, political views etc why is this still such a taboo tht people find so hard to comprehend?If you are childfree temporarily or indefinitely, do you think people understand?
I have chosen to be childless, and I鈥檓 in my 40鈥檚, so it鈥檚 not like I鈥檒l change my mind when I get older. My boyfriend of 17 years has also chosen to be childless, but for very different reasons than mine.





I find the only ones who truly understand how I feel are people who have also chosen to be childless. I hate having to explain my reasons (genetic problems) to people who feel that I must fit into some preconceived idea of life choices.





Life should be about choice. And true friends should accept their friends鈥?choices, no matter how different they are from their choices.If you are childfree temporarily or indefinitely, do you think people understand?
No. They don't understand. They've been bugging us for 11 years now. It really gets old. The ';When are YOU having a baby??'; When are YOU going to make your mother a grandmother?'; When are YOU going to catch up to your brother, he already has two you know.'; And all the other rude comments that people throw at us. We are always patronized. Me and my husband are the same way. We donate ALOT of money to charity, and it what we like best. We are happy being a family of two, we live life to it's fullest every day, no matter what life throws at us.


I really hate the ones who tell you all that you are missing while in the process screaming their heads off at little johnny.


I just don't get it. What are they trying to say? That I am missing out on all the yelling and screaming? Me and my husband are happy just the way we are, and we aren't going to change for anyone to win their approval.
I'd immediately have to disagree with where you said it differs from political or religious opinions in terms of being taboo...





In the US when asked, over 70% of the population said they'd prefer to vote for a woman, ethnic minority, homosexual or differing religion before they would opt for an atheist.





For politics, ask someone who votes how they feel about someones decision not to vote. I cannot tell you how many times I've heard the opinion that if you don't vote, you have no right to complain (which I strongly disagree with, I believe it is the opposite).





You think you have problems ? I am a single white male atheist, who does not vote and does not want to have children. I might as well be the Anti-Christ.





In regards to the opinion that you will change your mind with time, I think that depends on your age. When you are 20 something and you say that, people dismiss it. It is not uncommon for people that age not to want children. They often do change their minds though, once the woman is 35 and faced with the decision to either have a child or never have a child. When You're 35+ and you tell someone, you're not going to have children, they tend to believe you.
I'm child-free and probably will be for the rest of my life. Yes, people do think it's strange. Yes, they are sometimes patronizing. The first response I usually get from people when they find out is ';well, you can always adopt!'; or ';well, so in so in human resources had a kid at 42. You never know!'; I've just learned to ignore people when they say that because it's such a canned response.





They never say anything like ';wow, I admire you for accepting your life as it is and being happy'; or ';more people should be accepting of their lives and not feel pressured into something just because it is the social norm.';





In the end, all that really matters for me is being satisfied with my own life and they have no idea what a sense of freedom and peace I enjoy in my life.
if you and your husband agree on not having children then i would not have them... it honestly is so hard to raise children these days........and sometimes though i love my sons the heartache and pain i think sometimes i wish i never had any......and i know i wish i had a daughter thinking maybe we would be close.......it does not matter what others think...it is hard to raise children these days and i doubt it gets any easier...the cost of living is so high and babies are not something you can slack on.....some people i guess do regret not having children but the way things are these days i think it is best not to have them....i have grandkids and i love them to pieces but i barely like their parents and the way they do.....i have to help so much with these grandkids.....course not everyone has the same situations going on in their lives either......but basically i would just do what you and your husband want and do not concern yourself with what others think.......
I've found that most people don't care if I have kids or not. I'm only in my early 20s, though, so it may be that they just believe I'll ';change my mind,'; although I've never had anyone (in real life, at least) tell me that flat out. The only hostility I have ever encountered regarding being childfree is by people on the Internet, whether that be people here on this forum calling me ';cold, selfish, and unnatural,'; or bloggers attacking the entire childfree community. These people typically have little education and lack any sympathy for others. Just because they cannot imagine their lives without children, they're unable to comprehend that others can.
I think many people don't understand. Fortunately for me, I won't have to deal with that because I do want kids. I can somewhat understand where they are coming from because, for me, it really did feel like a flip of a switch when I started to really want children. However, I think people need to understand that NO means NO unless you tell them you have changed your mind. Just because other people might get bored with their lives doesn't mean you will. There is so much to do in life and I know that I will probably give a lot of it up in order to have children. Volunteering and participating in the community can be so rewarding and I think you can easily find a lifetime of interesting adventures in volunteering alone. Good luck, enjoy your life, tell all the crazy people that you aren't changing your mind and that even if you ever did, it wouldn't be because of them.
I might be too young to give an accurate answer.


I think majority of people like to have kids.


But it is quite NORMAL to do things differently than what the majority does; even the majority thinks it as ABNORMAL. It is like that in UK there are lots of Football fans and fewer Cricket fans. Football fans can ask Cricket fans ';Why you guys love Cricket it is very boring. You should watch Football.'; They can ask that but, should Cricket fans listen to them?


Anyway having children looks like fun. It makes you very busy. They always do what you don't want to do. They make noises that you can't understand.


(I thought that western people don't care about such things/ideas. To tell the truth SOME of elderly people in our countries think it as a very BAD thing to even think of, and I hope it will change someday.)
Most older people who have had children understand perfectly why some people do not want children. Women often tell me that at 55years old it is never too late.





However, whenever I mention to them about having, adopting, or caring for children going forward, they look at me like I were from Mars.





Selfish or not, my life is full without children.
I get this all the time. Whenever I mention not wanting kids, everyone acts shocked and almost invariably comes at me with a comment like ';You'll change your mind as you get older'; or ';It's just a phase, don't worry, things will change.'; They seem worried that I don't want children, and somehow offended by the fact that I refuse to reproduce.





I have my own reasons for not wanting kids. I don't want to deal with pregnancy, for one - I don't care how many people say that ';it's worth it'; or whatever: having your stomach bulge at the seams, morning sickness, swelling heals, labor pains, and pushing a 7 pound melon out of my vagina just doesn't sound appealing. I also don't want to spend a minimum of 18 years caring for another person, and to be honest I'm not the maternal sort. When I see a little kid, my reaction is never ';Oh, how cute! I want one!'; but rather ';Well they're cute for about 10 minutes, but then start to annoy the hell out of me.';


I want to travel, and I plan on getting a job that requires a lot of traveling. I can't have a kid if I'm going to be running all over the world. Besides, the world is overpopulated as it is. I could never justify bringing another person into the world (not a big deal, presumably, but then that person could have two kids and then those kids could have four kids each, and before you know it I've spawned a whole city with my one child) when the amount of people already outnumbers the amount of resources. The world is much more important to me than the 'joys' (I'm sure they are for some people, but really, I can think of lots of things I'd rather do) of having a kid.





Sorry for the rant. As I'm sure you can see, I get rather annoyed when people refuse to regard my reasons for not wanting kids as being viable :)
Hello Princess. As you already know I chose to be childfree indefinitely. I made that decision by the time I turned 16. My biggest hope is to find a woman who doesn't want kids.





People always said I'll change my mind, but this is false over one million percent.





What I've seen on the article ';Childfree'; on WikiPedia, there was a section on people referring childfree people as 'selfish'.





I believe you don't want kids. Hey, I don't want them either.
I'm 41 and I still have no desire to have kids, due to my own negative childhood experience and abusive parents. Nothing abnormal about a woman not wanting kids and after an abusive childhood, it's quite natural. Plus, opting out of the gene pool makes it less likely you'll impose abuse on an innocent child, along with the myriad of genetic **** our parents impose on us. Also, I know I'm not taxing the earth's resources and the environment by making extra people, and I'm not adding to the swelling overpopulation crisis. People who have kids are heedless to these things and care nothing about the environment, the earth, animals, and the resources that are sapped daily because they decide to replicate. Everything's all about them, and these people have kids because THEY want them, not necessarily because it's in the potential child's best interest. Having kids feeds the ego of these people. I dare say that if over half of the earth's population didn't breed, there would still be people enough, so the argument that everyone must have kids for the human race to continue doesn't fly. You are doing everyone a disservice by having kids. Please do not have any.
Many people don't want children and I don't believe everyone has to have offspring. Some people see growing up, getting married and having children as a thing everyone does, but it isn't everyones desire.





I have 4 children myself, but I wanted children. If I hadn't then I certainly wouldn't have had any. I am sure you know if you want to be a mother or not and there is no reason for you to be one if it isn't a desire or interest of yours. Your have children for yourself, not for everyone else.





All children should be wanted. If they aren't then its certainly better not to have them. I can't forsee any reason or logic in that making you a bad person or any different than any other woman who's made her decision whatever it may be.





Anyone can change their mind, but it doesn't mean they will nor should it be assumed they will because it doesn't suit what one feels should occur.
I think it is hard for people to understand it, I know two couples that did not want children and their families were always bringing it up.


One of the couples have changed their minds and are having a hard time conceiving now, waited to long, or just not meant to be? Who can say, but she feels a lot of guilt now.


I do think that people who have children they love find it hard to understand how anyone could not want children, they are so precious and bring such happiness.


Parents, I think want their children to have them for that same reason and much more, grandchildren are like starting over for them and a continuation of the family line.


I think the idea of continuing our blood line is still very strong for most people, almost like a type of immortality.





EDIT: Just to be clear on this, if a couple do not want children, I think it would be a very bad idea to have a child to make someone else happy. It is the couples choice and bothering them will only cause them to avoid you!
I would carry around the articles written after lots research that say that married couples without children are happier that those who had children. The couples surveyed those who had been married 20+ years. The childless couples had a closeness that the others did not.





I am trying to find it but it is a subcription only site.
Perhaps my opinion is not enriched enough since I'm only 18.





I plan on being ';childless.'; In my future plans, I do not see myself as a mother.





This speculation arrives with an analysis of my career plans (corporate law) and my personality--I prefer being alone.





I understand what others are saying. However, no one has any right to make a decision for me. I will not have a child for society!


That is my decision and I will never have a child if I am not in the position to raise him/her the way I would like.
I understand u. I feel like I have a life full of satisfactions, travels, career, degree studies. However, people around don't stop to wondering when I'm having children (friends, sister, mom).


I guess people thinks I'm not complete if I'm not mother, which is silly to me, I mean, I have been doing important things to me, why is they just can`t understand is as much valuable as to them is to have children???
What it all boils down to is: your choice. Whether a couple decides to have children or not is their business. I would much rather a couple not have children if they don't really want them - it seems a much more responsible decision. However, I also understand the point of view of people who say you will want them some day. I didn't want children at all in my early 20's, but then my husband and I started trying to have kids when I was 29. We now have one and we find that she is enough. We always have people asking when we will be having a brother or sister for her but frankly, we feel like we are doing the best thing for her by not having other children that we don't really want. Like you have decided not to have any, we have decided that one is all we want. Don't worry about what other people think. No matter what your choice, someone will always think you need to do something differently. :-)
If you change your mind then that is your decision. People just need to mind their own business. Some people can be happy in life without all the stress children cause. The world is not perfect and it is hard to bring children into it.
Nobody understands but other childfree people. With everyone else, it's: ';You'll change your mind!'; ';But I want grandkids!'; ';But you'll lose your womanhood!';
Don't listen to others; you know what you want and need; carry on.
as one of the people you just described (the ones who think you will change your mind) i just think eventualy your biological clock will kick in and you will want to have kids or you will get bored with the way your life is going, if you are realatively new at being married, having your own business etc that after 10 years of doing it you might get bored, often times people shift from a more self centered vew of the world to one of wanting to care for others (hence kids) Im not going to pretend to know you, so im stuck with the generality that most people will change thier mind





also, what makes you think that just because you believe or think a certain way now you are going to think or believe a certain thing in 10 or 15 years? people evolve and change...





EDIT_ no he was just being immature and railing against a social institution, a phase which he grew out of