What's it like for you in the work place? Even if you're in the closet please just lemme know.
How do you deal with it on dates?
If you've been with your partner, gf/bf, whoever, how has your life been like thus far? Any regrets? Ever end a relationship because of it?
Really just want to hear people experiences in being childfree. Thanks.Your experiences in being childfree?
You are not strange. One in five women are like you. But most don't know it until they are 40.
I always knew I wanted to be child-free. I had a vasectomy when I was 21, against the wishes of my drug addict spouse.
The bad:
I live close to Mexico. Here family is considered everything. If a man has fewer than three kids he is considered gay, or impotent. That is not an exaggeration.
I know several child-free people at work. Most have pictures of other peoples’ children on their cube walls to keep other people off their back. They largely keep their child-free status a secret so people will not harass them about it.
I have been told that I will, “Burn in Hell”. I have been called, “Gay” and so forth. Nobody who harasses you for being child-free will be perused by HR I can tell you from personal experience, that you had better not say anything rude back to them if you want to keep your job. Everyone in HR has children. You are just an oddball to them.
Dating is difficult. You will likely have to date people that have children until you reach your mid-30's.
The good:
I grew up very poor, so my only hope at an education was to work for it. I did so, and managed to get though college on my own. Today the “hopeless” child form the 80’s is a software developer for a fortune 500 company.
I have many stamps in my passport and I have photographs that I took all over the world. Such would not be possible had I had children.
.
I take 4 vacations a year (I get 5 weeks vacation from my job).
My Jeep is paid in full, and still under warrantee. You can’t beat that.
I have a house with a nice cactus garden, and a swimming pool. I own many breakable things (none are broken).
I have no finger-prints on my TV screen, or my bathroom mirrors.
I can sleep in, or stay out all I want.
I am frequently mistaken for 30, yet I am 41. My brother is 4 years younger. He married a woman with children. He looks almost old enough to be my father. Many of my high school friends look so much older than I do.
Regrets:
If I was going to have regrets I would by now. Being child-free carries novelty for a lifetime. I am a member of a child-free club. Most of the members are in their late 50’s. Nobody has regrets.
If you have any questions, drop me a message.Your experiences in being childfree?
Hi. We are childfree by choice. We've been married 11 years now. It's been great. No we don't have any regrets, in fact it's nice to come home to a quiet house where we can relax. Especially after coming home from his brother's house. Of course our decision was not welcomed at all in his family. We got the usual...';When are YOU having a baby';, ';Your Brother already has two, when are YOU going to get moving';, blah,blah,blah. They finally stopped asking after 9 years. We used to get the same questions at wakes and funerals, too. Very tactful people. Work? Same there. They usually just treated me as an outcast, while all the while complaining about ';Little Sue and Little Johnny';.
In the end it's all up to you..not anyone else. Let them roll their eyes at you, my husband's grandmother was the only woman who understood our decision. Bless her heart, she died last year. That woman lived 97 years, and had 5 kids....she knew how hard it was to even raise one.
We are not against children, we do have a niece and nephew. And lots of our charity donations are geared towards children. Demelza House Children's Hospice, Toys for Tots, every year we buy 3 presents a week, so we can donate over 200 toys at the end of the year. We may not have children by choice, but we open our hearts to charity every chance we can.
We may be looked at as an outcast in the family, but we're happy with our lives. We go to movies every weekend, go to the casino, ALOT...travel everywhere, go to museums, plays, magic shows, and concerts. There's lots of things you can enjoy by being childfree..and it doesn't mean that you are a bad person. You just know what you can and can't handle. Well, that's our life in a nut-shell. :) Hope that helps.
kids suck
I'm 49 and childfree by choice. I have to admit I regret it right now. You are only in your 20's you have plenty of time . Things change every day you may change your mind. Give it time. Don't make any quick decisions
Wow, heavy question for Friday night...but its here: Having children is the ULTIMATE joy in life. I meen, its not something you can express w/o experiencing. I have to say I have always wanted children. Someone to love and get loved back unconditionally. No matter how many times I make the wrong choice or yell at the wrong time...they keep coming back.
NOW, do not get me wrong, I DO enjoy my time apart, but I brag about them the entire time.
Do you have a cat/dog? Do do they something really cute and you are like awwwh? Same thing for kids...their learning and finding themselves are kick-***.
HOWEVER is not for everyone. Everything happens for a reason, but it is all within our self being.
IF you are not ready to share your time, yourself, then that is your answer. Its a personal growth.
Only YOU can answer this, everyone is different.
Good luck.
I'm 41, married 13 years, and knew in grade school that I was childfree. Obviously I didn't know there was a name for it at the time, and I learned to keep my decision to myself to avoid a barrage of ';you'll change your mind, *everyone* has kids.'; As I got older, ';YCYM'; turned into ';you're a woman, there's something wrong with you if you don't want kids,'; which got really tiresome. For some reason guys don't get much grief about not having kids; I think it's because for a lot of guys, reproducing isn't the end-all be-all of human existence, they live balanced lives. What I have observed in my life is that the small number of men I've encountered who DO think reproducing is the pinnacle of life, they tend to be around for the Kodak moments and let their wives do the drudge work of actually raising the kids. But I have taken way more harassment for my decision from women than I have from men, except for that Kodak-moments species of guy I mentioned earlier. They get just as offended as women at your CFness, but I won't go into my theories about why they are that way, this post is going to be long enough as it is.
I'm ';out'; at work. Some parents never talk to me about their kids, some are politely baffled that I don't have 'em, don't want 'em, and don't want to hear about theirs. I wish them well, hope their kids bring them nothing but joy, and don't care to hear about it. In some workplaces parents constantly being absent because of their kids--illness, soccer game, school play, whatever--throws the work on others, which is obviously a source of resentment. I'm lucky--I'm a chemist, and in my lab everyone has their own research and nobody does anyone else's work. (Actually, it's not allowed.) So whether a parent takes a week off to tend a sick kid or I take a month off to trek through Southeast Asia (which I have done), the work you left is still there when you get back. But I don't think most workplaces operate like this.
Dating was tough for me. At first I hid my CFness, which was wrong, and then I wasted way too much time in a relationship with a guy who was lifescript all the way: education, check! Job, check! Bought a house--check! He seemed cool, but after a while I realized he was working on the next check mark, ';get married,'; soon to be followed by ';have kids.';
I had told him previously that I didn't want kids and thought I could convince him to see it my way: ';Why do you want me to wreck my body so we can be slaves to whiny bundles of need? There's a big world out there, let's go see it!'; For his part, he just *knew* I would change my mind ';because all women want children!'; When I told him I didn't, we had a rough six months of him constantly asking me, ';Why can't you just be like everybody else? Why can't you be normal?'; It was ugly. So we broke up and I told myself I would never hide my CFness. I didn't toss it out as soon as I met a new guy, but when the conversation came up I stated my views and told them if they really wanted kids I was not serious girlfriend material. Don't think that wasn't hard to do a few times! But I dated some guys who are still CF to this day, we broke up for other reasons and still chat occasionally.
When I met my husband we went on a few casual dates with mutual friends (the zoo, the museum, skiing) and one night at dinner he said, ';I like you, I want to get serious with you, but I have to tell you, I have an appointment for a vasectomy next week.'; I told him I'd drive him to the appointment and make sure there were bags of peas in the freezer afterward, and that was the start of us being a couple. We got married two years later.
I apologize for the wordiness of this answer. I guess the two important things I have to tell you if you come down on the CFside of the fence are that people will see you as a little unusual, outside the mainstream, especially since you are female (not a bad thing, necessarily) and when you do declare your CFness, you can cut down on the ';YCYM'; comments by being strong and decisive when you say it, leaving no room for discussion. Good luck to you, whatever you choose.
I'm 44, my wife 40.
we have chose not to have children.
we only have one niece between us.
no regrets - but just occasionally miss passing on life's lessons.
we are financially beter off.
I don't have any kids, I've been married for a yr. I can concieve and my husband soilders are marching fine so it's by choice. anyway, we can go as we please we don't have to worry about leaving work or taking off b/c our kid(s) are sick. we can take vacations and not have to worry about what we're going to do with the kids. However, I do feel that kids are a blessing and we do want them eventually, but for now we are enjoying each other. b/c when kids come your whole life changes. So I figure it's better to enjoy each other and then decide when the time is right. my age is 27
Works great.
And why would it affect me in the workplace? What I do with my life is nobodies business at work.
In the closet? To me that indicates that there is something wrong with not having kids. There is nothing wrong with it although there are a few people who will act like it.
I am child free mostly by choice. My first husband and I were sort of trying and it didn't happen but by the time we split up I realized I really didn't want children. I have no physical desire to be pregnant, never have, and to be honest though I love the kids in my life, I am not at all into the baby scene. I don't want to hold people's babies, I don't ooh and aaah at them, and my biological clock just hasn't ticked in years. I do have a stepson but he was a teenager when I married his dad so while we had to still raise him a bit, he was hardly a child.
For me it wasn't an issue during dating, but I think you just need to be honest. I have a few girlfriends who are solidly in the no babies camp and we stick close together. It can be awkward sometimes in social situations when everyone is talking about their kids and you have nothing to contribute, but I try to steer the conversation towards something everyone can relate too.
At a former job, I had a situation with my boss. She was a mom and a workaholic. One of my colleagues was at the same level as I and when she had her child, our boss all of a sudden was far more concerened about the mom's time. ';Sue, don't you need to go home for the kids?'; She'd say. Meanwhile assuming I could stick around to meet with her at 7:00 pm just because I didn't have little ones. I just told her that my personal time was just as valuable; and to her credit my colleague didn't like being given special treatment either.
So overall, I am very happy with my choice. My husband and I are able to be spontaneous with our schedule and travel. I have very little personal time but I am able to be selfish with it as I don't have to get kids up and ready every day and so on. Again, I am blessed with many nieces, nehpews, and friend's kids that I adore but I love being an aunt and don't regret not being a mom. (Sorry this is so long.)
It is always my opinion that people who choose not to have children are the selfish, immature types that will be running around like the old hags on sex in the city, but when you are a grandparent age, you might regret it.
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