I have two sons, 19 and 16, and if I knew then what I know now, I believe the childfree life would have been for me. Don't get me wrong, I love my boys to bits, but children especially young ones are very demanding, expensive, messy and totally selfish. I don't see anything wrong in choosing not to have children. I have two friends who have chosen this course and they have a fantastic life with no regrets.Is anyone else childfree?
is that why you slag people off who are ill and pregnant for 'wasting taxpayers money?'. well just think all that hard work you will put in to buy a nice posh house and have lots of savings in the bank, then when you die the only will you will leave is for the local dogs home. .....nice.
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I agree that children are very selfish, and thus I never want any
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Having kids does not guarantee that they will be there for you. A lot of times kids grow up and hate their parents and aren't around for them in old age. My mom has seen a lot of that, she works with seniors. Don't judge. Its just a different way to live.
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its your life. its your choice. but personally, it is great to have at least one child.
They say that, because they couldn't imagine life without the ones they have. What they don't realise is - people without children are blessed, we don't have the ties nor the heartache they give us when they grow up. After spending years of taking care of these children, they grow up and cause more heartache. I'm very, very happy that I'm childless, and it would break my heart to fall pregnant now - Oh no, I think I'm getting a headache!! I couldn't imagine binging up a child in my life, I love my freedom. They can keep their children and I'll stay blessed thank you.
I think I'll have a glass of wine tonight to toast all us childless couples that are happy about it.
If that is definately your choice, then no-one has the right to tell you that you are making a mistake! I was with my ex for 14 years and thought exactly like you did that I never ever wanted kids. For the last 5 years I have been with a man whom I adore and who has 3 children of his own from a previous relationship. I have now decided that I would love a child with him (after seeing how he is with his kids) however, he is not keen to have anymore children now and so I am stuck with the prospect of not having one. Its one thing deciding not to have any, but having that choice taken away from you is heartbreaking! All I think about is who I will have to pass my things to when I die, who will look after me when I am old, who I will have to love me if something happens to my boyfriend. Just make sure that it is exactly what you want before you commit to it, if it is then stick to your guns and ignore what other people say.
it's your life do as you see fit
I'm childfree and my husband and I have never regretted it. Not for a minute. We too had to listen to everyone tell us how we should have kids. It went on for about 10 years and then they finally quit. Just tell them what we did...';When you're living our lives, you can make changes. Until then, we'll make our decisions thank you very much!';
because they want you to suffer raising kids just like everyone else. no, just kidding. quite possibly people say that because some people find it unatural that everyone isnt a breeder, oblivious, perhaps to the overcrowding of the rest of the world, and because it is one of those decisions that until quite recently, was age related, and therefore, somewhat irreversible. and because for many people, even the ones that think they would never want children, there comes a point, (usually around holidays that we love to see children enjoy), when there arent any children around, or some other event occurs, that makes them wish they had at least one kid to share with;cause iv'e found you wanna share who you are, and what you know. it might depend on your age. i didnt know how i wanted children until all my little nieces and nephews had grown away, and forgotten me. i was fortunate enough to have sisters who were generous with sharing their kids, but , at least in my experience, neices and nephews do not see aunties as permanent attachments, like they do their moms and dads, and so on days like today, with my own mother dead, and no children to call my own, and now none to remember me, i feel sad and cut off from both the generation ahead of me, as well as the one behind me. but im not sure id want to do it some other way, as all my sisters that procreated are divorced from the fathers of their children, whereas those of us that did not procreate are still married to our original parteners. i am almost positive there is a connection there. try not to worry so much, though, because you can get pregnant at 50, just go get your eggs frozen, in case you want them later maybe? (i guess my best advise is, hedge your bets, and cover all your bases, leaving as many options open for as long as you can, in case you change what you want mid-stream). i hope i have been of some benefit. i answered because it is a distressing subject for me and i find it strangely cathardic to be trying to help anyone else with any of it
To each his own. But now that I am older, and alone I am so glad that I have grown children. They give me a reason to live.
I'll never have children of my own, there is nothing I can do about that, so no point dwelling on it and getting upset about it.
When people have children, their brains fall out. It seems clear that the process completely alters their thinking, and that nature sees to it that their kids become an overwhelming obsession for them.
This make sense, but it's not something I want to do to my head. I reckon I'm thinking clearly now.
With their minds full of goo-goo, it's not surprising that parents can't understand that people can have perfectly happy - happier even - lives without rugrats to destroy their bodies, finances and daily lives.
You can probably afford to buy yourself better friends, frankly.
CD
Having children or not is between you and the other person involved
As long as you and your husband are on one accord about not having children, don't let other people pressure you into doing something your not ready to do. Plain and simple. Some of the old folk, back in the day, seen having kids as someone to take care of them when they get old. They can pass down their money, property, etc. to their children instead of the state getting it. Whatever your reasons for not having kids is, is YOUR reason. You said you got a great life, enjoy it to the fullest!!!
yes i am child free. i dont want any brats ruining my life.
Some people are just very judgmental. I'm a mother of four and I constantly get judged for being a stay at home mom. Like you, we've chosen a life that we are happy with but some people can't seem to imagine how we could be happy. I think it's that they view their own life as the best ';way'; and question how anyone else could be happy doing things differently. This happens on many levels of life. People not only question a decision to have or not have children but marriage, religion, education, income, housing. I just answered a question where someone was harshly judging women in abusive relationships. I think unless you walk a mile in someones shoes, you really have no right to judge. I applaud people that have made certain decisions. Life is not a carbon copy that should be repeated the same for all. We are all individuals with different goals and aspirations. We should be happy in celebrating our differences! When people tell you you've made a mistake, just smile and move along. It's really all you can do. Try not to judge back. Just be happy in knowing who you are.
You could say I am child free as my daughter has now grown up and I have grandchildren BUT if I could turn the clock back I would not have got married and had kids. You do what you want not what people expect.
As long as you are happy that's all that matters
not what others say
Its best when asked to keep a dignified silence and play in those their hands
:O)
if you don't want kids, and it's something you AND your husband agree on, then that's up to you. go and live your life how you want.
I agree with you,I have 2 kids and phew are they a challenge
Some of my friends think the same, happy childless,they just like to be on their own,its your life you spend it how you want
Don't bow to other peoples opinions :-)
If you have both discussed it and you both made the decision to not have kids, then I think that you are being responsible, rational, and doing what is right for you. Too many ';unplanned'; children have taught us many things as a society, as in poverty, divorce, abuse, and what not. If children are not something that you desire in life than good for you for knowing yourselfs and making the decision to not have an unwanted child. Things may change 10 years down the line, and you could have a child, or adopt. But if this is what you want then I commend you on communication between each other, preventing an unwanted child and standing your ground when raked over the coals!! The only mistake would be to bring a child into the world where they were not wanted.
I love my kids more than anything, they are my world (and my hubby). I wouldn't have done anything different, and I have no regrets. However I didn't have my first until I was 25, and my second I didn't have until 37. And until I was 24, I didn't want kids, then I changed my mind. But it wasn't until we were both ready for it!!!
Dear Friend,
Its all part of human life cycle. Any thing against the nature is surely going to have some thing disadvantage. As you have mentioned that you all have already decided I dont want to thrust any personel view over this. But as few of others had already answered to the its disadvantages . You can enjoy life ie sex and other thrills but at the end of the day who does'nt love a cheerful face of small child? Even you, if you get a small child in your arm would surely kiss pouring your love and emotions over him/her.
I do agree with some of the disadvantages that the present society is facing right from the cost of education---Marriage---Building home and assetts for them.
The final call/shot is again in the hands of all mighty i.e if the child is caring--good, if he turns out a rouge it spoils the old age also.
Still 99.9% opt for it.
It is just like getting married or not married. Things are sold in the market like other commodities, its your choice to buy the things that suits your home.
Live your life the way you want to. Not everyone has children, i want them but i wouldnt assume it was for everyone. For some reason people cant accept that some couples dont want kids in there life. Who cares, as long as your happy. I bet you look and feel really young for it! x
People can call it mistake, or whatever, but it's your life. U know better, why u decided not having kids. But only to share with u the joy of having children, the great feeling that no one can describe unless u experience it. To love them, to worry for them, to share the joy with them, to celebrate special occasions, ohhh....it's just beyond anything!
I have the same life you do and alot of people were shocked that we decided not to have children, but we both felt the same way. I still don't know why we felt that way, because we love children and all our family and friends had children.
Well, many people thought we made a mistake, because they just assume that after you get married you raise a family. Some people think your selfish. I've been asked many questions like, what are you two going to do in the future? Who's gonna take care of you someday? They also think, because they have children, what a wonderful thing it is and they can't imagine their life without children.
Sometimes we really do feel like we missed out on a very big part in life, but because we both felt the same way, we both knew it wasn't a good idea and that should only be respected. Regardless, we have the perfect marriage.
Well I always said this, till i was 28 yrs old! Now at 43 yrs old I have a 15 yr old and a 12 yr old and a 5 yr old and a 19month old!
I think before I had kids I was a totally different kind of person, bit more selfesh.materialistic, and thought I'd travel the world and have a great career and make up for being childless that way!
However I did change ome the age of 28 and nothing or no one can prepare you for the huge journey into parenthood! It is the most overwhelming love you can have for another human, your instinct to protect this child is just amazing ! I can not imagine how my life would have been without kids, the love you get back too, unless you have experienced it you really don't know if you have made the right decision as you will never know what having kids is like!
My sister has fertility problems and may never have kids so I have to remain possitive for her and the fact she may have a childless future, but to be perfectly honest I feel sad for her and I know what a huge amount she is missing out on! I think thats why people have told you this! It would be nice to know how old you are? On 2nd thoughts why inflict your self on a child that you didn't want!
I'm childfree and my hubby and I have a fantastic life, only the people who are unhappy with their life criticise our lives so I presume jealousy on their part.
I think its important to have and raise responsible kids. I look at it from the perspective of a society really. We need to have intelligent responsible people breeding. If we don't then soon enough we will be 'outbred' by 'less desireable' people, their beliefs and character traits. As an example, the average western family is not breeding nearly enough to sustain our way of life and in smaller countries we are not breeding enough to have a good taxable base. IN countries like China, the one child policy is coming to bite them in the butt because they have an aging population which will be top heavy fairly soon!
I think we have a responsibility to our country to reproduce.
That aside; the social arguments against having kids (ie over population; lots of unwanted kids already; parental leave; financial commitment etc) I don't think are that good. When you choose to raise a family there are always sacrafices that are going to be made-that's a no brainer.
People have to decide whether they are brave enough to venture down the parenthood path. I wasn't ready to have kids when I did but I wouldnt' change it for the world! I have 4 primary school age kids, travel overseas (without them) go out, visit friends, work -from home; am also back studying but most of all I have a knowing that this life is bigger than me and what I want to achieve in life.
When I die I want to hand on to my kids, whom I am grooming now, the things I have learned, the things I have made, the opinions I have etc. I want them to run with the life I have provided them and build upon it. When I learn about the world I want to share it, I want to influence people who can change the world for a better place for the ones who come after me.
Did I even think about any of that prattle before I had kids? Hell no...I didn't even want kids! Did I think about that when I was having kids? Lord no, I just wanted to sleep for 5 more minutes! Has my view matured the older my kids get and the more influencial our society becomes? Yes!!
I personally think that people who choose not to have kids eliminate a whole world of positive experiences from their lives. If you ever wanted an adventure with no known limits, excitement, pain, panic, loathing, financial commitment, challenges, unconditional love and above all an experience that is different for everyone -- then having kids with your partner is it.
The greatest adventure of all is raising a family. Why anyone would want to opt out is beyond me.
I am 41 and childfree by choice. I have a fantastic career,beautiful (clean and quiet) house, amazing partner and I do travel the world. I am not selfish or materialistic, I just can't stand the thought of spending my days watching the tellytubbies or chatting about stretchmarks with other frumpy mums who can't be bothered to keep fit or wear make up etc. Mums bore me stupid with their self centredness 'little John this and little John that' and complete lack of intelligence and roundedness. Most children drive me mad because they're unruly, loud and selfish. I think having kids to continue your 'lineage' is incredibly selfish and a lot of people who have children these days don't think about the consequences of their actions on themselves or the environment. I chose LIFE rather than a sentence of servitude to a selfish brat and I don't regret it one bit!
simple. because u never experienced the problems, the joy, and the love of having children or child
If you're happy with your decision why are you asking a bunch of total strangers to comment on it ?
yes you actually get to regret such decisions when you are old.you better make hay while the sun shines.
Who is going to carry on your family name - it's your choice that is not in dispute but at the end of the day - your lineage in family terms, when you both die - is gone forever.
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