Does race really have anything to do with being childfree?

I'm black and childfree by choice. A while ago, a family member told me that if I don't have kids, the black race will decrease. What the hell?? What does race have to do with being childfree?





Also as a black guy, I find white girls more attractive and if I were to have a intimate/long-term relationship with one, I never want kids in the relationship, just the two of us. No prejudice involved, but I'm not too crazy about kids. Now I know most women want kids, sadly.








Does race really have anything to do with being childfree and looking for a(n) intimate/long-term relationship with someone of another race but never have kids?Does race really have anything to do with being childfree?
Tell your thoughtless family member that you and your friends (white, black, brown, etc) didn't know we were competing to make the most babies. Maybe your family member needs to think about educating his or her children rather than making more of them.





I guess your relative would say all the white men that date black women are doing some kind harm to the black race. I may have it all wrong but I think that all women (regardless of race) like to be loved. What is wrong with that?





I am white and most of my black friends are educated. Guess what. Most of my white friends are educated as well.





I think there are more child free white people, but that is just a coincidence. I have met quite a few black child free people.Does race really have anything to do with being childfree?
I am white and dont' want kids! I know so many white people that are not having kids so tell our family member that the race wont die out because you don't want kids. tell them to stop living your life. i think your smart to not want kids. they are a life long issue that lots of people having kids probablly wish they would have not.
nope. all you have to do is find someone who thinks like you do.





tell your family member black people (or any people for that matter) won't disappear if a few decide not to reproduce.
I'm white ( so is my husband ) and we are childfree. Nothing to do with race.
Your family member is an idiot. White people are actually the minority on a global scale, not that white people will disappear if a few of us stop breeding. Race should have nothing to do with being childfree. It's just a choice that responsible adults sometimes make when they realize that they don't have the time nor the resources or are morally opposed to reproduction.





I'm a married, white, childfree woman and my husband is white as well, but I'll just let you know that whatever colour my husband's skin is makes little difference to me, then again, I'm not American and I know a lot of people are ignorant there. You'll find someone. Just be honest about your desire not to have children and consider getting a vasectomy. This way no woman will ever think she can change your mind and while you should continue to use condoms until you're in a monogamous relationship, if you get a vasectomy you're less likely to accidentally have sex with an irresponsible woman who will choose to have an unwanted children.

pimple

My husband wants to divorce me because i want childfree,should i agree?

i am 44,he 57 ,married 4 years,he said if i dont want child,he decides to divorce because it's not fair for him. He said i am a mentally sick woman,every woman wants child,except me. He said i put my life at risk now to refuse to have child for him.





what is the best way to handle this more peacefully?My husband wants to divorce me because i want childfree,should i agree?
Tell him he was born in the ice age, and welcome his divorce. You are not mentally sick, and no, not ';everyone'; wants one.


Tell him you welcome putting your life at risk and you don't need him. He's thickheaded there is no ';peaceful way';, he's obviously got a huge ego and wants to show it off to the world.My husband wants to divorce me because i want childfree,should i agree?
I guess the real question is did either of you discuss the possibility of having children before you got married, and what were your expectations, and did either or both of you make that known?


If he entered the marriage knowing that you didn't want children, and accepted that, and married anyway, then he is now at fault, because he wants to change the things you two had agreed to, and planned on.


If you knew that he wanted children, and you did not, and you did not tell him, in order to be married anyway, then you were at fault.


If neither of you brought this particular subject up before getting married then you are both at fault, for not having sorted out such a major issue before making the commitment.


Can your marriage get past this? Not if you both feel strongly about your point. It is too big an issue.
I think maybe I wouldn't give him a child, as you both are too old,you need to send him to a shrink, inform him of the facts of life, if we start now, hes 58 when the baby is 1, when the child's 10, and wanting to explore life riding bikes, etc, hes 68, and slowing down preferring to watch football, when the child is 15, in her teens, he is 78, and hasn't a chance of taking her to the fun parks in Queensland, forget Disneyland.He will be far better, to get in the real world, and start booking holidays, to Bali, Fiji, hong kong, where you both can have a ball and enjoy life.


If he is stuck in a groove, it could be a good to to reevaluate your life, and book yourself on a holiday to Bali, and maybe leaving him behind, might make the bum wake up, if not move on
This should have been discussed and resolved before your marriage. If you two can't do counseling, then, you may want to give him his divorce. After all, why would you bring a child into a home where they're half wanted. This would be an unhappy environment to bring a child up, and the marriage would be destroyed anyway before they are grown. Tell him to bring over his niece or nephews or friends kids when he has that farther feeling, and they may help change his mind. At least you can take them back to their parents once he figures out his selfish actions.
Not wanting a child does not make you mentally sick. I know women (and men) who don't want to have children. And that's just fine.





If I was married to someone who considered my lifestyle choices ';mentally sick';, I probably wouldn't want to be married to that person.





How is your relationship otherwise? How do you feel about him? Maybe it's worth trying couple counseling. Maybe counseling could show he can channel his father instinct other ways, such as coaching a sport, mentoring, --- by the way, Big Brother Big Sister organization always needs men who want to be a ';big brother'; to a little child without a good father figure.





And, hey, what's that about saying you put your life at risk? Is he threatening you???
Having children is not for every woman and their is nothing wrong with that. You can't be a good mother to a child you never wanted to have.





You were 40 when he married you. For most women that is too old to start a family for many reasons.





Didn't the two of you talk about having children BEFORE you got married? You should have.





What makes him think that he should have children, when he is 57 years old? When that child is 20 he will be 77.





What does he mean when he says you put your LIFE AT RISK NOW to refuse to have a child for him??? Is he threatening to kill you?





I would think twice about staying with a man who threatens my life in anyway, if I won't give him a child when I'm 44 years old.





Forget about handling this in a more peaceful way. Just run for the hills, girl! You don't need this kind of abuse. Yes this qualifies as abuse.
This is an issue you need to discuss BEFORE you get married.





You're not mentally sick for not wanting to have children. But if he wants children and you don't, then let him go. This is not an issue you can compromise on--you can't have half a child. Either way you go, someone in the relationship will be unhappy.





If you live in the US, he can get a divorce rather you agree to it or not.
First, you are NOT mentally sick. You are doing the right thing to not have a child if you do not want to be a Mother. Second, this is a major conflict of interests in a marriage, and you two probably should go your separate ways. There is, unfortunatly, no compromise on this. There is no ';meet in the middle';.
I am sorry to hear that you both have different opinions when it comes to having children.Only you two know exactly whether you are ready to bring in a new life.It is a serious commitment and decision.If that really matters that much to him, I feel you should let him go,unless you both can reach a really good and reasonable compromise.
Uh? He is mental. Asking a women in her mid forties to bare a child. Totally nuts!


At 44 you actually have a harder time with pregnancy than at an earlier age. (Including your own health) and your child has a higher risk of birth defects.


Furthermore he is dead wrong! Not every woman wants a child. I don't and quite a few of my friends down'
If you don't want a child then you don't want a child. Maybe you should be the one to ask for a divorce since he treats you like a breeding machine. Also at 57 he is also very old to be a father.
If you both have your minds set, then you should probably divorce. This was a discussion best suited before you got married.

Does race really have anything to do with being childfree?

I'm black and childfree by choice. Someone told me that if I don't have kids, the black race will decrease. What the heck?? What does race have to do with being childfree?





Also as a black guy, I prefer to date interracially. If I was to go long-term with a white girl, I wouldn't want kids in the relationship. Not becayse they'll be mixed, I'm just not too crazy about kids. Now I know most women want kids, sadly.








Does race really have anything to do with being childfree and looking for a(n) intimate/long-term relationship with someone of another race but never have kids?Does race really have anything to do with being childfree?
The person who told you that is clearly someone you don鈥檛 need to be listening to.





I suppose if I marry a black woman I am hurting your race as well huh (sarcasm)? I guess that makes me terrible if I love her and treat her like a princess. Shame on me!





The USA is overpopulated, and so is much of Asia, India, and most of Africa. So I don鈥檛 see how you are harming anyone by not having children. Actually someone told me that the birth rate for blacks is much higher in the USA than for whites, so I don鈥檛 think you are doing any harm to your race.





Again why is it a completion? The landfills are full of diapers, the water is polluted and the air is full of smog. Do you think the diapers, water, and air care what color you are? No the Earth is in big trouble, and we are all humans. We are all in trouble regardless of who it is that is making too many babies.Does race really have anything to do with being childfree?
Sweetie,I don't think race has anything to do with it. We have ignorant people of all colrs make comments like that. If whites keeps dating blacks and making kids there will be no more whites and blah blah blah. I'm white and have a black husband with 3 mixed children. There is no such thing as a ';pure'; race. Anyone in America is mixed with something. I'm not sure where you live but its pretty much that way worldwide. I think you're doing the right thing,there are way too many children in this world already who have no parents. Do what makes you happy and shrug off that ignorant statement that anyone says to you.
I don't believe so. There are some people who think that if their race doesn't carry on having kids it could die out. Ok. But to me, if a person wants to stay child-free it's their choice.





I agree with the geneology bit.
I agree with the first part, the second part I just want you to know as a man if you don't have Children you are killing your whole genealogy which is pretty sad but think about it OK my brotha!!!!

Why won't my husband stand up for OUR childfree lifestyle?

Over dinner with my husband last night, I was discussing a trip he will be taking out of the country for his nephew's Christening (Baptism? Whatever, the Catholic one). I'm unable to go, but I told him ';You have fun dodging the inevitable ';when are you going to have kids?'; questions. He told me, ';I've been pretty good at it so far.'; I asked what he meant, and this is the story.





We live about 300 miles away from our hometown, where his parents live. He visits them often, and usually without me because someone has to stay with the cats (they won't let us bring them). Apparently, his parents do keep bringing up the kids questions, and all he replies is, ';We aren't going to have kids.'; His parents say something about, ';Oh, you'll change your mind,'; and he doesn't say anything back. He could easily kill all this by just telling them I had my tubes tied, or even discussing further with them our decision. There's no need for them to keep bothering us about it, or for them to keep wondering. Let them get the disappointment over with already. But, he doesn't.





The thing that worries me is that I'm the one who pretty much decided to be childfree. I told him before we got married that I had no plans to have kids, so if he wanted them then he shouldn't marry me. He said that was okay with him, he didn't much like them anyway. So, I thought we were on the same page. I know his parents think it's all me, and I'm this horrible woman who stole their son and is refusing to give him children.





The thing is, I don't know if I should be annoyed at him for not standing up for me, and what is essentially his decision too because he chose to marry me. Or, if I should be concerned, and take his reluctance to stand up for me, for US, as his silent way of saying he thinks he made a mistake? Why won't he say anything, and how am I supposed to feel about this?Why won't my husband stand up for OUR childfree lifestyle?
He's just avoiding the inevitable. My husband will not tell his mother how he really feels about a lot of the things she says. He feels that she won't be around forever, so why upset her. He really is NOT anything like that with me! I know his every opinion. I think it's just a mom and son thing. As far as how you should feel, no one can tell you how to feel, all you can do is react appropriately to those feelings. If you've already told him to say something to his mom, and he won't, then don't worry about it. If they say something to you about it, tell them that both of you discussed it before you got married, and you both agreed. Emphasize BOTH so they'll get the hint. Otherwise, just let them wish and hope. Those are their feelings and they can't help them either.Why won't my husband stand up for OUR childfree lifestyle?
Perhaps he doesn't say anything more than ';We aren't going to have kids.'; because he doesn't feel any need to justify his position to his parents or any one else? That ';that is it, end of discussion';?
parents always want grandkids to spoil. you could always tell them yourself that you aren't having any kids if it really bugged you. and he tells them that you aren't having kids so i don't see what the problem is.
i think you are blowing this out of proportion. it doesn't seem to me that they are attacking you or him.





they are just being parents.





he says, you two don't plan on having kids.





what else do you want, lady?
As a 43-year old man with two teen boys who are almost off to college, I can sympathize just a teeny bit with their disappointment. Children are amazing things - they make me feel immortal, as if some of my hard work and way of looking at life will endure through them.





But, you absolutely have a 100% right to your own point of view. This shouldn't be a point of debate at all. This is just a guess - but I think your husband might be having doubts. Men don't like to argue if they aren't solidly behind the argument - they'd rather just leave it alone. You might need to discuss this with him, to make sure he's on the same page still.
Stop making such a big deal out of this. He probably just doesn't want to get into a big old hassle about it. I know from experience that sometimes its best just to let family members think what they're gonna think. After all, it sounds like it's like it's HIM they're nagging, not YOU. Then, he's got YOU giving him a bad time about not wanting to argue about it. It's not like he's pressuring YOU to get pregnant, so don't worry about it.





It's not really up to you or him to change his family. After all, there are worse things they could be doing, and I think you are being overly sensitive.
You sound pretty sure about your mind regarding this. He probably says nothing to you because of that. I think he's probably thinking he made a mistake, especially if he never thought of giving up having children before you told him you didn't want any. Does he have nieces and nephews? Do his best old friends have children? He's probably feeling like he does want children but doesn't know how to tell you or if he should tell you at all. I don't think you should be annoyed, he has a mind and heart instead or rocks, if he changed his mind is not because he decided to go against you. I say you rather talk to him and forget about the parents because just as you feel they influence them, they feel you influence their son and be honest, you probably do. Find out your husband's mind, be sensitive to his needs and open to his right to change his mind. It might not be any easy for him, he probably thinks he could loose you over this issue...Good luck.
Your body. Your choice. Why don't YOU be the big girl here and just tell them YOURSELF? I guess I don't see the big monster-ish problem here.


If they don't know they are NEVER going to be grandparents by YOU, of course they're going to keep dropping hints. The next time they say something within earshot of you; take your poor husband off the friggin hook and just TELL THEM ALREADY -- end of story.





Whether or not they like you is another issue altogether, but THIS problem is one you can just be done with.
this issue has little to do with you and him or him and his parents. this issue is between YOU and his parents. the fact that you use the cat as an excuse to stay home when he visits (and it's just an excuse and a lousy one at that) tells the whole story. you are in conflict with their belief system and you haven't given up the battle. you want HIM to so all of the dirty work here while you hide at home, and on top of that you want to blame HIM for ';not standing up for you'; which you know is bunk.





you will have to deal with this yourself as it's YOUR problem and NOT his.
He probably just doesn't want to deal with the big scene that he knows they are going to start when they find out you had your tubes tied! Not that I can say I blame him, but they are going to find out sooner or later anyway! Might as well just get it over with.
Did you guys get married kind of young? That sounds like the issue. You can be okay with that kind of decision at one point and then change your mind. Maybe he wanted kids and thought he'd be able to change you or that y'all could adopt and this is his way of telling you?





I would just tell him how you feel.
I am child-free and had a vasectomy at the age of 21. I have discovered that keeping my mouth shut is the best thing when it comes to my child-free status. You should do the same unless you just plan want to be hated. He is avoiding a pointless confrontation that would likely end his relationship with them. Trust me I know all about this.





I was the one fixed in several of my relationships that were slit by pressure from my in-laws. Parents that want to be grandparents do not accept the child-free lifestyle.
in a Catholic family/marriage you are to have children. his parents are already disappointed enough knowing that he tells them - we aren't having children. that is like a slap in the face to them.


is he to spit in their face too? by telling the you've had your tubes tied, you are doing just that. since you aren't the one who has to face them -- your cats are obviously more important that family - don't worry about it. your husband is handling it quite well.





obviously he loves his parents very much and doesn't want to disappoint them even more. it's called respect.
There's no reason for you not to travel together because of cats, there are places you can leave them you know. I had a well trained, very beloved predigree g.s. dog and I have left him at appropriate kennels. Some vets have facilities for them. It seems to me infants do matter to your husband he's going all that way to be at the baptism.[infant baptism isn't even biblical but that's another story]


Sounds like he comes from a very family oriented background. He also may feel diferently as time goes by-he may feel in a few years he's missing out on things. I would travel with him if I were you--keeping you home because of cats is a flimsy, foolish excuse for him to go 'home' alone. Worse case scenerio-someday in the future-he gets a young girl pregnant. He'll say 'she doesn't mean a thing to me! I agreed WE wouldn't have kids but this was an 'accident'.' Sounds unlikely? but life happens.
ease up, he doesnt want to disappoint his parents, and then he is in conflict with not disappointing you. sounds like a man stuck in the middle. dont keep putting him there.


let them think whatever, and you two should enjoy your own lives.
Ironic but its disheartening to disappoint parents. Even though we do it mostly all the time. I think its better to just not say anything. They're not going to change their mind and thinking...and just to avoid an argument. Its not like he's not standing up for u. But the way his parents seem like...they seem pretty stubborn. Stubborn people can't be dealt with by talking back to them lol it'll end up into a brawl.





I know from my parents. If I say one thing to my mom that she don't wanna hear or listen. She'll fire back for hours with stupid stupid irritating voice...so just not saying anything and walking away is the best way. Haha. Yea thats my reason. Give him the benefit of the doubt.
Well he is telling them that you have decided not to have children, so I wouldn't say he isn't sticking up for you at all. He's probably just trying to avoid the aggravation of getting into an endless argument about it with his family. If it continues to bother you then just talk to him about it and see what his thoughts are on the subject.
Maybe he is just reluctant to tell his folks the truth because it will hurt and mystify them. Being Catholic, this may be a majjor blow to them and he just doesn't have the courage. I don't think it's really a matter of standing up for you it's deeply disappointing his parents . Of course this isn't fair to her, if grandchildren are not to be, he should tell them now or rather should have told them when you had your tubes tied. Thet could have taken her a lot easier then, now they also have his lies of ommission to contend with too.You need to talk to him, not about standing up for you, but the effect this is having on his parents and how much more unfair it becomes as time goes on. Does he tell his friends that you have had your tube ties, when they ask about when you'll have children. If so, maybe he finds it hard to talk about personal things. Whatever his reason he is being disrespectful to his parents. Both of you should go to a marriage counselor and get to the bottom of whatever is keeping him from telling them the truth. The news really needs to come from her, if you tell them they will blame you even more.

Why are parents so rude and judgemental towards the childfree?

Everytime, I ask why people wants and I don't want them, people always say I'll change my mind and all that. They always try to f**k with my mind, trying to discourage me from being childfree forever, which is why I'll more likely do.





I'm 19 moving to 20, I won't change my mind because I'm very uncomfortable around kids. For what these parents' criticisms, they've gained my strong hatred for them.





So, why are parents so rude and judgemental towards childfree people? Why do they always tell childfree people how to live their lives?





PS: I'd rather be single than put up with baby momma drama and the stress of kids. Most childfree people are single, right?Why are parents so rude and judgemental towards the childfree?
You don't have to explain anything to anyone, nor do you have to prove anything to anyone. I tell people that I don't want kids because I want to live life for myself.





To me that statement explains everything. I like being #1 in my life. I love my freedom. You can't put a price on freedom. It doesn't matter if you will change your mind because you're childfree right now. You might or you might not. Time will prove that one.





I'm 25. Childfree. Like another poster here said, she's religious about birth control, hehe, so am I. I've learned to ignore people, and live my happy go lucky life. If you want to win when you get into these heated arguments, try not to be rude, try not to get all angry and red faced.





Say your beliefs in a calm voice. They want to get you riled up, the way to win is to stay calm and keep a smile on your face. At least that is how I deal with rude customers at work. It works with other people as well.Why are parents so rude and judgemental towards the childfree?
your language skills are lacking. most people i know aren't rude and judgemental about much of anything, perhaps your attitude rubs people the wrong way! with your inability to even put your question in the right category, with your anger and your attitude, your 'strong hatred', your foul language, and your spelling, i would strongly suggest you don't have children - you should probably go get a vasectomy - soon - we don't need replicas of fools running around!
So young and rude, and yes its great to be childfree. Especially at 20 and untill you get school and your career started. But The only reason why other people may tell you that you may change your mind is because their is many people that do and many whom said i will never have children or get married!! So get over yourself and just have fun being 20 and stop worrying about what other people say!!
What the heck does this have to do with weddings?





Parents are stuck and they want you to be stuck too. Children are a lifetime committment and if you aren't prepared for that, you shouldn't have kids. You never know, you're only 20, you might change your mind, but don't let someone change it for you.
It probably goes both ways. Each group is rude to the other, who knows who started it? Not ALL people who have/want children tell those who don't how to live their lives. I want children more than anything yet I really don't care if someone doesn't want kids, it has nothing to do with my life.





P.S. ';payback'; is not a very mature concept.
They are probably rude because a part of them wants to be child-free again.





However, your post is very judgmental and rude too...





I know a few married people that are child-free and intend on staying that way...but we're in our mid-twenties so things may change.
I'm getting married and we plan to be child free.





I don't have a maternal bone in my body and my fiance doesn't want to bring kids into the messed up world we live in.
Wow dude - take your issues to the parenting section of Yahoo! Answers and leave the wedding section alone. Also, I'd suggest reading your Bible for some anger management therapy. Deal with your issues on your own.
Maybe they are rude because you are so angry. Who cares what others think? If you don't want kids then don't have them.





Also, why is this in weddings??
Everyone knows exactly what they want out of life by the time they鈥檙e 20 and never changes their minds.. *eye roll*
Maybe some people actually like kids.. *gasp* the world must be coming to an end!
Children suck.
Well, I think that maybe later in your life you will want kids. Right now I'm 20 as well and I don't want kids at all. In fact I'm so religious about my birth control, it's insane. Just because I don't EVER want to slip up.





I think your paternal instincts might kick in a little later in your life. Kids are a joy... but they're a lot of work too..





Don't poo poo parents, otherwise you wouldn't be here yourself :)
It may be because you are basically a child still. You're 19 and being thickheaded.





If you weren't afraid that you may change your mind then you wouldn't get so upset about what people say.





For the past 4.5 years I have heard it all because my husband and I have only one child and that is all we want. They constantly tell me that I will want more. I just ignore them and move the conversation on.





That's the difference between you and me - the level of maturity. I don't let it get to me.





When I was 19 I, too, didn't want any baby momma drama or the stress of kids. I was too young to be interested in anything that held too much responsibility. Then I grew up and 7 years later I popped out a kid, which has been drama free.
I know lots of childfree married people...I'm one of them! So are my sister and 4 out of my 6 brothers! We figure with 8 of us, we all got so sick of each other we just wanted some peace and quiet the rest of our lives! Parents tell their kids how to live their lives in all sorts of ways...they think it's their right and their duty. So you can either ignore them or come up with a pat line like ';I'm not interested in being a mom, I'll leave that to the women who really feel a need for children.'; Repeat as necessary and eventually they'll shut up.
Most of the people I know who have kids didn't plan them, and so I think there is still a part of people that wish the responsibilities weren't there, a feeling of missing out on not having to answer to anyone, or take care of anyone.





The older I get the more I want to have kids, but am not in the right place in my life, but I spent a good deal of time thinking I may never have them.





I suspect that most parents are rude to you because they see you as insulting their way of life, and their families, which they love very much. When you go against what society sees as the ';right thing to do';, you are often labeled and ostracized.





My advice would be to keep your opinions to yourself, and refuse comment when confronted.
I have been where you are.





To give you some background, I'm 41, female, and childfree (and married--so there are married CF people too!).





In my twenties I went through a little bit of a militant phase, a lot of childfree people do, where you let people know your stand on (not) having kids. When I was 20 I got the ';when you grow up and become more mature, you'll change your mind'; bingo too...and when I was 30...and 35...and now I get ';it's not too late!'; But I'm female, and to be female and say you don't want kids is a much bigger blasphemy than when a man says it. :-) Remember, society sees having kids as a responsible and mature thing to do. You probably see the news, so you can judge for yourself whether all parents are ';responsible'; and ';mature';. Also, a lot of people follow that life script to the letter without putting any thought into what they want out of life: got my degree--check. Got a decent job? Check. Spouse? Yep. Guess it's time to have kids!





So when you put it out there like that (indeed, even if you are just unapologetic about your decision), yeah, parents are going to be aggressive back because they feel like they, and their choices, are being personally attacked. And to a certain extent, maybe they are. Not that that's all bad, it's good to broaden peoples' horizons and let them know there are other ways of living one's life.





Eventually your CFness becomes part of who you are and you mellow out. You'll learn how to deal with the stupid narrow-minded comments (the ';bingos';), but sometimes people will ask you questions out of genuine curiosity, and that's where you can advance (y)our cause.





So live your life, pursue your dreams, and be happy. Remember--living well is the best revenge!
Why are you letting them get to you???





My grandmother's been bugging me about getting married since I was 20... I'm almost 35 and she still asks me almost everytime I talk to her on the phone. Everytime I'd answer.. ';I don't know';. Or ';first I have to have a victim I mean boyfriend grandma';, and I'd laugh. Until very recently I didnt have someone I really thought I could marry and be with forever. And I wasn't going to rush into anything just to satisfy my grandmother's need for me to be married. It wasnt until recently I started telling her... soon... because I actually DID find someone I want to marry! All that time though I never got pissed at her, lost my temper or anything. I just answered her... it was no big deal. And trust me, she's pushy!





You have to understand.. parents or grandparents hope that we experience all the wonderful happy things that THEY enjoyed too. Maybe your parents were very happy to have kids (as ungrateful as some of them may have turned out), and they don't want you to miss out on that. My grandmother wanted me to be married so I could experience the ';joy'; of being married. I can't hate her for that no matter how much she bugged me about it...





You shouldn't hate your parents for wanting you to be happy even if it's by their standards. If you think it'll make them leave you alone, next time tell them ';you'll see';. A very vague and ambigious answer.. because it doesnt say whether or not you're having kids. They'll assume you changed your mind and mean yes... when you really mean ';no you'll see that I'll never have kids';.





Bottom line... just live your life the way you want to... childfree. And don't let them get to you. If you let something THIS simple get to you, I can only imagine what's in store for you in the future. Good luck!

Does race really have anything to do with being childfree?

I'm black and childfree by choice. A while ago, a family member told me that if I don't have kids, the black race will decrease. What the hell?? What does race have to do with being childfree?





Also as a black guy, I find white girls more attractive and if I were to have a intimate/long-term relationship with one, I never want kids in the relationship, just the two of us. No prejudice involved, but I'm not too crazy about kids. Now I know most women want kids, sadly.








Does race really have anything to do with being childfree and looking for a(n) intimate/long-term relationship with someone of another race but never have kids?Does race really have anything to do with being childfree?
Well I am a black women and in my opinion race has nothing to do with being '; child-free '; ( smh, lol )..I think it was foolish for your family to say something as dramatic as the race will cease if YOU don't have any children..There are plenty of blacks who are willing to have children. I don't see how finding white women attractive is even an issue. Why mention it. That is your personal choice and nobody cares. You are free to make you own decisions in life.Does race really have anything to do with being childfree?
well i don't know where you live but in the uk you are wayyy more likely to find a white woman who doesn't want kids as opposed to a black woman.





i can't imagine not having kids! but gd luck with that!
I don't have kids, yet. As for your attraction to white girls, I hope it is about love and not stereotypes.
That have nothing to do with race lots of different race don't want kids
No, one or two people aren't gonna make a difference. There's still plenty of people in all races who have kids.
Im a white woman and i dont want kids
No...my cousin is a white female and doesn't want kids...they're just not for her.
I like will smith....he raps happy....:)

Do you parents think it's fair that we childfree have to make up for your lack of working?

I post this on behalf of my husband, who is too polite (and Canadian) to say anything about it. Where he works, there is a big deadline looming in the next few months. Everyone has been working long hours to try to get the product out on time. So, I wasn't shocked when he said he had to work memorial day.





I was shocked; however, to find out he was one of the few people who had to come into work. Apparently, the people with ';families'; were conveniently not asked to come in. How uncool is that?! We ARE a family, a family of 2! And, maybe we would have liked to have spent that time together. Why are we getting punished because we have chosen to not have kids?! Do you all as parents really think this if fair treatment of the childfree?Do you parents think it's fair that we childfree have to make up for your lack of working?
I've been in this position before, and it is not fair. He needs to speak up about it. I worked at a company that tried to do ';mandatory overtime'; but all of the people with kids managed to get excused from it- and the rest of us complained, so they changed the policy. Mandatory holiday work should be on a rotating basis- everyone should have to suffer through it equally, kids or not.Do you parents think it's fair that we childfree have to make up for your lack of working?
Did you and your husband have plans for the holiday? Maybe they meant people with plans. I'm sure they did not mean to discriminate based on who had kids and who did not. Just have him speak to his supervisor about having the next holiday off, which would be fair.
Sounds like you should be taking your anger and bitterness out on your husband's company, not those of us who are blessed with children. I've never worked for companies with that policy and neither has my husband.Pretty ignorant to make such a blanket statement huh?
Contact the labor board in your state regarding not being paid for a company approved day off. i.e. he got paid for the holiday, but he did not get paid additionally for actually working that day.
Of course it's not fair, but don't blame parents...blame your husband's employer! I hope he will get compensated for his overtime!
take it up with the management, there is nothing we can do. yeah it sucks....sorry, everyone shouldve just gotten off then.
I agree that it isn't fair. Everyone should share the workload equally.
He needs to speak up about it.NOW. dont wait a second, not a minute, not a day
Well, I think you are completely biased here. My husband and I both often work weekends and holidays and have two children and one on the way. We are both salary (he's US military) and I even have a home office, so for us there is no set time off. If I have work to do I'll be downstairs in my office at 2 in the morning. So to answer the question, the boat rocks both ways.





BTW* I'm assuming he's Canadian and working in the States, because last time I checked I don't think Canadians get Memorial Day. I believe you just had Victoria day and then have Rememberence day in November...
i know the feeling. my fiance is a tattoo artist, and he rarely gets off work, for anything. christmas and thanksgiving is about it, and it sucks. we are a family too, but, his boss doesnt seem to care. as all the other tattoo shops were closed monday, they were working all day, and not one single costomer came in. in my case, it wouldnt do any good to talk to his boss, b/c his boss is a jerk, but, maybe if you two took it up with his boss, maybe it would work. if not, then i say go higher up in the chain of command. and it is unfair for you two. everyone deserves to be together on holidays

pimple

Why don't a majority of people understand childfree people?

Now I've asked about this topic in the past about me not wanting kids and why girls do want them. And I've gotten a lot of nonsense from people (mostly parents or wannabes) telling I'm too young (19) and I'll change my mind.





Has it ever occured to them that some childfree guys don't like/hate children at all, they're very uncomfortable around kids, childfree people had a rough childhood, and kids aren't for them? Have people ever thought that?





So why don't a majority of people, mostly parents or wannabes, understand childfree people? Can't they understand the reasons I've noted above?





PS: I do wish more people would understand that, and girls in my group too.Why don't a majority of people understand childfree people?
Because they think it's a ';requirement'; of marriage. When in fact it is not. There is more to being married than just adding kids to it. 2 People CAN Be a family. We are living proof of that, and have been married 12 HAPPY Years.Why don't a majority of people understand childfree people?
When I was 19 I felt the same way. I even thought babies were ugly in all honesty. I'm still only 23 right now and I've changed my mind and I'm one of those who will coo at infants haha.


My older sister is 39 and married, but still doesn't want kids. I totally understand that; having kids is a big undertaking, theyre not friggin pet rocks or something.


So for you to say you don't want to take on the huge responsibility of taking care of another human being - I can relate and I understand
Many people desire to live on in someway. The closest thing for most is the passing on of DNA. Those who live on through their work alone go against this grain. They do not have a way to make their work their lasting effect on Earth so they cannot understand childfree people.
I've never want to have kids either. But when i got married, we just decided to have. I do respect your choice tho. I dont think people who dont want to have kids should have kids anyway ..no matter whats the reason behide it.

Why do some parents always try to convince childfree people that they're missing out on something?

More than once have I seen some answerers say things like:





1. Childfree women have ';bought into the lie'; that career is better than family. This implies that we didn't arrive at this conclusion ourselves.


2. Childfree women will regret never hearing someone say to them, ';I love you, Mommy.'; This implies that we didn't already know that!


3. Childfree women will die alone with nothing to do. So what?





I say women because, according to recent observations, they're more likely to be attacked for not wanting kids than their male counterparts.





I'm sure these people mean well, but what are they trying to accomplish by saying these things to people who have already made up their minds? Don't childfree people deserve as much support for their choices as parents do?Why do some parents always try to convince childfree people that they're missing out on something?
Maybe because, as parents ourselves, we know what it's like to have kids, and we like it so much that we feel like they're missing out on something awesome by not having kids? I can't speak for others, but that's how I feel about it.





It isn't that I think you don't know this stuff or have been brainwashed into the choice....I'm just talking. I don't know what I'm trying to accomplish beyond sharing the ';other side';. : ) And you do have my support - trust me, I am hugely in favour of people not having kids if they know they don't want them! That's a very responsible thing to do. Too many people have kids and don't care for them. I'd much rather see someone stay childfree than have kids they didn't want.





';And don't they realize that someone who doesn't want to be a parent, doesn't deserve to be a parent?';





No. It isn't a matter of deserve versus not deserve. Lots of parents technically don't deserve it - you know, the ones who abuse and neglect their kids, even though they wanted to be parents. It's more a matter of should and shouldn't. If you don't want kids, you shouldn't have any, for their sake as well as yours.Why do some parents always try to convince childfree people that they're missing out on something?
The reproductive instinct is a strong one, but obviously effects different people to varying degrees. People who find the instinct irresistable have a hard time wrapping their heads around people who reject, or just don't feel it.





Regardless, parenthood is NOT for everyone, anyone who doesn't want to have kids shouldn't. It's the people who don't want to (or shouldn't) have kids, but have them anyway, who are far more disconcerting...
'And don't they realize that someone who doesn't want to be a parent, doesn't deserve to be a parent?' - I would agree, but I would change it to 'someone who doesn't want to be a parent, has the highest possibilities of not being a good parent'. That's unfair to the kids and the society.





However, I don't see parents trying to 'convince' childfree people what they're missing, at least on GWS.





Next !
As a man who has said my whole life that I do not want kids and have been attacked innumerable times for it, the phrase ';You just hate children'; has been said to me many times.





I think it is a defense mechanism, the attackers can not comprehend that they made have made a mistake and being a parent is not what they were led to believe it would be.





Misery loves company.
Yes they fail to mention that there are people in the world that genuinely regret the decision to become a parent. That is one regret I would hate to experince, and how sad for the child!





Saying you've bought into a lie is to say that you are too stupid to think for yourself. I prefer to give women more credit than that.
They really do romanticize parenthood.





I've had children and had a time as an adult being child-free, and I'm back to being 'child free' as my sons are adults.





The child that says 'I love you mommy' will often say 'I hate you mommy' as well. Theirs just haven't reached that stage. Toddlers are cuddly, preteens not so much...... Even people with children die alone. Your job as a parent is too give your children the skills to be able to live life without you.
I COMPLETELY AGREE with Martillo. If you decide not to have children than deal with the majority of people NOT understanding. Thats just how it goes. I feel that people who get so worked up about ';breeders'; asking them questions are people that feel that they are possibly missing out on not having children. Otherwise they would feel secure with their own decision and not care about what other people think. Just my opinion!
To be frank this is only offensive to those women who have a secret regret or fear of regret about being childless. If a woman is genuinely happy being childless she won't care what people say.
I think it's just because they really really love their kids. It's the greatest love that exists. Some people however are incapeable of that love or just not made to be parents. Be true to yourself.
I doubt most people in reality try to ';convince'; people to have children, but technically, 'childfree' people are missing out on having children. That's...common sense...
They are only looking at the world through their perspective. If they took the time to try to view things your way, they might understand better and respect your decision.
I am way happier with woman admitting they dont want kids and sticking to it than woman having kids that they never really wanted and then doing a shitty job raising them.
its the same as everything else (you don't think like them) there for your wrong!


very selfish


don't let it get to you!


:)
Because they're being honest.





However, those that do not wish to become parents should indeed not have children. Lousy.
Because they are trying to convince themselves that they have done the right thing.
People with children have been without - and they know the difference.
I hate kids and women.
You are missing out. But you would never hear me say that.
so they do not have to suffer alone
I am childless by choice and generally, I have found that the people who make such comments fall into one of two categories:





1. The ';Sweet Grandmotherly'; Type


This person genuinely means well, but is so closed-minded that she can't understand that other people might not want the same things out of life as her. She has children, often who are now grown; and raising her children was the greatest joy of her life. She tries to convince younger women to have children because she doesn't want them to be deprived of the same joy. However, she fails to realize that what brought her joy may not necessarily be a good decision or fit for other people.





2. The ';Misery Loves Company'; type


This woman most likely didn't think carefully of all the changes that would come when having a baby. She may have rushed into having a baby too soon, and now regrets it. However, she doesn't want to admit that she regrets having a baby because then people would think that she doesn't love her children. So instead, she deals with her frustration by attacking the childfree and telling them they ought to change their minds. She feels that it's ';unfair'; that she has to change diapers, wake up at 3am to feed her baby, spend money on clothes, toys, day care, and someday college, and clean up after her kids when her childfree friends do not. She usually has the attitude that the childfree are lazy, irresponsible, and selfish for not wanting children. However, she fails to realize that it's even more selfish to have a baby when you know you won't be a responsible parent. Every child deserves to have parents who geniunely wanted them; not parents who had them ';because that's what married people are supposed to do.';
There is not guarantee the child will ever love the parent. There is no guarantee the child will be there in the parents end of life stages.





I'll offer another POV. Maybe it isn't so much about parents wanting those who are childfree to experience all that is wonderful about kids. It could be more like they are working so hard at it with no free time to themselves, they are a little jealous at the extra free time/money a childfree person has. Much like the envoy of those without money have of those ';rich'; people. They would rather see the ';rich'; be poor like them. Misery loves company. Thumbs down if you agree!
I'm not one of those now. Originally yes i'll admit to having some of those thought processes. But i've come to realize that child-free is a good thing, because with overpopulation, we need more people such as yourselves. You justify me having three kids, because I wouldn't sacrifice my line (ya thats right my line) for humanity, call me selfish.





But one way you folks shoot yourselves in the foot is you realize that the majority of us ';breeders'; as you like to call us (which is an insult), were obviously child-free at one point, so we know where your at, because we were there. But you guys try to comment on our situation and it comes off as purely ignorant and even childish. Being pooped on or puked on, I mean come on. You folks do sound pretty foolish when you say that. But know this, you guys chose the easy road, we've got the harder road, so it's easy for us to get on our soapbox. Are we better than you, of course not, but we do know more, as we've been on both sides of the fence. So it's best if you guys just not comment on our situation, because you have no idea whatsoever.


No offense, I'm just being honest





Rio-don't get all jacked up, you're actually the only one who's opinion on it I actually respect because you don't attack, but you asked a question and I gave you an honest answer. If you can't handle the answer dont ask alright.
I'll never know.





Just in the past few days a guy I'm recently friends with who I just talked to about not having kids (after him *asking* me if I don't have any because me and my boyfriend ';can't'; medically ';or what'; haha) told me why everyone *should* have kids.





Stuff you mentioned and more. He also said, ';They raise themselves after the first couple years, pretty much.';





I was like, ';Even at that, a few years is too much for me...pretty sure it's more like 20 years though'; o_O
I think that if a person doesn't want to be a parent or doesn't have what it takes to be a good parent such as a weak personality, immaturity, not enough finance (yes, money matters!), no committed spouse, etc.., then it would be a crime bringing a child into the world. People have this weird idea about life being incomplete without kids. Their first thoughts would be ';you'll die all lonely'; or ';what will ppl say!'; or even ';she's gonna leave a meaningless life';. People who say that are simply idiotic! I mean you're the one living your life, therefore, you should live it the way you want to without being tied up to what society think or what some idiotic people say. If a person wants to have kids and has what it takes to be a good parent and is able to give love then that's great. If he doesn't want to that's great too. There are maaaany things in life other than starting a family out that are waiting for you.

When would be the best time for a childfree man to look for the right one?

When would be the best age for a childfree man to find a childfree woman and have an intimate relationship?





I'm thinking around the 30s. What do you think is the best age to find a CF woman?





Women under 30, esp. around my age, pretty much don't know what they want and most are struck on having children, something I never want.








Please don't tell me I'll change, I'm too young (I'm not a teen), or that I'm selfish. I've had enough of those remarks.When would be the best time for a childfree man to look for the right one?



Well that one hits home, I never wanted any children either, and my wife told me the same thing when we got married. But of course after we got married things changed. Well three years into the marriage, a ski trip, hot tub, wine and I forgot to take my pill (after the deed was done), and I became a father.





Don't get me wrong I don't regret it, children add a whole new dimension to your life. However, what I did do was pay a visit to the doctor, and took control of the situation myself. You can bet now, that when I say I don't want any children, I'm not having any more.





Just be sure that the women really doesn't want to have any. Those maternal instincts can be very strong.When would be the best time for a childfree man to look for the right one?
The best time is NOW. There are lots of women out there. Find her before she marries someone else because she may not want kids like you, but people change depending on who they marry.





I know very mature women under 30 that know what they want and don't want. Some of these women are ambitious professionals. When you generalize, you are cheating yourself from possible opportunities.





Don't look for a particular age, just look for the right woman for you. You have principles and values that you have every right to stick to as long as they work for you. Don't worry about the odds. They are still in your favor (I mean women still out-number men).





Believe she is out there waiting for you and you will find her.






you aren't selfish because you know what you want, that is smart; late 20's, 30's, 40's........I have several friends that chose not to have children, they met eventual spouses that didn't want to have children either...it can work perfectly.





the older they are, the more they know who they are and what they want;
well not all woman want kids.its obvious you don't.even though most guys and woman want children in the future there are woman out there that don't want them like you.but they are rare and hard to find.which means your chances of getting into a relationship is way off the scale ,but not impossible.good luck!
Anytime! In the past childfree women have been hard to find. Today I think they are a lot more common.





I date on the internet. I put my profile up only a week ago. I have heard form a lot of childfree women. I have also heard from a lot that think childfree means I am childless and want children.



Why do you need to find the right one, what's wrong with the ';next one';, just look at the questions on here. Do you ever see single people saying ';how can I spice up my boring sex life?';, hell no you don't, thats because being single isn't boring, marriage is!
Well that just depends on the child free woman that you meet. make it clear and tell her from the beginning and discuss this with her just in case she is looking for something else. there are many people out there who dont want kids. maybe you will find her IF ITS MEANT TO BE





good luck
Your right 30 would be the right age to look for a child free woman but to found one at that age without a child in my opinion will be next to impossible.
I think you need to look for women who have no kids, and trust me there are many women who don't want to have kids or haven't yet. They are various ages
anytime when hes ready?

Why do people feel that people who are childfree had bad childhoods?

I don't want to have children because i don't want them; i prefer peace, quiet, disposable income, and no clutter. Not because i had a bad mother (which is INSULTING, i love my mom). not because i hate children (not a big fan of babies, but pretty indifferent to children and there's a ton of them in my life) not because i have some mental illness or disease that i don't want to pass down. I just don't want children, human, cat, dog or otherwise. Sorry about the rant, but does anyone feel this way too?Why do people feel that people who are childfree had bad childhoods?
I feel what you're saying because I don't want kids either, because I don't like them that much at all. People around us are very ignorant.





Its rediculous that so many people of the younger generation wants kids. They're making it impossible for us to find a relationship with one who don't.





I'm childfree by choice and I must admit, I had a rough childhood.Why do people feel that people who are childfree had bad childhoods?
I don't want children either (I'm 17 so that might change but I doubt it).


I guess they just think that if you don't want children there MUST be something wrong with you, like you were bullied in school or you hate children but it's just a personal choice, it's not like I tell people to stop having children, I don't see why they're judgmental.
I have one sister so I want to have as many children as possible .My father has eight brothers and sisters my mother has six .


My point is if you grow up with a lot of children you will want fewer children or none at all,but if you grow up with only one brother or sister you will want to have more children.





I don't think there is something wrong with not having children.


It is a personal decision and should not be taken lightly.It is better to have them unwittingly and raise them without the care they deserve.
It's ridiculous isn't it? What a silly assumption. I would have a perfectly good life with or without children. I don't have any and it is likely that I will not have any in the future. It's very common in...I hate to say it.. ';the(conservative) black community'; for people without children to be criticized. I love animals though and I think that fifty of them would make me happy. :D
I am 35 and I've been married for 9 years (she's 27). I don't want kids. Ever. I like kids. I know I'd be a good father. I just don't want or feel the need to have kids.


One of my sisters has 4, the other 1, my mom had 3.


I had a great childhood and adult life, so far.


When I think of having a child, I think of nothing.





I also wanted to add:


I think deep down, my wife wants children. I think it may end in divorce sooner or later because of this.
I agree with you also!!! Some women just think the only way to complete happiness is through kids. I feel some people know if they want children and others know if they dont want children. It dosnt make you a bad person. everytime I say I dont want kids people gasp and say omg why??? because I dont!!!! I always say it's my body I dont want kids but than you get your selfish that is the best one. than they say as you get older you'll change your mind i'm 21 and still nope no thank you. I dont want all the noise and the troubel either I want to come and go as I please and be with my husband. Who cares what people think it's your choice and your body!!! I agree with you!!!! I agree with the first person you said it perfect you go girl!!!!!!


P.S. Do you ever get this question how can you imagine your life with out children??? I'm like easily I never had them so how could I picture my life with them????
It is a dumb stereotype. I get the same thing. I did have a tuff childhood because I was living in poverty. But I am not a typical childfree person.





Actually I have researched this. Almost all child-free people had to babysit for their younger siblings or cousins. They finished parenting when they were about 12.





I don't know any child-free people that hate children. I get along with children better than most parents do. I just have no room for them in my life.





Cheers.
Yes. Me and my husband have been childfree by choice for 12 years. Still going strong. That's not to say that we are kid ogres. We donate a LOT of our money, gifts, and time to children's hospices, Toys for Tots, Teddy Care, and 2 spoiled Niece and Nephew. BUT we like our Peace and Quiet (It's nice to come home from our Brother in Law's House to our nice quiet home after an evening of screaming children)...we enjoy our quiet times together, and do not feel bad about our decision. And yes, I had a wonderful childhood...and that has led me to being extremely generous to charity. That is as far as I've taken it. I am not the ';motherly type';, and have never babysat a day in my young life. Babies aren't for everyone, you have a right to your own decision.
yes i am 23 and guys cant believe i dont have kids because all females around here has at lease one or 2 or even more kids then that by now. All of my friends has kids. I like kids but i dont want any right now i want to have fun and have time to myself before i have a child. And these days MEN dont stick around and i am not going to make a man be there for his own child. So i rather just wait and if i dont have any when i am older so be it. I dont have to have a child to keep a man and i dont have to have a child to be happy!!!
I don't feel that way(I have kids). But I don't think that way about people who don't want kids. I know more than a few people, even ones that are in relationships and married that don't want or have, and they are totally happy. And they grew up in way better circumstances than me. I feel u.
at least you are being true to yourself, i only had one in comparison to my mother's many, but if i had waited i could have been around niece and nephews. i thought that day would never come, so i headed off having the first. i didn't bring any more into this world though
I did have a bad childhood, some people have worse childhoods, but its played in part of some of my decision. But so what? Nothing is written in stone. Another reason why is because I like being #1 in my life, I want to live life for myself as much as possible.





I think that comes from being an only child too. I like my freedom and I cherish it, I couldn't give it up to take care of another human being. I'm also not a big fan of babies. It doesn't matter sometimes how you explain it to people, sometimes human beings don't want to understand, they think that being a certain way is the right way and anyone who doesn't follow is ';wrong.';





You just have to go on living your life, at the end of the day you have to be satisfied with your decisions. I also don't have a pet because I would have to take care of it much like I would a child. I would need to take it to the vet, make sure it socializes with other pets so its not lonely, they're also time consuming.





Also choosing to be cf is not the norm. You're not being a follower, you're doing your own thing. So you'll get judged for that but like I said to ignore those people. You can't live life for society, you have to live it for yourself.

Why do people always make these excuses to childfree people?

From what I've experienced, people (mostly parents or hopefuls) always said...





';You're too young to be making this decision';


';Who will take care of your when you're older?';


';Children are a blessing and a gift in marriage';


';If you want to get married, then be prepared to have children';


';No girl/guy would want you if you don't want kids or went permanantly sterile';


';After you go permanantly sterile, you will regret it';





The the question is, why the f' do these people always make these lame excuses to childfree people? Also, can parents really be considered a CF person's worst nightmare and enemy?Why do people always make these excuses to childfree people?
I think mothers are the worst. My mom and my fiance's mom keeps bugging us about kids. Neither one of us wants kids. Sure I hear occasionally from my friends how kids are so great and I should have one and then I list all the reasons to them why I don't....I hate crying and weird smells and how they constantly need you and how I don't want my body to get all stretched out and gross looking and money and my lack of patience (hey, at least I'm honest). I'm just too selfish of a person and they should be happy and not nagging that I don't have a kid. I would be a horrible mother!Why do people always make these excuses to childfree people?
Great Q... the answer to your Q is just as varied as you examples listed above. They range from: ';Misery Loves Company'; --- to --- ';They want you to share the blessed moments that they think only a parent of a child can experience';. Little do they know that some people can experience the depth of love for lots of people and Gods little creatures that do not share their own gene pool. Most of the people giving you those excuses only mean well though.
Yeah... as soon as I got engaged, the question wasn't where we're getting married or even when, but do we plan to have children. To me this is a very personal decision and I don't think it's anyone's business what my intentions are... not to mention it's just plain rude, what if I have some kind of disorder that prevents it? That is none of their business....
I don't have children and I'm 37. I just never wanted them! That was my choice. I get so sick of all these things you have mentioned. I can't get maternity leave, I can't just leave work because of a sick kid, stores now even have ';parents with parking';. I usually tell people that say these thing to take their tax deduction and leave me alone!
They don't know what to make of us, so they criticize us.





I love the comments about us dying out. I just tell them, ';Don't worry, I will have no problem con-vicing your children to be child-free as well.';





I suggest you don't discuss your child-free status in public. I have gone somewhat ';stealth'; with it, and my life has become much more pleasant.
Those people see parentalhood as a natural fact which should not be questioned. However, we are not animals, we have wishes, feelings, ambitions and so on, we have a cultural world, and in our world parentalhood is a social fact, otherwise how would u explain adoption.
My brother is childless, and my best friend is also childless. they rarely get this kind of stuff, I think some people on here make it more of an issue than it really is.





If you are comfortable with your decision why do you care what they think?
Not sure. I know I don't want to have kids and there are tons of people out there who don't. I also hear you will change your mind when you hit 30. LOL. I think it's just some sort of a norm-rule that people make.
I think you should only have children if you want to. The excuses you listed are just guilt trips. I wouldn't worry about it. Your life! You live it the way you want.
They are jealous that they don't have the balls to take the same risks. What they NEED to do is mind their own business. Who asked their opinion anyway?
What are you trying to get at?





.....by the way.....


Everyone knows that when you have a child you go a little ';crazy';





Have you ever thought that maybe you're just being a piss-ant?
I'm childless and haven't experienced any of these situations. Also, you don't need to be fixed to not have kids.
The vast majority of feminists are childless or have only one child. They are making themselves extinct.





ha ha ahahahah ha ha There *is* a god.
i think it's because they've either had children and regretted it, or because they want kids themselves but find it hard to deal with everything they'll be missing out on
Not enough people trust us childfree folks to be serious. It's none of their business, anyway (and, might I add, you've made it everyone's business more than enough!).
People usually see everyone in the same way they see themselves. Example ';if I like it you should like it too.'; It's just the way we are.
People have this funny belief that what's good for them must be good for everyone else.
What in the world are you talking about ?


Get some new friends.
Why don't you add ';You're going to be extinct!';
I have kids and I'm the first one to expose the whole 'myth of motherhood' and the supposed fulfillment it brings.





Dont' buy it for a minute. It's for some people, many, many people find out too late that they really aren't the best of parent material. But you do the best you can. You love your kids and keep on keeping on.





But I'm tellin ya, you will NEVER hear me tell any of my kids or any Childless couples I know about how they 'need' to do this. It's BS. If you're totally completely positively certain you need this to be complete in life then go for it. (Provided you know you'll have support from the other parent no matter how the two of you turn out) if however, you're not so sure.. .well, just think on it a bit. You've got quite a bit of time. And the desire may just pass.
I have children but I would never tell others they should have them. I know parenthood is not for everybody. However, I didn't have my children when I was real young so there was plenty of time for people to tell me I would change my mind. The strange thing is that I didn't get any of these comments, not even from my parents or other relatives. I suspect that some of you who have been receiving them must be giving out some sort of signals that are prompting other people to tell you these things. Have any of you ever thought of that? I would say that watch what you say about having children. When you start making strong and negative comments, it tells many people you are actually insecure in your decision and that's what's why they are saying these things.
I don't pay any attention to that. They mean well. It's really none of their business but I appreciate what they say. It doesn't mean that I'm going to do anything differently. Having a child is a huge decision and not something that should be entered into lightly. You cannot count on children to be there for their parents. Permanent sterliziation seems a bit extreme to me but it's your choice. Parents don't bother me at all. I like talking to other parents because I learn a lot from them.


I do think it would be nice to have a child but I don't think it's a good idea for me. My husband is done. He has children from a previous marriage. I think I would be a great parent but I would be really stressed too, more so than now. I used to think that I would be a terrible parent but not anymore. My saving grace is that I really care and will do the hard things because I care and have a great capacity to love. I'm not afraid of hard work and uphill battles. It doesn't phase me. Of course I'm a softie too but I can put on a good show when I need to. :-)





Really this is a decision you should make with your partner.


You have to be comfortable with it. How stupid to have children just because some people say you should.





edit: My parents haven't said anything to us about having kids. They know that we aren't going to. I'm sure that my mom is disappointed but I have 2 younger brothers so maybe they will have kids though it's not looking like it. But we have the furry kind. (cats and dogs) They have joked about it. grand cats, grand dog. I spoil them.





It's a choice. There are plenty of parents out there that shouldn't be parents because they aren't in the picture or they abuse their kids.





Don't worry about it. Do what you feel is best for you. In the end, that's what you need to go with or suffer the consequences. It may work out great but it's not certain.





I do think that kids can really change people for the better. I can see that. But not all people will have a wonderful experience.





edit: Don't be so sensitive. No need to be. You'll age yourself.


You're not alone besides. Let the criticism roll off your back.


That's what I do, try to do. It's not easy.

For those of you who prefer to be childfree indefinitely...?

1) Has your family ever criticized you just because you don't want kids?





2) If your family criticized you, what did you do to get them off your back?





3) If you met a girl/guy who wanted kids and you liked her/him very much, would you convince her/him not to have kids?





4) Is it hard to find someone who likes to be childfree indefinitely as well?





5) If you told your parents you didn't want kids, did they turn your words around, like saying you'll have them one day?





6) Did people call you selfish just because you prefer to be childfree?





7) If you were to have sex with your spouse, what would you do to keep from getting pregnant?





8) If your parents wanted you to have kids, would you reject their decisions and remain childfree anyway?





9) Would life be easier with or without children in your life?For those of you who prefer to be childfree indefinitely...?
1. yes


2. I tell them to make my loser brother get a girlfriend, so he can have kids.


3. No, you cannot convince people of anything. I met a bunch of guys who wanted kids soon, and had to say farewell. They wouldn't have been right for me anyway.


4. Yes, it's hard, but it's worth it. I'm lucky to have found a great man who agrees with me about almost everything, including kids. If I had settled for one of those other guys, I'd probably be very unhappy now, in many ways.


5. Yes, everyone always says you'll want kids someday. It's their way of holding out hope that someday you'll be as miserable as they are, with all the life sucked out of them, and someday you'll go through the same torture they endured.


6. Yes, especially white power people. They act like it's my duty to make white babies. I love being white, but I find the idea that I must be a baby factory to be a good white person hilarious. There are gobs of white kids no one cares for out there, and I don't see any white power people adopting them.


7. There's tons of ways. I've never had an abortion. If I can stop myself from getting pregnant, anyone can.


8. yes, of course.


9. easier, obviously. Not just because of the financial aspect, but think about the stress you would endure worrying about someone molesting your kid or kidnapping them or killing them, any time you let them out of your sight. I stress about my nieces and nephews, and they're not even mine. I can't imagine what their parents go through.For those of you who prefer to be childfree indefinitely...?
1) No, not really. My mom used to wail about wanting grandchildren, but I think she's accepted that it isn't going to happen.





2) In some cases, it just takes time.





3) I think we'd have to come to a point where my partner realizes that if he stays with me, there will be no kids. If he decides he wants kids, he's going to have to find someone else.





4) I've been in my relationship for a long time. In some cases, it's easier for a childfree woman to find a partner.





5) I don't recall that happening.





6) Nobody's called me selfish yet. If they do, I'll point out that having kids so you can spread your DNA or whatever is pretty selfish.





7) I used the pill or Depo for a long time, but stopped using that when I was in my mid-30s. I'm looking at getting a tubal soon.





8) Yep. And at my age, it's pretty much too late for me to have them.





9) Oh, it's far better without kids.
1) Has your family ever criticized you just because you don't want kids? No, my brothers both reproduced, so I was ignored. If they hadn't popped some kids out, omg.





2) If your family criticized you, what did you do to get them off your back? N/A





3) If you met a girl/guy who wanted kids and you liked her/him very much, would you convince her/him not to have kids?


Nope, I wouldn't stay with them. It wouldn't be fair.





4) Is it hard to find someone who likes to be childfree indefinitely as well? As you age, it gets easier and easier. Most people are tired of it, lol.





5) If you told your parents you didn't want kids, did they turn your words around, like saying you'll have them one day? Of course. If there's an opportunity for guilt-tripping, it had to be taken by my parents.





6) Did people call you selfish just because you prefer to be childfree? Of course. Since they were being disrespectful to me, I either didn't bother to respond, or I said I'd prefer not to share their misery (I'm very sarcastic).





7) If you were to have sex with your spouse, what would you do to keep from getting pregnant? The pill or if I was really worried, surgery.





8) If your parents wanted you to have kids, would you reject their decisions and remain childfree anyway? Yep. Been there, done that.





9) Would life be easier with or without children in your life?


Easier, no doubt about it. And for me, happier.
1) Yes


2) I ignore them completely. I've already explained my choice and it doesn't need repeating.


3) I wouldn't waste my time persuading them to change their mind. I would tell them my choice is final and if they can't handle that, we should go our seperate ways.


4) I met a few people who want to be childfree for the remainder of their lives.


5) My mother respects my decision completely. It isn't an issue with her, but my dad is another case. He thinks I'll change my mind someday, but I know I don't want any kids.


6) In a round about away, people have hinted that I'm selfish, but I don't care what they think. The only opinion that matters is mine.


7) I'll never have a spouse because I've decided to remain single for the rest of my life.


8) Yes


9) For me, life is easier without children.
Wow, this is a long one.


1) Yes.


2) I told them it was my choice and I just don't see wanting children one day. Of course, I then did sick them on my brother-- telling them to harp on him to have kids.


3) I didn't convince my b/f to NOT have kids, but I clearly stated my beliefs on the matter. I said that I very may well MIGHT want kids some day, but I also might not. I was clear and told him he needed to decide if this was a ';deal breaker';.


4) Honestly I've met more WOMEN who want to be childfree then men. In fact, I don't think I've met a man in a while who never wants kids. I'm sure they're out there, but I find it odd that men seem to be the ones who want children more.


5) Yes. My mom went on and on about how I would change my mind on day.


6) I never was told I was ';selfish'; but that I would regret it one day and that I wouldn't be ';fufilled as a woman'; if I didn't have children.


7) The regular means to avoid pregnancy.


8) Of course. Its my life, I can't have the children FOR them. They would be my children and I would fear having them under any condition that would make me not love them to the greatest degree. I will NOT have children just because someone else told me I should.


9) Hmmm, it would be cheaper, I can tell you that. And your life is your own so you can just get up and go somewhere if you want. But then again, you'll have no one by your side in your old age and no one to raise to better society or make an impact on the world.
1) Who cares about criticism?


2) Ignore them.


3) I would leave them and find someone who didn't want kids.


4) No.


5) Ignore them.


6) So what?


7) Condoms.


8) Yup--it's your life, not theirs.


9) Much easier. I will only say this because my daughter never comes to YA: having kids can be extremely difficult. NOT having them isn't. I never wanted children--she was unintentional. That said, I couldn't live without her. But never let anyone dictate your reproductive status.
1. Yes


2. I told them that it was worse to have a child that I didn't want than to refrain from having children. It didn't always work.


3. I might try to see how serious they were about wanting children, but if they genuinely wanted them, I wouldn't pursue a relationship.


4. Yes. I married a man who had two children from a previous marriage and didn't want any more.


5. They tried, but after I had a tubal ligation, they gave up.


6. All the time.


7. I had a tubal ligation.


8. Yes.


9. Without.
1) Yes.





2) I told them that it's my decision and that they should just leave me alone.





3) If he was that serious about having kids, I'd tell him to find a potential mother.





4) I'm not looking, but I assume it's a strain.





5) They figured I'll change my mind one day. No, I won't.





6) Only a few trolls on this forum.





7) Go on the pill and use condoms. I'm also considering egg donation.





8) Yes. I don't have to put my life on hold just because they want grandchildren. My brother can handle that 鈥?he's always wanted kids.





9) Much, much easier.
Chriss 99, stop posting that same message over and over again when someone asks about wanting children. It gets really tiresome.
It matters little what childless feminists think. They are irrelevant because their DNA will eventually be absent from the planet.





There *is* a god.

bella cosmetics

What are the benefits of being a Childfree Couple?

1. I have more free time to pursue other goals. And I’ll be much more likely to retire early.


2. The spare bedrooms are all mine! I can use them as a guest room, or a library, or a gym — or whatever I wish!


3. No one can blame me for overpopulation, traffic congestion or urban sprawl. I’m not contributing to it!


4. More sleep! I get to sleep in on weekends, and no 2 am feedings. I won’t have to get by on three hours of sleep.


5. No pissing and moaning that my husband doesn’t do anything and I get stuck doing all the work. On the other hand, if you are a man, there is no pissing and moaning that your wife won’t work and all the financial burden is on you.


6. Less worry and stress in my life.


7. Not needing a child to give me a reason to live or give me fulfillment! I’m able to find happiness inside myself, not in someone else.


8. Fewer worries about body image, and I have time to keep myself in shape and looking better (and younger).


9. Every night can be a romantic night with no interruptions.


10. I’ll generally have more money and a higher standard of living. And because I’ll have extra money, I can put some away every month for my old age so I will have more security than just “I hope my kids will take care of me when I’m old!”


That's my top ten how about you?What are the benefits of being a Childfree Couple?
Wow..That's an amazing list. You sound exactly like me, and my husband. We have been married 13 years and are child free, and our life is VERY Fullfilling.


Number 10 makes me laugh. :) My Father is going nuts right now, because his ';Mother';, is driving him CRAZY. And do you know what the other ';son is doing?'; Nothing. He moved to Florida, so he didn't have to take care of ';Mother';. And do you know what my Grandmother said? That it was ';HIS (My Father's) Responsibility to take care of her, Not her OTHER Son. Nice huh?


Honey, believe me, your doing the right thing. We travel ALOT, go to the movies EVERY Weekend, Go to the Casino, Concerts, Musicals, Museums, donate 1/2 of our Paycheck to Charity, Do Volunteer Work, and so much more. Your list is RIGHT On, and I don't blame you at all.What are the benefits of being a Childfree Couple?
Pretty good list.


If I need children around, I have the option of baby sitting my brothers or sisters kids. Then they get sent home.





But let me tell you having them around can be pretty addicting. I guess it's because when they act up they are not welcome here for a while. Parents can't do that on a regular basis.
Seems like you have answered your own question. I have children and never wanted them. My life is full of chaos, craziness, and sometimes frustration, but my life is full and I wouldn't have it any other way.
Here's My opinion. you live the presesnt 20 years totally unforgatable.. and get old .. and before dying you realize you did everything only foryourself.. and left nothing behind you in the world.. ..





And this feeling is the worse.. it feels like you didn't finish what you started.. you didn't archive the greater purpose.. and that is raise an offspring where through him/her you shall live-on in this world...





That's why you should live, to give beginning to a new. before the end comes.. you can always enjoy life.. if you have a good husband. a husband that can work.. value your efforts.. who gets a maid.. and puts you first priority in life.. and so you should do.. family first.. :3 do you know how joyfull it is to raise and watch a child grow into a fine adult in your own hands? its the feeling of success, an acomplishment of building a life... :)

Would you date someone who prefers to be childfree?

Ok, I'm 19. I've made my decision to prefer to be childfree when I was 15. Even though I prefer to be childfree, my parents keep ranting on me about having kids and all that. They don't seem to understand, that I don't want kids, ever. I have too many things too do, like trying to pursue a career and invest in how much make, and maybe meet a girl who also prefers to be childfree.





How many men and women out there prefer to be childfree?


Women: Would you date/marry a man who doesn't want kids?


Men: Would you date/marry a women who doesn't want kids?


For both men and women, do you want kids, or you prefer to be childfree?


Do you think the world is overpopulated enough?Would you date someone who prefers to be childfree?
Don't let the jerks on here get you down. If you're childfree, seriously dating a person who wants kids is a recipe for disaster. You cannot reconcile the two points of view.





I am childfree--I knew in grade school that I was--and when I got old enough to date, I never considered a guy ';marriage material'; if he wanted kids. I wondered if I would ever find my husband--most guys do want kids and if you're female and don't want them OMGZ there's something wrong with you!





Overpopulation wasn't even one of my reasons for not wanting them, I just didn't want them. Period. My husband and I focus our attention on our careers and travel. Like you, I think there are too many things I want to do before I die and kids don't fit into my plans.





Parents can give you a lot of crap about your decision. They have lived their own lives, though, and made their decisions. Now it's your turn. You don't owe them grandkids. They may try to put a guilt trip on you. Mine did, until I sat them down and explained that I was not going to have kids and that my decision wasn't ';their fault,'; I had other plans for my life. I know my mom would like to be a grandma, but she understands it's my life.





There are more childfree women out there than there are men, so it will probably be easier for a man to find a CF woman than vice versa. Stick to your principles and keep looking for that CF woman. She's out there and you'll have a happy life together.Would you date someone who prefers to be childfree?
my gf at the time, now wife and I wanted to be childfree. The reason is because we are big kids, went out all the time did the mini vacations on wknds. etc...





she got pregenant and said we could do abortion or adaption....I said no way, that changed me a lot, granteed I still like to party but would do anything for my son now....
Well that's your choice, so who cares. Me personally I wouldn't care about dating someone who doesn't want children but marrying definitely not because even though I don't want children now, I don't know what I'll want later on in my life.
never....if all people thought like that you wouldnt exist

Does anyone think there is an increase of childfree people?

Us childfree men are tired of running into the wrong women who happens to want children. Now I don't have a problem with people who want them, but there should be a great number of women who never wants children as well. If I ever have a wife, she must be childfree.





Does anyone believe that the number childfree women, or childfree people in general, is on the rise?








I know some people are going to judge me as being too young, but they don't even know how old I am and I'm not telling. Why do some people think it's a sin to never want children?Does anyone think there is an increase of childfree people?
I dont think it is a sin to never want children. Look at all the benefits.





No slaving away for 40 hours a week for 50 years or so, then dying.





Freedom to travel the world and do whatever you want for as long as you want.





Freedom to have whatever career you choose, and if you change your mind and would enjoy something different you are not stuck in the hated one because of having to put a roof over kid's heads.





Children are a drain on parents emotionally, physically, mentally, monetarily, and in just about any way you can think of.





Actually there was a poll taken in a very popular women's magazine about ten years ago. It asked ';If you could do it all over again, knowing what you know now, would you have children?';





Something like 89% of women who replied said NO. They would NOT.





I was shocked to read that. I mean REALLY shocked. Most of America was shocked too.








For others who want to have children and have a totally different outlook on children (not a burden, not a freedom restrictor), etc. that is fine for them. No problem,





But I agree that people are very much wanting to make everyone conform to their idea of grow up, get married, have kids, work at a job and die.





I think that the number of child free people IS rising actually, yes. Does anyone think there is an increase of childfree people?
It doesn't fit the mold. Must be the devil :P





Don't listen to that dude, if you're a great guy and don't think you'd make a great father... Don't have kids. Work. Be productive. Make yourself happy. Find a like-minded woman and make her happy. Screw the norm, the norm is what got us in the mess we're in. If it doesn't harm others, do what makes YOU happy.
I'm a child free female. Married but child free and hope to stay that way for as long as I die. My husband doesn't want any either.





Just to prove a point, I'll go as far as saying that I loath the child. Cannot stand them. They smell, and drool worse than my dog does.








Kudos to you mister, and a star.
If the numbers are on the rise, that is VERY SAD.





Because the truth is that children are an AMAZING BLESSING FROM THE LORD, and He knows this and encourages us to have many children.





Why wouldn't you want what's good for you? Why wouldn't you want to be blessed?
Don't want kids? Have a vasectomy; it's your right. When I didn't want more children, I had my tubes tied, as was my right. Control your own fertility, and don't whine about the choices of others.
I don't know about childfree, but I think more people are waiting to have children until later. After college, after careers get started, after they buy a house.
I think people are finally at the point where they have the wisdom to know whether or not they are having kids because they actually want them, not just because it's expected.
yes, i do think this will be on the rise...our generation is living through an economic crisis which will ultimately affect our decision to have kids...
*proudly childfree*





(and female) ;)
not a religious question
maybe you are afraid of Breast Cancer.
its my body and my sperm, i decide what happens to it.
Child free and proud!
I don't have no children im in my 20s im not ready yet financially i love kids i hope to have some there great.... but i want too be ready and i have my own way of doing it and i think women do know what they want and don't want in life its a choice we have to make... either alone of with our spouse... but talk about it first with the one you love so you know he or she feels the same way its very important.. because if i met someone who didn't want children and i did i may not want to be with that person... or he with me.. because i do plan on having children just not yet.....children are a blessing too me .. but there are those that don't want them that's ok for them ..just not for everyone.... too each is own.. and that's the way it should be.. young or older.. we live in a country that is free too choose... and i wouldn't want it any other WAY ... I LOVE AMERICA AND I LOVE THE PEOPLE IN IT BECAUSE WERE ALL DIFFERENT AND YOU CAN STAND UP FOR YOUR OWN BELIEFS....