Is it condescending to tell childfree people that you ';respect'; their choice?

I see this all the time. People with children (or who want children someday) say that they ';respect'; someone's decision not to have children. But isn't that a bit condescending? Do they really feel that we need their respect or affirmation? Who would ever tell a parent that they ';respect'; their decision to have kids? Or who would say, ';I love my dog, but I respect your decision not to have one';? The whole thing rubs me the wrong way.





Or is it just such an uncommon decision that people don't really know what else to say? Am I being too sensitive? And should Y!A put up a childfree section somewhere so I stop pestering all of you with my questions? ;-)Is it condescending to tell childfree people that you ';respect'; their choice?
I'm childfree myself, by choice. And I never felt insulted by someone saying that they respect my choice (it helps to have a rock-solid, irrefutable argument as to why we should all stop having children). What's far more insulting to me are those people who act like there's actually something wrong with me for making that choice. I run into that much more often.





To answer the other part of your question, I would never actually tell someone that I respect or disrespect their choice to have kids, even though I am totally in favor of eugenics in some cases (sorry, some people, if not most, are crappy parents and should be stopped); but whether I actually respect their decision or not just depends on the individuals. So much of that simply boils down to common sense, but try saying anything about it to those people and, invariably, the response is : ';what the hell do u know? You don't even have kids!';. Funny how those same people don't mind claiming the tax breaks that I don't get. How my tax dollars are redistributed to them to educate, clothe, and feed THEIR children.





Sorry, I'm rambling now and could go on ALL night on this subject. But if anybody does give u that ';I respect...'; crap then yeah, it's condescending. Otherwise, why even say it?Is it condescending to tell childfree people that you ';respect'; their choice?
I get where you're coming from, but I think you're taking it the wrong way. What they typically mean is that while they choose to live their lives differently, they aren't one of those people who will hate on you for your choices. It's really more of a way to separate themselves from the crazies who believe any woman who doesn't want to have kids is selfish for not wanting to add to the already severely overpopulated planet. Personally I plan on having kids and couldn't care less what anyone else does with their life, it's none of my business if you have kids or not.
Yes, bug Yahoo for a childfree section so we don't have to be bugged anymore by these questions.





No, on a serious note, I would say you're overreacting here, but then, I'd have to hear them say it to know for sure. I could see if they said it in a certain way how it would be condescending. The best thing probably would be to not say anything at all I guess. Maybe they want you to know- or at least think- they're not judgmental about it so they go out of their way to show they're not.
Actually, I did once have a childless/childfree woman who I didn't even know tell me she respected my choice to have children ';if that's what you felt like you needed to be happy,'; and no, I hadn't said a word about kids other than saying I had two when she asked if I had children. So I don't think this is an issue of tackiness more than anything else. Some people are just so all-fired up to the idea that their way is the right way that they can't help but try to convert the ';other side';.
I agree, it does seem kinda odd. It sets a tone and suggests that NOT having children is somehow a bad thing which is bull because there shouldn't be anything wrong with being childfree. This small world is being overpopulated by the day as it is. I'm 18 and don't intend to have any kids. Sorry but kids just aren't my type, they annoy the hell out of me in public. Always crying, running around screaming.





Don't even get me started when parents bring their rowdy kids into movie theaters...
I've had people say that to me, too. I'm 37 without kids, and even though I wanted them at one time I'm glad I didn't because I am now divorced.





I think the assumption that those who don't have kids are considered irresponsible or something. But the fact of the matter is that it's a really personal decision between couples, and shouldn't be any one's business.
Well, there is that common stereotype about how all couples with children try and force it on others who are childless--similar to the married woman trying to fix up all her friends so they can ';experience the joy'; themselves. Maybe people say they respect anothers choice NOT to have kids in order to defend against THAT? Not really sure, I have never said that to anyone
It seems like a strange question to me. I think the reason a lot of people say it is to be polite - after all, our society still has the idea that man and woman should marry, and start a family...not having children is seen as rather unconventional still. I think it does make some people uncomfortable. It's like when people tell me ';I'm not gay, but I don't have a problem with gay people.'; I think it is a reflection of their discomfort with something not ';normal.';
I totally agree, there is something that just doesn't sit right with me on that statement.


It's almost patronizing, and definitely has a ';whatever floats your boat, I'm better than you'; hidden message in there, if you ask me.


Why should people feel free to comment on the matter at all?


Unless asked, why is it any of their concern?
nah, i know what you are saying. i dont think you are being too sensitive. i am a 35 year old man. single and child free and with absolutely no plans of EVER having a child.





and people always ask me ';wow, really, how come?';





its like im the odd man out. but i refuse to live my life by other peoples standards.
I think your theory of people not knowing what else to say is probably right.


I always find it difficult to speak with a recently bereaved person


'sorry' ? seems such a stupid word unless I caused the death.


sorry for what





or maybe just a failing of the English language,lol
Yeah, I know what you mean in terms of it coming across as condescending, however,I really doubt that's what people have in mind when they say this. I've NOT said anything of that sort but I really think that people who say this aren't doing this with any sort of malice.
I get what what your saying, but I don't think it's usually meant that way, but sometimes such supposed nice comments seem more like backhanded compliments instead,
I think some childless people get overly sensitive and defensive when other people make comments about their choice not to have children. They really shouldn't. Having children is not for everybody.
I definitely hear what you're saying. It's a sort of veiled snub, sometimes.





But I do think most people say it with good intentions.
I think it's great that so many are being child-free these days. The world is overpopulated and we need more people to have less kids.
If they wanted children and strongly believed in having children, then, yes, they probably look down on people who don't have children. When you value something as being vital to one's value in life, and someone doesn't have that.. of course you don't really see them as being equal. But what do you do? Are you mean about it or do you say that you ';respect'; them anyhow?





Someone who believes strongly in caring for children won't see someone without children as equal most of the time. It's just common sense. At least they're being nice about it, right?





PS- To me, Science and Philosophy are vital to one's value as a person. I can't honestly claim to see uneducated people as equals in any way, because they're just so pathetic intellectually. I'm sure you're like this with whatever really matters to you, right? What is it? If it's the source of meaning in life to you, don't you look down on people without it? Even if you just value women's rights, don't you not really respect chauvanists or wife beaters because they lack a quality you consider to be vital to being a human being?
I'm childless by choice too, and yeah people can be queer about it. Some you can tell don't mean to offend you and sincerely aren't bothered, or are shocked but aren't thinking you're a monster for it, so I let those awkward comments slide since it's clear they don't want to hurt me.





The others though openly say I'm horrible and not normal or must be ****** in the head to not want to be a Mommy some day.





I tell them politely, sometimes less than politely, that the only opinion that matters is from people close to me, so I'm done talking about it.





It can get irritating, I try and avoid the question more and more as time goes by =o/
Saying you respect someones choice simply means, ';I disagree with you, but I don't think any less of you for it,'; but in fewer words. I would imagine that people would only say this when they don't feel like discussing the issue any further.





Intentionally not having kids is pretty uncommon as most families have approximately 2 kids. Also the urge to have kids is part of our being, so it just doesn't register for a lot of people why someone wouldn't want them.





Too sensitive? perhap.


Childfree section? nah, it would only appeal to a small minority of people so not many questions would be asked or answered.
I don't think most people who say something like that intend to be condescending, but I can understand your feelings.





There are many people in society who get very uncomfortable when others disapprove of their actions and choices, so from their perspective, if they say something like this, in most cases, it's actually their attempt to be inclusive and accepting of a lifestyle that is different from their own.





I can't imagine why anyone would feel the necessity to comment on anyone's childbearing choices unless they are engaged in a personal conversation where it came up, lol, but that's just me. I'm sure we all run into those people who, for reasons unknown, have that seemingly compulsive need to ask personal questions that are clearly none of their business.





I never understood their motivation, but I'm pretty thick skinned, lol, so I answer what I choose to answer, and if it's something I don't want to address, I just don't.





If you let it really bother you, then you're being too sensitive, because really, what impact are they going to have on your life and decisions?


Find a way to answer that conveys your feelings in a way that makes you feel comfortable and empowered. That may be simply a cool stare with no response, or a one line rather cynical retort that you can take comfort in knowing will likely fly right by the recipient without them ever catching it. It may be a polite explanation.


Your choice!





If it doesn't really bother you, and instead is just one of those minor annoyances in life, just list it with those pet peeves that we all have that just irk our very last nerve and always will, even though we know that it is really not that important in the scheme of life.





If they put up a child free section, lol, I foresee that becoming a troll haven that might rival gender studies AND religion/spirituality!