Married, happily childfree, think you could really get away with adoption?

If you are a married couple who does NOT want children, and your birth control fails and you end up pregnant, do you adopt or get an abortion?





Please, no ';I would keep my baby'; because this is not an option in this scenario. She may be pregnant, but there is no intention of raising the child at all.





Would you actually be able to carry the baby to term and give it up for adoption with all your friends and family obviously knowing you are pregnant (and probably arguing with you about your decision, especially your family)? Or, do you just get an abortion?





I thought I'd ask this here to a wide range of married people, and not just in pregnancy where no woman there would ever consider abortion.Married, happily childfree, think you could really get away with adoption?
You can't ask a ';what would you do question'; and then dictate the terms of the answers. I would be a mother to my child. No abortion. No adoption. Those just aren't options *for me*. And really it doesn't matter what other women would feel comfortable doing. What matters is what the mother in this situation would feel comfortable doing; afterall, she needs to live with her decision, whatever it may be, for the rest of her life.





ETA: Considering the updates you've added, it's probably best that you're not a parent. After 2 abortions one would think that you %26amp; your husband would start acting like responsible adults %26amp; take measures to ensure you both could not reproduce. And how absolutely disgusting that you talk so openly about your two abortions. Although I think every woman should have a right to choose, it's a personal decision %26amp; should remain that way; it's certainly nothing to brag about.Married, happily childfree, think you could really get away with adoption?
If you're up to date on the psychology of adoption, the evidence suggests that something terrible happens to children who are separated from their mothers as infants, they develop what's known as the ';Primal Wound'; which is also a popular book for adoptees by Nancy Verrier. This Primal Wound is a traumatic premature separation from one's mother that leads to a loss of a sense of self, loss of confidence, and a lifetime at risk for serious depression, lack of trust, and social problems. As an adoptee who suffers greatly from the effects well into adulthood, I advocate the banning of voluntary adoption and believe that abortion is the horrible, but humane thing to do in the case of an unwanted pregnancy. http://www.amazon.com/-Primal-Wound-Unde鈥?/a>
That would be up to the couple. Their family and friends would have opinions, but ultimately it is the couple's choice.


Personally, I would have handled that situation more proactively in the first place. If you are married and do not want children, the husband should get a vasectomy and the woman should continue on birth control, preferably a method more reliable than remembering to take a pill everyday.
When you're talking about your and your spouse's life, the lives of two potential parents, and the life of a child in the making, the betterment of all parties through adoption is SO great that ';flack'; is totally insignificant.





I'm not Pro-Life. I'm Pro Choice. And I think people who have the resources and courage to choose to have a baby and give it up for adoption when they don't want to be parents themselves would be doing a great deed for the people who don't have the ability to choose.
If this couple truly do not want children, and their minds aren't changed by the actual birth, then in my humble opinion, the child would be better off with a family that DOES want children. There are so many couples out there who can't have children and want them more than anything that it amazes me anyone would even consider abortion, thus depriving these folks of the chance to have a child.
The ultimate intention of marriage is to raise children. I guess I would wonder why marriage would be chosen if having a family was not an option. My guess is that if they could educate themselves on what it is to be parents they may change their minds. If not then to hell with the parents. Be an adult and show a little responsibility find a nice surrogate couple and set up a pre-adoption. Kind of like the movie Juno.
I'm 47 and haven't had a period in about 6 weeks. I know I'm starting menopause but this question has actually crossed my mind lately. I would not be willing to have an abortion. I follow no religious path so it isn't a religious decision. It would be difficult but I would carry the child to term and give it up for adoption.
No matter how you slice it, abortion is taking a life and unless it would kill the mother to have the baby or it was rape abortion should not be a choice. You open you open your legs you deal with it. Yes it would be hard but let a couple who actually wants the adopted it. But it would prolly destroy your marriage.
My husband and I are very happily married and CF's. We've talked in length about what if BC failed and I became pregnant. We have determined that an abortion would be the most effective means to continue our lifestyle. Neither of us want children and sending out another child into the world doesn't make sense.





NOTE: I take every precaution available to me to protect myself from unwanted pregnancy.
Definitely an adoption, you could always get your tubes tied to prevent something like that or you husband could get a vasectomy because things like this are pretty reversible. You want whats best for your marriage and an abortion would prob not be the best to keep your happy marriage, well happy.
Nah, because being 'happily married and childfree' implies a degree of selfishness and superficiality. I hold myself to better standards, but obviously, your friends do not, especially if meaningless concerns about what extraneous people think could impact a 100% personal issue.
please dont get an abortion please every baby deserves to get born (juno) because the baby has no choice in whether you get rid of it or not just like you your parents could have gotten an abortion with you and you probably wouldnt like that what makes you think the baby would just dont get an abortion
The only answer I can give is I would keep my baby. I don't know how I could carry a baby to term and then give it away especially if it reminded me of my husband who I love. I choose not to have an abortion.
then she should have it and give it away. no point killing an innocent life. i would give the baby up and not care what my family thinks because it's my life. but i would never takes it's life because of my selfishness.
Adoption, no question. Just because I wouldn't want to raise the child is no reason to deprive another childless and desperate couple from the opportunity to lovingly raise a kid.
whenever possible, dont have an abortion. tel people you and your husband are simply not ready for a child and possibly even conscider an open adoption, this way you could still know your kid
Well whatever they do, the guy better get a vasectomy. It is the only responsible thing do to if they really don't want children.
If I really didn't want kids I would have my tubes tied or my husband would have the snip because I could never deal with the consequences of accidentally getting pregnant.
I frown more on my friend for killing a child than putting one up for adoption. I have had this happen to more than one friend and have seen the decision go both ways.
Very personal question. I could not go through the pregnancy and give up so I would definatly do the other option.
I don't think I could do adoption. I would probably have to opt for the abortion.
I don't know how someone who claims that they are happily married can even think of giving up their own child. Sorry, but you make no sense.
I'd be very happy to adopt your baby. You can email me from this sight
There are tons of people who will adopt the baby. No one else should sway the decision.
Adoption.
I'd say giving it up for adoption.


Abortion wrong.


No child or human being should deserve to die.
abortion of course , why would you gpo through a pregnacy andruin your body


no one would go full term


stupid idea
Come again??


Abort the baby?
Give the child up for adoption, please. People do it all the time, and you may even be able to choose the family. I think your friends and family would have a bigger problem with an abortion than adoption. An abortion is a huge deal, and I think taking that route just to keep it a secret is not a good enough reason. You are adults and your family will have to deal with your decision, so don't let the fact that you'll be annoyed with them make you terminate the pregnancy. You may even be pleasantly surprised with their responses. If they give you a hassle, tell them that you make a tough decision to have the baby rather than get an abortion, and they'll shut up real quick. If they cannot support you through this time, I think you need to cut them off.





EDIT


I noticed someone mentioned problems adopted children have, and that is just BS. I am adopted and happen to be a happy, healthy, productive member of society. And this is coming from a child whose racial heritage does not match the adoptive parents (so it's really obvious that I'm adopted and I don't mind one bit).
I'm not married, but please please please do not go with abortion. I would personally rather put up with my family and friends bickering at me about adoption than know that i killed a living being... one that i created.





Adoption is nothing to be ashamed of. If your not ready--your not ready! My cousin is adopted from a family that had 2 previous children and couldn't afford another one. That's not their fault. And it isn't yours either if you choose adoption. Let the baby go to a family, one that wants it and will love it.





Good luck!
I'm happily childfree at 40. Thank God I never had to face the decision of what to do if I got pregnant, but I think I would choose adoption over abortion. My friends and family would just have to deal with it. I would want to arrange the adoption, though, to make sure my child was in a good home. It would be very hard to deal with the criticism of my loved ones, but it would be even harder to raise a child I didn't really want. I would have to put the child's needs ahead of my own, the need of a warm, loving home for him/her over my own need for acceptance or convenience.