Buy him a puppy. If he cant understand that if you two had a child now, he would be 75 years old by the time that child was ready to leave the nest, and that you two should be enjoying your senior years together, then I would grant him his divorce. {i am 47}
Is he prepared to play football with his child and all the things a proper father should do when his child is 10 years old or so and he is 67? Will he be physically able to share the life of an active child in a proper fatherly fashion? He may be a very active person, but will he be as active in ten or twelve years, up to the demands of being a good father, or will he be tired. You have to think of the child and what kind of life you can provide for it.
Not financially, but in a participatory manner. I came from a poor family, and am relatively poor now, but my best memories are of my father playing baseball and football with me, taking me fishing and hiking, and that time we walked the Grand Canyon. Will he be able to do stuff like that?What should i do to insist my childfree thinking?
You really should have settled this issue before you married. Besides, 44 is a little late in life for a woman to bear a child--it is risky for her, and the child is more likely to have problems. If you and your husband cannot come to an agreement, then all I can suggest is a divorce. Having children is something both parties have to agree on. My wife and I made the decision not to have children before we married several years ago, and we discussed it very seriously. Luckily, we had similar opinions, and were able to easily agree on the matter. We are comfortable with our decision, and we're happy to be aunt and uncle to everyone else's kids. It is a very personal decision, and you both have to be on the same page, more so than any other issue in your marriage.
Well, personally I would be insulted if my husband told me having a child was his only joy and hope. What exactly does that make me??? And if that statement from your husband doesn't bother you, then you definitely shouldn't be having children together!
Was it understood when you married that there were to be no children? If not, I can understand why he would be mad now. If it was, well, he can't expect you to change your mind. He can ask, but should come prepared to accept a no.
You also cannot unilaterally decide to divorce peacefully - this will depend on how your husband reacts. Since he sounds so emotionally bound up in this issue, I doubt resolving it will be peaceful.
This guy has no right to bully you into a commitment that you are not interested in. Do not give in, whatever you do.
In my opinion, you should talk to him, telling him that you are absolutely NOT going to have a child ( you don't need to give him reasons why), and that he has two options;
A. Deal with it and follow through with his marriage vows. or
B. Get a divorce ( which you would like to be amicable) and look for a women who is willing to have a child.
He should respect your opinion because having a baby is a big deal, especially at 44, there isnt only a health risk for you, but for your unborn child as well, there are mannyyy complications involved.
Alternatives:
-Adopting A Child
-Or placing his sperm into a carrier
They both require a lot of work, but if it means a lot to the both of you, then nothing could come in between.
Good Luck =]
Well you need to let him know what you think and feel. Have you thought about writing it all down? If you write it down to him remember that this may be a letter he keeps for many yrs. so be nice. If he really needs to have a child of his blood out there well.....maybe it's time to move on. One thing why not live throw his relatives kids? I never had kids and my life will be remembered my sisters kids.
If you don't want to give him a child, perhaps someone else will.... If he can afford a child *which Im sure he can at 57* then I would deffinately give him one. Seeing a father play with his son or putting his daughter to sleep at night is precious, you should want a child just to see how sweet men are with children. and I agree with answer number one.
You should have had this settled before you got married....but it's too late to think of that now. If he wants children, he won't be happy until he has one. And you.....I can understand your hesitancy to have a baby. It's a no-win situation and could very well end up in a divorce. I'm sorry for you both.
The thing that gives you the right to choose to be childfree, gives him the right to choose to have a child.
If you can't give him the freedom to choose, what give you the right to demand it for yourself?
Sounds like you need to lose this guy. To have such opposite views, especially at your mature ages just isn't normal at all.
There might not be a way to do this peacefully. Did he know you didn't want to have children when he married you? Even if he did not, you are allowed to change your mind and decide that you do not want to have children. Besides, it's pretty convenient for him - it's not his body that will have to be put through the pregnancy.
Point is, he cannot force you to have children, and he shouldn't try - why would anyone want to have kids with someone who doesn't want them? It doesn't make sense. If he wants children that badly, he needs to be prepared to divorce you and find someone who does want to have kids. I am sorry it has come to this. I wish you the best of luck.
By the way...is anyone else sick of these ';YOU'RE TAKING AWAY HIS RIGHT TO HAVE KIDS, YOU SHOULD WANT KIDS TO SEE HIM WITH THEM'; people? Is it just me, or is having a child just to see the dad ';be sweet'; with them a really stupid reason to have a child, or what? I respect that you guys think it's really super super special to have lots of babies, but not everyone shares your line of thinking. I like kids - but I don't want any of my own. Neither does my husband. It isn't everyone's life dream to be a parent. Perhaps you parents should respect those of us who choose NOT to be a parent.
I know what your husband is going through and please try to understand where he is coming from, it's hard wanting a baby and not being able to have one. I have the opposite problem though, I want one and my husband doesn't. Tell him that he knew you didn't want kids when he married you, and that if he can't come to terms with that then you two either need to go to counseling, or part ways. Find out why he feels the need to have a child so badly. Does he have any? If he doesn't have any children then he should be free to find someone who has his same goals in mind, everyone who wants a child should have the opportunity to have at least one. Think about why you are so against having a child too. Why is this so important to you? I don't understand your point of not having energy. That's a pretty lame excuse for not having a child. But if you two can't work it out, then you need to get a divorce.
No comments:
Post a Comment