Friday, January 15, 2010

Childfree is my choice but husband and his family try to force me?

I am in mid 40 and husband mid 50,just married 4 years. I have tell him many times that I don't feel like to give birth. The reasons are as simple as financial,physical,mental unwillingness. He can never understand and even shouted at my 70 year old mom about this problem. This made me more unwilling to. He and his family said I am so weird. what's do you think? Have you ever met couple choosong to be childfree? and are happy?Childfree is my choice but husband and his family try to force me?
I was in the same place as you. Never wanted to bring a life into this world. so I can really emphathise. if u made your stand clear, no reason you should compromise. anyways having a child is strictly a woman's choice. if your hubby wants to spread his genes, let him find someone else. at 40, it is not even too safe.


i know some couples who decided to be childfree. some relented, some didnt. but it was a mutual choice. I just found somebody with two adorable girls! read this link:





www.vhemt.orgChildfree is my choice but husband and his family try to force me?
Talk it through. Did he know this before you married? If you cant agree maybe its time to part as he may still find someone to have his children.
It is a pity that you did not discuss this with your husband before getting married. Many couples are child-free, particularly those marrying later in life. Often this is not by choice, it just happens, but a strong marriage will survive.





What makes a marriage happy is having a loving, trusting, supportive partnership. Are you sure you do not want children? Then you need to be clear and firm with him.





You need to sit down with your husband and say something like, ';I love you and I want us to be happy; I am sad that you don't feel the same way as me about having children. I want to understand why this is important to you, but I also need you to understand how I feel. It is my health and life that would be changed for ever by having chidlren. At our age we may not be able to have children anyway, so it is unfair of other people to expect this of us. I want to enjoy my life with you, just the two of us. I love you and I hope you understand.';





He cannot force you to have children. You can go to your doctor and get free contraceptive advice (eg the pill or an IUD) that will protect you from an unwanted pregnancy.





He may want children very much. He may be hurt and angry that you do not feel the same way. But if he loves you, he will understand.





It may be that he is getting pressure from his family to have children. Let him know that you love and respect him and that you are on his side and that you need him to be on yours, as a united couple, making your own decisions for your future together. Stand with him against unfair pressure from other family members, and stick to what is best for you as a couple.
Tell them since they want a baby so bad, they can give birth to one.
This is something that needs to be discussed before marriage. It should be a dealbreaker when it comes to deciding to get married. Having said that, I don't know what you should do if the problem crops up after marriage. He can't force you to have babies, and you feel that he's too unstable to be a father, then you should definitely not have babies.
Yeah


hes like 50 years old and when your baby is ten he will be sixty :S


tell him its too late


and having a child free life is okay


if you dont want kids there is nothing wrong with it


i dont want kids


my brothers and sisters have had kids and im fine with that


if you want a peaceful childfree life let them know speak in


but remember you guys cant because of the age now


you'll loose your period in about 20 years :/


it does sound harsh i know but it is too late


for him even more


x
I am also in my mid 40's and wouldn't dream of having a pregnancy this late in life.


Have you considered adoption? There are many non-infant children that need a good home. It could be a good compromise that avoids all that messy baby stuff.


Good Luck.
That is selfish of you, you married a man you are supposed to love, and he loves you. He wants a child and you are denying his right, i am sure he loves you and dosent wanna leave you but if his feeling for having a baby are strong enough he will certanly leave you for someone who will give him a baby. Having a baby is a amazing privledge.
mid 40s! you soon won't be able to have them anyways. I think it's unreasonalbe for a guy to marry a 40 yr old woman expecting her to want to have children. To have children is YOUR choice. If you don't want them, then no is no. I think you guys better split up.
!children are not a joke to bring them into this world, when you are not ready and due to certain circumstances. he should understand that and respect it! if they are forcing you, then it not good!
If you don't want kids at your age, I don't blame you. You are far too old to be starting to have kids, has he not thought about your health???


Also, what about your ages, he will be 70, when your child is 18??? How considerate is that?? I WANT will get you nowhere. if he is that insistent then tell him to go and get a younger wife who is prepared to bear all his children.
hundreds of thousands of couples are child free, you could always tell your husband about the increased birth defects and the risks of becoming a parent at your age, did you both discuss where you stood in regards to having kids before you got married also would be telling everyone else to mind their own business.
If you don't want children, do not have them! Children can be wonderful, but if you have a baby against your wishes, you might not be happy, become bitter and resentful, it happens.


Couples that choose not to have children are very happy, why wouldn't they, it is their lifestyle choice not to have children and they live life to the fullest and they are not being selfish.





Not everybody wants children, you need to settle this with your husband and decide what the two of you will do?
I have met several couples that are childfree but then again they are in their mid 20's who want kids by the time they are 30. If you are happy without a child and your husband happy with one, then you two need to talk. Look at how it is effecting your marriage. He's shouting at your mom and obviously not very happy with your decision. You both should really talk about everything before it becomes a huge issue that will be too late to resolve and leads into a divorce.
40 years you have stayed that way....unmarried..then why not wait for another 20 years or so without a husband ? Why did you get married for ? What for are you looking in your husband ? ........???
Yep.... I'm child-free and happy as hell !!!!!! My husband has a son from a previous relationship, but he's in his 20's now.
He is 50 years old!! the question is why does he want a kid at his age. He is the crazy one. I'm in my late 20's and If I don't have kids by the age of 31 i am not having kids. They are so expensive and life is really hard with kids with no sleep. Yes you can be happy without kids Because you can do what you want not what some little brat wants every minute.


Does he think he will be able to retire peacefully at age 60 with a 10 year old kid hahaha he's crazy. Find a guy in his late 40's who already raised his kids and doesn't need anymore.
If this is your first child, you must consider your husbands idea.If late you may not be able to give birth at all. A baby is after all your identity (a little bit of your genome) on this earth even after you.So please accept your husbands interest.
Get a divorce and let him have a baby with someone else
^


what they said.


If you didn't tell him before marriage then you didn't just walk into that one. You saw it and deliberately fell in. It's not fair on him if you decide this all by yourself after marriage. I





f you're dead set on this divorce him and let him have the life he wants instead of having him compromise for you.
did he know before hand you didnt want kids? I guess he will have to settle for no kids and marry someone else it is just that simple and you have a right not to want kids and I dont have a problem with it
This is something you two should have discussed prior to marriage. Just as he cannot make you have a child, you cannot make him not have a child. It might be better for you two to split and live your lives like you want. You two obviously are not going to find a middle groung in this situation.





Yes, I know many child free couples that are happy, but that is because both people did not want children. He deserves to be able to live his life the way he wants and at this point that is going to have to be without you.
I am not married anymore, and this is one of the reasons. why would anyone want to make someone have kids is beyond me... I am 46 now, too old to have kids, and if you are around my age, you are too old too. tell them there is a definite chance of the baby having down syndrome, and you feel like you are too old to take on such a huge responsibility, and the cost... I would dump the husband and the in laws honey, get out now while you still can.... run...
There is nothing wrong with not wanting to have children.
This is probably an issue you should have discussed BEFORE getting married!
NO! Just have the damn kid! make everybody happy, dont be so greedy.
You are not the decision maker. Your husband is right. If he want children he want it. You are the one who can give him children otherwise someone else will give him ;)
A baby will make love stronger, days shorter, nights longer, bank balance smaller, home happier, clothes dirty, the past forgotten, and the future worth living for.





or atleast that is my perspective on it...





but he should understand your feelings... maybe you should adopt so you both can still have the enjoyment of having a child, without actuall giving birth to it
Get the shot. :)





I don't know what shot it is exactly. But I do know


that it prevents that dreaded awful time of each


months and prevents pregnancy. Only have to


get it about every 3 months or so.





Then claim unability to give birth.





Say the reason you never wanted to try is because


you are unable to due to something in the past. :)





Just an idea! Good luck!





(Or adopt and say he popped out at work or something!)

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