If you are childfree, would you date a parent? If you're a parent, would you date a childfree person? And why the heck is Y!A trying to put this in GLBT?Is it shallow or wrong for childfree people to avoid dating parents?
If you are willing to build a relationship with someone who has children that is great. But honestly, not everyone is cut out to be a parent and/or a step-parent. Knowing that about yourself might limit your prespective partner pool but it will also save you, your perspective partner, and any children involved a whole lot of unhappiness in the long run.
I truly believe that it is possible for those who are childless to make awesome step-parents but it isn't for everyone. My husband was childless but not through choice, he had lost two children to stillbirth in his previous marriage. He wanted to be a parent but couldn't. He has been a great dad to my kids who were in desperate need of a strong male role model. I also think it helped that he came from a very large family. But we were cautious when we first started building our relationship, took things slowly, communicated about the situation often.
Finally, knowing ones likes and dislikes, being self-aware about what one can and cannot handle in a relationship is not in any way shallow or wrong. If anything it is a wise way to proceed. Oh and it seems that YA likes to put anyting to do with unconcrete relationships in the LGBT section!Is it shallow or wrong for childfree people to avoid dating parents?
Many childless people do limit themselves when they insist on dating people without children. That becomes more apparent as they get older. Most older adults have children but the children themselves are likely to be older so they don't have to be cared for. Besides, by limiting themselves this way, childless people are more likely to encounter those who might not be employed and are still be living with their parents or they might be some really strange individuals that most people wouldn't want to date to begin with.
There is nothing wrong with dating only men who are childfree. However there are great fathers who would make wonderful boyfriends/husbands so you do limit yourself when you only date childfree men.
I think it is best to take things on a case by case basis. If the man has two children who are 20 and 24 would you refuse to date him? His children obviously do not need the time and attention children under 18 would need. Men with children are not all the same and some have children who would not need you to be a mother figure in their lives so why would you rule out dating this man?
Just because a man has children that does not automatically mean you will have to take care of them. Allow yourself to be open to men who do and do not have children. So many times the best partner is found where we least expect it.
I don't think it is wrong.
As far as the child is concerned, I think it's exactly the right move.
No child should have to be subjected to rejection from a person their parent is dating. (I'm not talking about intentional cruelty toward a child. Just the vibe that they would get knowing that they are not part of the relationship process would be rejection enough without it being personal. But a child can not differentiate between ';it's not you, it's any %26amp; all children'; I'm not ready to parent yet.)
I say if you know what you want, or in this case don't want, then it works out best for all concerned to stick to your preferences.
Yes, you can miss out on a great mate, but they will be other great, childless people to chose from.
When I was an older yet still teen, I dated a man with a 6 y.o. son. He was a great boy to be around. We had fun as he was included in all of the dinner %26amp; movie dates. But I also knew that I was too young to be a parent model %26amp; I did not think it fair to make this little boy think I was going to be his new Mommy. So his father %26amp; I decided it was best to end our relationship sooner rather than later. For the child's sake.
Now that I am a parent, I know that I could date a man with a child or children as long as we shared like parenting views.
Is it shallow? Maybe yes or no.
Is it wrong? No.
Are such eliminating options? Yes.
Should they be doing so? Personal choice. Only some people have to reproduce. Only some people have to have and raise children. The entire population does not have to participate to continue the human species.
It's about personal choices. I know a young man who dated and married a woman past her reproductive years because he did not want children. Ironically he had grown step-children and step-grandchildren. But as the saying goes, you can send the grandchildren back to the parents. He loved them, but he didn't want to raise them.
I would have dated a parent. Were I not married, I would date a child-free person. I would learn their intentions regarding children before furthering the relationship. That's only fair in any relationship.
no there is nothing wrong with that if that is what you truly want out of life.....but if you do date a person with children make sure that that person is fully aware that you are dating them and not their children.......many women make the mistake that if they date a childless man then HE MUST also like her kids and make them apart of his life and to me that is not true, can say it been married 4 times, and if they do marry a childless person they marry each other not the children for they have their own parents......no where in any wedding vows have i ever heard I DO TAKE YOU AS MY SPOUSE AND YOUR CHILDREN AS MINE EVEN THOUGH THEY HAVE THEIR OWN PARENTS.....think about it
Asking this question is like asking if it's shallow or wrong for people who, say, hate hunting to avoid dating hunters.
They have a quality you aren't interested in. There's nothing wrong with avoiding that.
I would absolutely not date a parent. It's better for both parties in the end, since if you're not on the same page about having kids, it'll always be a contentious issue.
No, I don't think iit's selfish or shallow to avoid children.
I'm childfree, but I would date someone w/children.
I have always said single mothers should date single fathers. I don't have children and I wouldn't date a single mother.
It seems to me quite sensible to avoid going out with someone with children if you don't like them.
No. We didnt want our own children, so why should we put up with someone elses?
Not really...
BD
Nope
I don't think it's shallow but I do think it's closed minded.
I confess that I deliberately shied away from any woman that had kids. I didn't want the burden (or what I perceived as one) of having to deal with more than one person in a relationship that way. I would think that I don't want to be part of an ';instant family'; and I'd also be concerned about the rejection a kid would feel their mother %26amp; I broke up.
But then I met my current girlfriend. She has THREE kids. Yeah! I know. THREE! I was very scared about meeting them but here are some things my gf said that really helped.
1) They have a good dad so I don't need to do that.
2) The father and I have met before and we get along pretty well. He even told my gf that I'd be good for her before we started dating! Wow, that was a HUGE relief.
3) She's a great mom.
4) Her kids are a bit older (8, 9 %26amp; 14) and they're beautiful! All of them are girls and they think I'm great. They're really smart and all of them yelled, did hand pumping in the air, and giggled when I confirmed that I was their mom's boyfriend. It was so amazing to see!
5) As long as I'm conscientious about them then things tend to work out fine. Meaning, communicate and be respectful that I'm not trying to muscle into their life and that I appreciate them letting me be involved (such as for movie nights, dinners, etc.).
So also, I don't worry about her having to spend time with her family because then I get to work on my own stuff or do my own thing. Being in a relationship doesn't mean that you're joined at the hip.
I do agree with one of the other posters here that it's a case by case basis. It takes the right situation and some good communication to be in place for it to work. But when you think about it, aren't good relationships built on good communication?
Dating a parent may not be for everyone but I haven't lost any of my independence (I don't have children) in any capacity.
I don't want kids of my own but I don't get involved in the parenting of my gf's kids because really it's not my place.
Lastly, it just allows me to appreciate the time I get alone with my gf.
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