Why do people automatically assume I don't want to get married/date just because I'm childfree?

I've pretty much made the decision that one of my major goals in life is to make it to my old age WITHOUT ever giving birth to or adopting a child. It really, really, REALLY doesn't seem that fulfilling or enlightening to me.





However, a lot of people, including a couple of my relatives, seem to interpret this as me not wanting to get married and preferring to die alone and with lots of cats. Which is farther from the truth- I want to get married. I just want a hubby who dislikes the prospect of having children as much as I do.





So please explain to me- WHAT THE HELL?Why do people automatically assume I don't want to get married/date just because I'm childfree?
You will change your mind when you get married.





Thanks for sounding so whiny about this topic! You don't like my opinions then don't post the questions dear. Hard but true.Why do people automatically assume I don't want to get married/date just because I'm childfree?
Wow do you sound ignorant. I guess all of those married couples out there with no kids are imaginary, huh?

Report Abuse

I know a few people who are much like you, they don't want kids. There are guys out there that don't want kids. As long as your honest and up front with the guys you date, then you will find someone like you who doesn't want kids. Some people just don't want kids, and some people who have them shouldn't. Some people think that every couple should have kids and wants them. Best of luck!!!
I think that it is just a common assumption for people to make. A lot of people get married so they can have kids - or because they already have kids together.


There is nothing wrong with not wanting to have children. The right partner will come along for you...just make sure that you have a long talk about the subject.
I've been childfree by choice for years as well but thankfully I never ran into that. I still always had people try to hook me up with someone. I finally found a wonderful man by joining the local childfree social group in my area and attending their social functions.





Good luck! There are plenty of childfree men out there. :o)
Marriage usually means kids. If you are planning on not having kids then you probably will never find a guy. Therefore everyone's opinions.
They're narrow minded and can't think out of the box!






You shouldn't be moved by others opinions, and there are plenty! of guys out there that do not want kids. Go for it!

pimple

Why do parents feel the need to preach about the joys of parenthood to the childfree?

We already know that ';it's all worth it';. We've already heard that ';you'll change your mind one day';. Or that ';it's the most important jb in the world';.





We don't preach to you about the joys of being childfree and try and talk you into NOT having children. Not all people want children and not all people are fulfilled by parenthood.





So why do you still feel the need to preach to the childfree about how great parenthood is?Why do parents feel the need to preach about the joys of parenthood to the childfree?
I think that every parent who is honest will admit that they think of what their life would be like if they didn't have kids. The trips that they would take, the great hobbies they would have time to do, the great shape they would be in if they had all that time to go to the gym, how clean their house would be, etc. Whether all that is true or not doesn't matter. I think a lot of that preaching about how wonderful it is to have children is mostly about convincing themselves that having children was a good trade off with all of those other things that might have been if they didn't have children.





Also, there are a lot of really great things about parenthood that parents think other people just can't miss out on. But I totally agree with you that some people don't have that burning desire to have children and that it is silly to try to convince them.





In this day and age, it should be a choice, and some people know themselves well enough to know that parenthood isn't for them. It isn't like our species is in danger of extinction or that the only point in life is to reproduce. In the past, really the only way that many women could find meaning in life was to make a home and fill it with kids to take care of. Now that there are so many more options for women, the attitude that everyone must procreate has got to go away!





I think that the only thing you can do with these kind of people is to smile and try and change the subject. Just ask a parent how their kid is doing in school or what the kid's latest achievement is and they will be totally off the subject of you and on to raving about how wonderful their progeny is!Why do parents feel the need to preach about the joys of parenthood to the childfree?
i don't. i think most people don't. though i certainly am happy to talk about what i think of parenthood if asked.





i'm sure you mean why do *some* parents. just as, i've noticed, *some* childfree people feel the need to bash parenthood and children generally.





some people are jerks. it affects parents and nonparents equally.
That is rude. If someone knows you're childfree by choice, they have no business saying anything to you about it. I have a friend who doesn't want kids and I applaud her for it. There are enough moms who don't want to parent her kids. She's not going to be one of them.
I dont! I have many child free by choice friends, they love my kids but don;t want to take them home!!! We find alot of things to talk about. If someone ask me my opinion, I say that parenthood is not for the faint of heart, but its the right choice for me!!
i love having kids but some dont- you may change your mind one day or you may not- it's your choicde but it is a big one-it's a huge responsibility





i never even thought to ask anyone why they didnt have kids or even chose that route. for all i know it could be a sensitive subject
Lol. I'd never preach to you. How dare I try to push a child on someone that doesn't want one? Kids deserve better than that. As a grown adult, surely you can make your own choices. Why need a stranger to browbeat you into one? My stepmother has no bio children, only 2 of us from my Dad's first marriage. If that's the way they wanted it, that's how it is. I'd never presume anything differently.
When you refer to ';you'; in your question, you are not referring to ME because I do not have children. Will not have children, never had children, don't want children. Nobody seems to raz me about it. Just tell those people that you are NOT having children and ask them to change the subject! It's none of their business. What if you Can't, that's not their business either and yet they keep asking you don't they? It's annoying and something you just want to say SHUT THE 'F'; UP! but you are too polite and you don't. At some point, you are going to be so tired of it that you are going to ask them ';what part of ';NO'; don't you understand?';


Now that I am 44, nobody will dare tell me I'll change my mind or go into that whole lecture. When people ask if I have kids I say ';No kids, cats'; I have three cats, a bird some walking stick bugs, gonna get a puppy. THOSE are my children and my husband and I are just peachy fine dandy with that.


And I like how you put that. We are not ';childless'; we are ';childfree'; Free to do what we want. Free to not be burdened by kids, free to spend our money elsewhere, free from the HUGE responsibility free from....you get it.
maybe they are insecure........


as an expectant mother i have never made those comments to anyone.


its good to be carefree i loved it but at this moment im not but its all good.
I've never tried to push parenthood on anyone. Not everyone has what it takes to be a good parent, and that's OK. I respect those who realize they're not parent material and make the decision to remain childless.


Similarly, my husband and I HAVE been told by childless people how great it is not having kids, and asked why on Earth we would want to ';give up our lives'; for our children. In fact, when I mentioned to a close (childless) friend that my husband and I are happily awaiting Baby #2, she asked me why we'd want to have to go through raising another kid. Needless to say, she won't be invited to the baby shower!


For us, we haven't given up anything; our lives have only been enhanced by our son. We still have an active social life, but we personally love being with our son more than anything. I realize not everyone feels the same way, and that's fine. To each her own.
One can only know how great it is if they are a parent. I am a parent of two and do not preach to people who are child free unless they ask me about it. People who plan on being child free are usually strong animal lovers. Are you? I love my dog, but it's a completely different kind of love. Just live your life one day at a time the way you want to. If you change your mind one day than great for you....if you decide to be child free than great for you. Life is to short to worry about what other people think.
CHILDFREE OR CHILDLESS?

I have a question for teens and young adults when it comes to being childfree permanantly.?

Lets say if you decided at an young age you never wanted children, and you chose to have a sterilization at a young age. If you had one, would you regret it and be happy about it?





If you chose to be childless permanantly...





Girls, which would you have, tubal ligation, hysterectomy, IDU, or birth control?





Guys, which would you have, castration or a vasectomy?I have a question for teens and young adults when it comes to being childfree permanantly.?
I'm thinking about making myself 'childfree' in the future. No, I don't think I'll regret it, because ever since I've been little, kids have never been of interest to me.I have a question for teens and young adults when it comes to being childfree permanantly.?
i wouldnt do anything permanant...but stick to birth control. because i could have changed my mind if i met the right person, or just with age.





but luckily...i wanted babies. so i dont have to think about that... but once i pop out another one or two, im going with the tubal ligation.
Usually doctors will not perform these type of surgeries on young people unless there are extenuating circumstances (an hereditary disease, for example). And castration? You're kidding, right? A hysterectomy? No doc is performing either of these for birth control!!!!
Castration is waaaaaaaaay too drastic. Vasectomy is better.
Your question in inconsistent.





You ask: If you decided you did not want children, would you regret it later?





That is utterly stupid. If someone KNOWS they are going to change theit mind they won't undergo some permanent procedure, KNOWING they will be sorry later, now will they?
UM, A respectable doctor would refuse to sterilize a person under a certain age if they have not already had at least 2 children, so that is not even an option. If they are not wanting to have children they need to use proper birth control until they are old enough to make that decision.


BTW: I met my husband when I was 30 and never really thought that I would want kids until I met him, so it was a good thing I never took that drastic measure.
Castration and hysterectomy would have serious health effects and no Dr would do it. For starters women run a significantly higher risk of osteoporosis if they do not produce any oestrogen (which they wouldn't if they had a full hyst). Aside from that both sexes would need to be on hormone replacement for the rest of their lives, which isn;t healthy.





I don't think your actual question is one that can be answered by a teen or youngster - perhaps by someone that has been through this? Although I'd be surprised if anyone has been through this as most Drs won't perform this type of drastic action on a youngster.
CASTRATION!!! I not a four legged dog.
Guys should choose a vesectomy over castration.





IUD and ';birth control'; (I'm assuming you mean pills, patch, implants, shot's, etc.) are not permanent. The only thing a young girl can definitely get is the ';birth control'; option.





Many doctors will not do any permanent action on people who are younger than 25, which for many it's a good reason but for the few that are certain where they stand and won't change their mind it's an annoyance. IUD is designed more for women who have already had children, you have to look for a physician willing to do it if you havn't had vaginal birth and it's more likely to be rejected by your body (or not even fit) if you haven't carried a child to term.





Hysterectomy and castration are just extreme methods and have huge repercussions beyond making on infertile, I highly highly doubt a person not undergoing a sex change operation would find a doctor willing to do either of those procedures if the person is just avoiding reproduction.
I dont much want kids of my own but I'm pretty sure I will change my mind one day.


I'm currently taking birth control pills but for other medical reasons but I will most likely keep taking them even after I dont have to anymore.


I might one day like to have some other, permanant solution done
Well, I don't plan on staying child free for the rest of my life, but if I did, I would choose birth control, in case I changed my mind.
castration?? hahhaha you're bugginn

Am I a bad person for being proud of yourself for being childfree?

I'm a 31 year old guy and it feels so great knowing that I don't have that responsibility. I can do whatever I want and take it easy. I mean I think babies are cute and all that, but they are just not for me. I don't know how people do it because I would go crazy from the stress of raising children. Every time I see people with their loud kids at Walmart I say to myself ';thank god I'm not them!';...I also don't want to get married. Am I weird for not wanting a family?Am I a bad person for being proud of yourself for being childfree?
No, I don't think you're weird for feeling this way. Some people aren't cut out to me husbands or fathers. So, go do your own thing, guilt free.Am I a bad person for being proud of yourself for being childfree?
no your smart because there are people who have kids and dont want them then they get abused and are not cared for. not everyone should have kids and especially if a person does not want any thats a dangerous mixture. stay single if you want and enjoy your life and remember not everyone needs to be a parent.
You don't sound like a bad person. You have the right to remain childless, that is as long as you don't make any children! If you make one, it's yours!
no because someones makig up for it anyway ha.
No. I differ a little from you due to the fact that I AM married. However, we aren't planning to have kids. I also like the freedom of responsibility, and think I wouldn't be cut out to be a dad. I like having the extra money to buy all the toys I've wanted. Now, some people think this is selfish. Funny how they don't think the same thing about the people who SHOULDN'T have children that do, just because they want kids. What's worse: Not having kids because you don't want the responsibility, and would rather have extra money to live a happy comfortable life? Or having kids when you can't be there for them or have the money to provide a good life for them, only having them because you want kids?
I personally don't think that you are weird for not wanting kids and not wanting to get married. To me, there are too many people who are married for the wrong reasons and have children for the wrong reasons.


At least you know what you want and are honest and happy with your decision. Don't get married or have children if you are not sure of either one. You are only hurting another person and innocent children !!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I am Child-free and almost 42. My girlfriend is Child-free and almost 37. It is not bad to be Child-free.





I know plenty of parents that are not very happy with having children. However, they can't say anything in public because that is a social taboo.





Just be happy that you made the right choice. Way too many people that have no business having children get pressured by society into having them anyway.

I have a question for the individuals who want to be childfree indefinitely (myself included)...?

Ok, most of you already know that I don't want children. But I would like opinions from other childfree people.





1) Has your family ever criticized you just because you don't want kids?





2) If your family criticized you, what did you do to get them off your back?





3) If you met a girl/guy who wanted kids and you liked her/him very much, would you convince her/him not to have kids?





4) Is it hard to find someone who likes to be childfree indefinitely as well?





5) If you told your parents you didn't want kids, did they turn your words around, like saying you'll have them one day?





6) Did people call you selfish just because you prefer to be childfree?





7) If you were to have sex with your spouse, what would you do to keep from getting pregnant?





8) If your parents wanted you to have kids, would you reject their decisions and remain childfree anyway?





9) Would life be easier with or without children in your life?I have a question for the individuals who want to be childfree indefinitely (myself included)...?
You have a total of 9 questions here, but not to worry. Do you live close to a kindergarten or some other public school? Perhaps a daycare center? Or maybe a local park where kids like to play? Jeez, it seems you have a phobia about kids. But cheer up! Its your right not to have kids and if all your loved ones insist then tell them to adopt their own. Why not free yourself from all these grown-ups who are acting like kids themselves. If it means telling your spouse to be a donor for someone elses child so be it. Sounds like you should fly the coop, so to speak, and go off on your own on a self-revitalizing journey where you might meet some-like minded adults who'd prefer to leave the babysitting to others. Its quite politically correct as feminism is now part of our cultural mosaic. Some people just are not orientated to the family life and choose to pursue individualistic dreams.I have a question for the individuals who want to be childfree indefinitely (myself included)...?
i have a question.....why are you asking this on a parenting board?and if there is anyone on here who never wants kids...


then why are you in the parenting board?
I just want to say that if you don't want children, then good for you for standing up for it. Better to not have them if you don't want them than to bow to pressure from wherever and have one and then realize you were right all along. To me, it doesn't matter why you don't want children, it matters that you just don't want them and that you aren't going to have them. Just be sure that you make sure your ';partner'; is in total agreement before things go too far.
my daughters are 37 and 31 and my son is 35, none are married and none want children. What they want is up to them, do I feel bad cause they do not have children, no? I guess getting married and having children is what is expected, but I expect mine to live the kind of life they want and do what works for them. If your family bothers you about it, change the subject. I am not the average parent, nor are my three the average children, I love them because they have a mind, make their own decisions, good or bad and they have to live with them. I am still a mother but my mothering days are over
Family and friends or even co workers will always try and convince you to have children and think it odd (and tell you) that you choose not to have them. If you firmly believe you dont' want them then don't have them. Don't date someone who wants children in the future...they will think you will change your mind..if you are sure you won't wait for the person who is in agreement with you on that issue. It isn't selfish to not want kids...it is a personal choice. Life is easier, usually, without kids.
that is A decision that people have to make on their own.
Are you trying to convince yourself you made the right decision?





First and foremost YOU are responsible for YOUR choices in life. If you and your partner/spouse are in agreeance about not having children. Take double precautions not to have children.





Have questions like these or conversations like these says your mind is still open to debate. If it's not, then let it go and stick to your guns.

Is it ok to dislike parents for their hostility against the childfree?

I resent parents and future parents because they like ot judge alot. They always judge childfree people (like me), telling us we're too young, we'll change our mind, we're selfish, arrogant, we'll go to hell, we're gay.





Anyone who has a problem with childfree people, they deal with me! So is it normal to dislike parents for their hostility, harassment, and disrespect against childfree people and their choices and decisions?








Note: I'm sorry, I'm just so frustrated right now. I may be young (19), but I'm not a kid person, I never was. My brother is 40 and is childfree and he felt that way for a long time.Is it ok to dislike parents for their hostility against the childfree?
i agree with you. i am 26 and have no kids or any desire to have any. it bothers me that some people with children (which a lot have kids because they think that is what you are supposed to do once you get married) do put themselves up on a pedestal for having little brats.





i do hate when people tell me ';once you get married, that will change.'; how do they know that? i don't even want to get married, much less want to procreate. and i also hate ';well you're not a mother, so you wouldn't know.'; yeah well i am a human and i do live in society, so there are a lot of things that i would know.Is it ok to dislike parents for their hostility against the childfree?
It is wrong to stereotype people. Not all parents are hostile toward the childfree. Most of my friends have kids. I don't. They occasionally assume I don't like kids, which is just not the case, but they are not hostile. I would have a problem with anyone who was hostile against me for being who I am, but I would not generalize that to all parents.





Something else bothers me here. You say they tell you that you will change your mind. That means that you have told them that you don't like kids. Saying that to parents is just as bad as parents telling you that you are selfish for being childfree.
Well, it's certainly normal to dislike parents who make statements like that about you. I personally don't have a problem with parents in general, but I don't want kids either, and if any parent said any of those things to me I would have a problem with them too.





A polite way to deal would be to just ignore these comments, or say ';I'm really pretty sure I don't want kids.'; If they say more, then just walk away.
It is good (and smart) to know that you are not a kid person. And they are right...it may change in the future, but maybe not either. My wife and I are not kid people and do not have any (and are not planning on it). We sometimes get ridiculed by all of our friends and other people that have kids, but it doesn't bother me. I believe that if more people were honest with themselves, there would be less abused and neglected kids in the world...
Blow it off.





They're just jealous because you get to do more things, have more money and fewer responsibilities and liabilities than they do.





Parenting is frustrating business and they need to be mad at some one. Right now it's you. Sooner or later they'll turn their anger on the other parent, the grandparents, the school teacher, whomever. You should learn to find it amusing.
Child free, is that being a gay person or some one who is still a virgin? or maybe someone who doesn't like or have kids? either way, y would u dislike parents they helped you through your whole life, they always want best for you, now if u dun want kids or are gay just tell dem to stop bothering u bout that...
If someone is treating you disrespectfully, then it's only natural that you would have negative feelings about that person. But please don't lump us parents all together. We don't ALL think badly of you. I couldn't care less if you have kids or not. I live my life and you live yours. I really don't care...





Stop being so concerned with what everyone else says and does and just enjoy your life!
Live your life the way that makes you happy and don't worry about other people's opinions. There are plenty of children in the world. If you don't want any, that is your right. Go forward and be happy.
Truly I understand. I wasn't a kid person either - well, little kids are fun; but babies - ugh - I didn't even like my own son when he was a baby - I love him with my heart and soul - as my answer to immortality - but truly I don't care for babies all that much.





Little kids on the other hand - are great for taking to the movies, the zoo, the park, the mall - filling them full of sweets and junk food - and giving them back to their mommies.





But at 19, you have other things to think about besides babies and parenthood. College, career, travel, all those things that make you a well-rounded person.





And maybe some day - or maybe not - you will indeed have a change of mind. But if not - then, enh. That's OK too.





But do lighten up. Some of us ';Parents'; aren't nearly as critical as you are of us.
I'm a senior citizen and I have never ever had anyone judge me because I didn't have children. I think you are oversensitive and perhaps feeling guilty that you don't want them.





No one can say to you that you will ';change your mind';, that '; you are selfish or arrogant'; for the simple reason that children are made out of love (surely you'd love your partner) and it just happens if it's going to happen and it's unpredictable. So what I suggest to you is rather to say to yourselves, ';if we become parents then we will accept and love that child with all our hearts, be there for the child (or children), protect them and provide them everything we can';.


When God decides he wants you to have a child you will have one. You don't have a choice. And, he decides if your child will be normal or not, so prepare for that kind of situation ahead of time in learning to accept this kind of child.





You never said if your brother had been checked out and his swimmers are prolific or not. Are ';your'; swimmers taking an active role?
I have friends with no children, and in their 40s and up, it makes no sense for me to be upset with them cuz they don't have kids- how is it selfish to not want kids and to not have them?! Forcing yourself to have kids when you don't want them would just be dumb!





This sounds odd, but I'd say they are jealous that they don't have the freedom people who don't have kids have.





Like right now my husband and I don't have kids and we have friends that do, and they keep saying ';when you gonna have kids?'; and my hubby is trying to push and I'm like no way we are young and your friends WISH they had our freedom lol.
My husband and I are in our mid/late 20s and are child-free. We don't get too much slack for not having kids. Every now and then someone will ask us ';when are y'all going to have a baby'; and we just respond ';never'; . Usually the conversation ends with that. Very seldom do we get the ';you will change your mind'; speech and in that case there's the ';nope, my husband had a vasectomy'; response and then the conversation defiantly ends. The ONLY 2 people that will continue to push the topic are our mothers but in their defense my mother has serious mental disorders and his mother is brain damaged. Most people don't have anything negitive to say about OUR CHOICE not to procreate. If they do, that is their problem, not ours and it shows a lack of maturity on their part. Heck, I knew that I didn't ever want kids when I was 12 and now I am 27 years old and I still feel the same way as I did back then.
My husband and I decided we didn't want children, we're both in our 50's now and happy with that decision. However, the only grief ever given was to me, by other women!!!





I've been called selfish because I chose not to have children. My reply to them was to ask them if they wanted children. When they replied 'yes' I said to them that they were just as 'selfish' because they HAD them when they wanted them. There was no difference between us.





I also tell people who have kids and get on my case for not having them .........I ask them just what qualities they each had that they thought should be reproduced in this world? Why they thought they were so 'all that' that the world needed little duplicates of them.





Nah, live your life for yourself. Why live your life any other way for people you're not even around all the time. You live with you.

Am I a bad person for being proud of yourself for being childfree?

I'm a 31 year old guy and it feels so great knowing that I don't have that responsibility. I can do whatever I want and take it easy. I mean I think babies are cute and all that, but they are just not for me. I don't know how people do it because I would go crazy from the stress of raising children. Every time I see people with their loud kids at Walmart I say to myself ';thank god I'm not them!';...I also don't want to get married. Am I weird for not wanting a family?Am I a bad person for being proud of yourself for being childfree?
No, I don't think you're weird for feeling this way. Some people aren't cut out to me husbands or fathers. So, go do your own thing, guilt free.Am I a bad person for being proud of yourself for being childfree?
no your smart because there are people who have kids and dont want them then they get abused and are not cared for. not everyone should have kids and especially if a person does not want any thats a dangerous mixture. stay single if you want and enjoy your life and remember not everyone needs to be a parent.
You don't sound like a bad person. You have the right to remain childless, that is as long as you don't make any children! If you make one, it's yours!
no because someones makig up for it anyway ha.
No. I differ a little from you due to the fact that I AM married. However, we aren't planning to have kids. I also like the freedom of responsibility, and think I wouldn't be cut out to be a dad. I like having the extra money to buy all the toys I've wanted. Now, some people think this is selfish. Funny how they don't think the same thing about the people who SHOULDN'T have children that do, just because they want kids. What's worse: Not having kids because you don't want the responsibility, and would rather have extra money to live a happy comfortable life? Or having kids when you can't be there for them or have the money to provide a good life for them, only having them because you want kids?
I personally don't think that you are weird for not wanting kids and not wanting to get married. To me, there are too many people who are married for the wrong reasons and have children for the wrong reasons.


At least you know what you want and are honest and happy with your decision. Don't get married or have children if you are not sure of either one. You are only hurting another person and innocent children !!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I am Child-free and almost 42. My girlfriend is Child-free and almost 37. It is not bad to be Child-free.





I know plenty of parents that are not very happy with having children. However, they can't say anything in public because that is a social taboo.





Just be happy that you made the right choice. Way too many people that have no business having children get pressured by society into having them anyway.

pimple